OBEY.

Michigan State earns one of the weirdest Fulmer Cup scores of the year, and we mean weird in the “Orwellian legal language we don’t quite get” instead of the “steals gay sheep while drunk” mode. Three Spartan football players were cited for “failure to obey the police” on June 30th after they ran from policemen.

“The officers were on campus investigating a crime that had been reported to them, and they approached (the players), who took off running,” Dunnings said. “When the officers caught up with them, they said they never heard them say ‘Stop!’ But that kind of begs the question of why they ran.”

What were they hiding? What had they done? The mystery is bottomless! Theories!

–They found the entrance to T.J. Duckett’s Enchanted Ancient Bombproof Snack Bunker, and didn’t want anyone to know.

–Found Charles Rogers’ old weed stash. Believed they were running from “squirrels the size of the Sears Tower,” not policemen.

–Thought policemen were actually newly Barwis-ized Michigan football players.

–All three share a morbid fear of male strippers, and were only acting on instinct.

Who knows? The possibilities are LIMITLESS, we tell you, unlike Michigan State’s Fulmer Cup points, which in this case total three.