The SN Column is up, and it’s a laundry list of things we won’t do, but will eventually do, and are just copping to early. It’s ADDriffic, as is this edition of the CI, which is being typed from the lobby of a very spiffy Hampton Inn in Statesboro, GA. (Assignment: Chris Hatcher and GSU, who play UGA in week one and could provide some smart insight into what makes Georgia so vrry, vrry hyped.)

Canes defensive tackle Antonio Dixon is out of the hospital in Miami following an overnight stay due to heat-related symptoms at a Miami practice. You might say, “What in the hell is someone from Miami doing having problems with the heat?” We would ask, “If someone from Miami is having trouble in practice, it must be hotter than Satan’s asshole out there, and they would know better than you.”

R.I.P., Simpson Pepper. A moment of silence for the longtime Bama P.A. man, please. Have you hugged your P.A. announcer today? You should. Please drive safely.

Steele Hull. Grrrrr. LSU adds a walk-on fullback named “Steele Hull,” who just became the default starter at the position for our all-name team. We still await the real life version of Leslie Nielsen’s “Dick Steele” from Spy Hard, and if you’re mocking our double lowbrow, direct to DVD movie tastes in this instance, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Evil Andy Griffith talk about his pretty robotic arms.

SMQ is not a crook. He moves on, and we flash Ali G shoulder thumps and peace signs in his general directions. Respek, sir.