“A man’s thinking goes on within his consciousness in a seclusion in comparison with which any physical seclusion is an exhibition to public view.”

[HT: kleph]

…Mark Richt as Bizarro Neo for the second year running.

Photo by Brant Sanderlin, AJC. The role of Mark Richt was, as always, played by Helen Hunt.

The rest of the gallery is here, including a shot of like fifteen huge players all crammed into a hot tub that looks like an illustration for The Berenstein Bears Visit Iceland.

The season approaches, and you’re scarcely in credit card debt. Being American, this cannot stand. Your birthright is to work 35 hours a week, talk like you work 55, wallow in a sea of consumer goods funded by the Chinese and their 12 year old gymnasts, and then spend your leisure hours complaining about the cost of all the goods you spend your leisure hours playing with in the first place.

Nowhere is there a more spectacular chance to exercise this fundamental American right than in the field of college football fandom, where you can take your hard-earned inheritances and trust funds and pour them directly into RVs, walls coated in blazing flatscreen televisions, and barbecues large enough to cook other barbecues in while simultaneously prepping a whole brisket on the side. Ante up, skinflint bitches, and break out the plastic. It’s time to put a little red into your team colors in the form of debt-funded tailgate fodder for the fall.

Necessary things include, but are not limited to:

The Hitch ‘n View. Are you tired of hammering nails into your largest friend’s back in order to hang your flatscreen at your tailgate? Ashamed of the cost of all those vandalism citations from drilling holes in campus bulidings and trees for a good tv mount? Want a football-related excuse to follow someone at the NASCAR-approved distance of 3 inches from their rear bumper?

Enter your solution, the miraculous Hitch ‘n View.

RUMSFEEEEEEELD!!!

You could watch the game from a lawn chair with a cold one in hand, sure. (more…)

Our Mustache Wednesday nomination for today is, appropriately enough, the bling-y swimmer Michael Phelps.

Happy Mustache Wednesday, motherfuckers!

Good work, son. Now pull your swimsuit up before you show the universe your medal stand. (HT: Paul.)

Tim Tebow hasn’t led Florida to a fourth-quarter comeback win or won an SEC championship WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM MY GOD?

There’s logical quibbles to be had with the premise–how many sophomore quarterbacks win SEC titles or lead fourth-quarter comebacks to begin with, much less in their first year starting?–but the essence of the thing is an accurate variation on the preseason fluff piece. Tebow good, could be better, Tebow improve, Tebow not care about awards, etc, etc. All true, especially the bit about becoming a better pocket qb. Then again, he’s probably the only junior in the country with a frame of expectations hung around “a.) needs to win conference title, b.) must lead at least one fourth quarter comeback.” (Stafford’s close, but much of the heat is dispersed by proximity to Knowshon Moreno.)

There’s also the issue of metaphorically burying the Heisman, which LSUFreek works up nicely below. Magic trick!

All due apologies to budding superstar Ricky Jean-Francois, who was chosen because he looked like a badass from LSU, and not because we think a Heisman should be slammed up his nose. Oh, and let’s pre-empt the usual list of Tebow-relevant comments, since God forbid an opposing fan admit a player was exceptionally talented.

–”He’s a glorified fullback.” Who completes 66.9 percent of his passes.

–”He’s the best 9-4 Heisman winner evarrr!!!” Totally his fault for not playing defensive tackle.

–”WOOOOOO GEORGIA!!!” You can count! Even with half your population failing to finish high school! Good for you, Chester!

–”Tebow sucks.” Yes, probably the best of the arguments here, since it doesn’t even start with a logical premise, bypasses reason, and instead moves directly to invective. Just go ahead and use this instead of any of the weakling verbiage above.

Apologies: WordPress ate this morning’s CI. Enjoy Kirk Herbstreit getting annihilated by Michigan on the kind of play at in 1990 was considered “a fair hit at the whistle,” and would now be considered “first-degree felony assault.