WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU JOCK ITCH, MAKE JOCKITCHADE

by Orson on Aug 14, 2008 12:43 PM EDT

The Trojans are suffering through both the injury of their starting quarterback and an epidemic of some former Russian Military jock itch let loose upon their blue chip ladystands. Our take is over at the Sporting Blog, but here and only here can you purchase the shirt that, Trojans fans, you must be wearing when USC takes the field with a burning desire to compete and scratch away the memories of losing to Stanford.

Rubbing our whiskered chin, let's revisit history here...Stanford has a toxic, staphylococcus-infested couch...time passes...then Stanford suddenly not only beats USC, but then the following spring USC comes down with an outbreak of jock itch so crippling it actually sidelines players? Jim Harbaugh bows to no man or bacterium. Let the conspiracy theories begin.

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USCRipsIt pun in 5….4….

by Holly on Aug 14, 2008 12:45 PM EDT reply actions

Is there any chance that this has less to do with Jim Harbaugh and more to do with Matt Leinart’s brief fling with Paris Hilton, misdiagnosis, and a wickedly cruel incubation period? Or, yeah, maybe they just need better ventilated compression shorts.

by MaconDawg on Aug 14, 2008 12:57 PM EDT reply actions

Somewhere, “confused SweaterGirl” is cheering.

by BJ on Aug 14, 2008 1:11 PM EDT reply actions

Had a situation like this happen to me in ’85 while serving a tour of duty in Johnston Atoll. It was so bad, the Doc wanted a pic of my “junk” to include in an article he was writing. Closest I ever came to being a porn star. Learned the hard way that heavy exercise + percolating in hot tub = gonad hellfire!

by Les Miles has crystal balls on Aug 14, 2008 1:16 PM EDT reply actions

Guess they were passing Maualuga’s thong around.

by Signal to Noise on Aug 14, 2008 1:23 PM EDT reply actions

I just watched a replay of Rey Maualuga’s greatest hits on Youtube and got the burn. It’s communicable through all media of awesomeness. Now we now why Michael Phelps is so fast…he feels the burn of both lactic acid and victory.

USA! USA! USC!

by DeepSouthTrojan on Aug 14, 2008 1:25 PM EDT reply actions

DCTrojan, you gotta get your boys some Boudreaux’s Butt Paste.

by NewAZTiger on Aug 14, 2008 1:58 PM EDT reply actions

While I enjoyed the idea of USC hiring UCLA alumni to do the team’s laundry, I did see potential problems like this arising. As soon as Slick Rick Putin… I mean Neuheisel was hired, USC should have fired those people.

We all know this is not an accident; it is sabotage. Congratulations Mr. Neuheisel. You got us this time, but we won’t be caught off guard again.

by socalbryan on Aug 14, 2008 2:02 PM EDT reply actions

This is awfully suspicious… has anyone questioned the tri-Lambda house?

by crash on Aug 14, 2008 2:15 PM EDT reply actions

Has anyone seen Lamar Latrell?

by Jim Bob Cooter on Aug 14, 2008 2:54 PM EDT reply actions

NewAZTiger @ 7 – while the athletic department’s budget probably extends to the butt paste, they can’t order it directly for fear of sabotage. No need to make a bad situation worse.

Also, having read the description – ouch. Some enthusiast of tinea cruris has already updated the wikipedia entry of same to include this. There’s no accounting for people’s hobbies.

by DC Trojan on Aug 15, 2008 1:25 AM EDT reply actions