THE ODDS: FULMER CUP LATECOMERS

The Kid guest stars today as he performs his "homage," or "total and complete rip-off" of A.J. Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker. Enjoy him here and at House Rock Built, newly rebuilt for the '08.

Its not that hard to start a controversy these days. A bit of alcohol here, maybe an extra serving of purple drank or two, some not-so-bright skill position players, and you've got yourself a bonafide hit in the the 24-hour college football blog o cycle. You dont even need to combine the Kwik Stop robbery, DUI, train-running in any particular order any more, and you certainly don't even need to have more than one.

Maurice Clarett taking his best friends Grey Goose and bulletproof vest out for a spin feel like forever ago, but its not too late for some schools to rocket to the top of the Fulmer Cup standings with some obcenely stupid act of disregard for the law. We've decdided to put together a brief list of the top offenses yet to be committed because, well, we dont exactly know why, but we have to think the following are only a matter of time.

Southern Cal 3:2

It has long been rumored, nay outright inferred, that USC is paying their VHT prospects in stacks upon stacks of wet, hot, stinky, delicious legal tender. The best storyline: Reggie Bush getting paid off in some sort of intricate sports agency tapping-up scheme likely bankrolled by the local Indian casino, a story making for a fascinating plot to some sort of straight-to-video Van Damme DVD. We're going to go so far as to think that eventually the entire two-deep is going to get busted when Mike Williams decides to go State's Evidence for a carton of Zingers.

Texas A&M 3:1

Smart money is on Texas A&M running some sort of crazy government Eugenics project in some underground lab at College Station. Only able to successfully clone hefty offensive lineman, bigger tomatoes, fresher carrots, and potatoes that play the bagpipes. The hazy nature of stem cell research and the moral hazards involved would take the program all the way to the Supreme Court, and probably garner an extra point or two in the FC standings. We would likely award an additional 5 points per Quato.

Texas A&M: Engineering the 12th and a halfth man as we speak.

Miami 6:1

The odds are a bit higher on this one as there is a degree of difficulty involved. You see, we've got The U taking their game to the next level in some sort of Rick Ross-Scarface hybrid that involves them running guns to Cuba. Its Thug Life synergy. They've got the arsenal, this is the next logical step. Open up free trade to Cuba with AKs and blow, everyone wins. We'll know its made the meme when the players start spitting the hotfire about Yuri Orlov and "runnin' a flotilla on that 'ho."

Miami and Nicolas Cage: both indomitable in 1990, and not so much now.

South Florida 10:1

Its about more than Busch Gardens and strip clubs in the Ybor City. We've got reason to believe that the metoric rise in the popularity of USF is rooted none other than the influence of The Church of Scientology. Clearwater, FL is only a thetans throw away from Tampa, and the program did get real good, real fast. We're not excatly sure which level coach Jim Leavitt is at least at a State of Clear, possibly somewhere near OTII on the L-Ron org chart. Someone is going to find an E-meter in the trainer's room, and it will all come crashing down. Unless that someone is eliminated, of course.

When Grothe becomes a Clear, it's over, son.