FULMER CUPDATE: OBEY, OR YOU KNOW, DON'T

by Orson on Aug 14, 2008 1:19 PM EDT

OBEY.

Michigan State earns one of the weirdest Fulmer Cup scores of the year, and we mean weird in the "Orwellian legal language we don't quite get" instead of the "steals gay sheep while drunk" mode. Three Spartan football players were cited for "failure to obey the police" on June 30th after they ran from policemen.

The officers were on campus investigating a crime that had been reported to them, and they approached (the players), who took off running, Dunnings said. When the officers caught up with them, they said they never heard them say Stop! But that kind of begs the question of why they ran.

What were they hiding? What had they done? The mystery is bottomless! Theories!

--They found the entrance to T.J. Duckett's Enchanted Ancient Bombproof Snack Bunker, and didn't want anyone to know.

--Found Charles Rogers' old weed stash. Believed they were running from "squirrels the size of the Sears Tower," not policemen.

--Thought policemen were actually newly Barwis-ized Michigan football players.

--All three share a morbid fear of male strippers, and were only acting on instinct.

Who knows? The possibilities are LIMITLESS, we tell you, unlike Michigan State's Fulmer Cup points, which in this case total three.

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Comments

Nice pic- Andre The Giant Has A Posse.

Reminds me of some of the great charges they hand out in Britain, where you can be charged with simply “AFFRAY” or “VIOLENCE”.

Of course the greatest is when the FA charges someone in the soccer world with “Bringing The Game Into Disrepute”. We should totally have that in CFB.

by Kanu on Aug 14, 2008 1:25 PM EDT reply actions

Jim Delaney was happy to note that the cops only caught the players because they were loaded down by their philosophy and physics textbooks.

by zzgator on Aug 14, 2008 1:31 PM EDT reply actions

Orson:

Are we going to see a piece on the most powerful coach in sports, per Forbes?

I know you could do wonders with it…

by Tater Salad on Aug 14, 2008 1:39 PM EDT reply actions

I guess we know these were SEC cops.

See what I did there?

by Jason on Aug 14, 2008 1:41 PM EDT reply actions

If they can’t even outrun a bunch of uniformed cops it looks like it’ll be another grim outing in the B10 for Sparty this year.

by mhentz on Aug 14, 2008 1:45 PM EDT reply actions

Ahh, the old “contempt of cop” charge – aka obstruction.

Being a former Group 5 for a rural Georgia county, I remember those cases well. They usually didn’t stick, but they are charges and thus should count on the grand scoreboard.

by The Underrated Sorola Palmer on Aug 14, 2008 1:46 PM EDT reply actions

Affray involves alcohol, so that would apply solely to Wisconsin.

I think the last violent act in East Lansing was Duffy Daughtery getting into a fight with Dan Devine.

“Bringing The Game Into Disrepute” – currently the property of HIS COACHNESS, with Bobby Petrino running a close second.

by yoyofutbawl on Aug 14, 2008 1:48 PM EDT reply actions

MSU Campus Po-Po and ELPD are not on speaking terms with the U.S. Constitution. This is not news.

Unfortunately the charges will not be dropped before the season starts, so Sparty is officially present in the FC standings. In my legal opinion (B.A., Finance), this is some bullshit-ass bullshit.

by spartymike on Aug 14, 2008 1:54 PM EDT reply actions

Ridiculous charges, yes…but which reminds me of my all-time favorite penalty (compliments of the ACC)…

“Giving him the business.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TTGZJlZpyc

by hobeg8r on Aug 14, 2008 1:57 PM EDT reply actions

HOT COPS

by Junior04 on Aug 14, 2008 2:08 PM EDT reply actions

when does the official scoring end and when is the champ crowned. I am rooting for bama

go gators

by FLOUNDERGATOR on Aug 14, 2008 2:23 PM EDT reply actions

So…..
You’re not supposed to run when you see cops? hmmpph.

by beerbaron on Aug 14, 2008 2:25 PM EDT reply actions

Tobias: I’d better call the hot cops and tell them to go with a more nautical theme. Hot Sailors. Better yet, Hot Seama…

Michael: I like hot Sailors.

Tobias: Mmmm…me to.

by carlinthemarlin on Aug 14, 2008 2:28 PM EDT reply actions

@BeerBaron – don’t bother pulling over, either. Works like a champ.

by GamecockTony on Aug 14, 2008 2:32 PM EDT reply actions

Interesting thing worth noting: These are MSU’s first Fulmer Cup points. They are the last Big10 team to get any. Mind you, the Cup is only in its 3rd year and only counts off season incidents that are actually charged, but it’s still impressive/ mindboggling.

Also, mhentz makes an excellent point in comment #5, but then we all knew that sparty would be getting his usual 5-7 wins, at least one win a completely out of left field upset of a team vastly their superior and at least two loses textbook examples of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

by Mat on Aug 14, 2008 11:15 PM EDT reply actions

Regarding MSU’s late entry into the scoring…

They had some issues with an off-campus robbery involving players last season, but it was during the season (I think) — so no Fulmer Cup points.

Otherwise, it was a surprising truism that John L. Smith teams – so famous for rulebreaking ON the field — mostly behaved themselves when off of it.

(Declining an invitation when we had tickets to a game two years ago, a friend and alum disgustedly suggested that he’d come back after Sparty went through “penalty therapy.”)

by Ken Braun on Aug 15, 2008 12:33 AM EDT reply actions