SPORTS HELL: POPULATION, YOU

i mean…someone DID yell “roll tide” at a frat party at Auburn the night before the Iron Bowl. If that doesn’t instantly precipitate a Defcon-5 level brawl, then nothing will.

I guess that’s why I’ll abstain from yelling “Gatorbait” in Knoxville bars this September…until after the Gators roll over the Vols, anyway…

How could you write that and not take a shot at Lou Holtz finally being declared officially retarted?

I think your article misses a couple of finer, more important points:

1) “Louie Holtz” has been declared mentally retarded by law.

2) What the hell was Lou Holtz doing at an Auburn frat party anyway?

Wait, Lou Holtz had been declared mentally retarded?

@2: I knew I was taking too long to type that.

Apparently the internet hivemind is working in overdrive today

Wait, I thought Lou Holtz had been declared mentally retarded at least since the 80’s

Here’s what I think happened:

Lou Holtz watches the incident unfold. Then the guy come up to him and asks him to take the fall. He agrees because if people think he stabbed somebody over the topic of college football, Mark May would stop bothering him and Pep Talk ratings would shoot through the roof, giving him an essential tenure at ESPN.

It’s the perfect plan!

Wait. This was in Alabama? How’d they tell the difference?

ESS-EEE-SEE LACK OF ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY RESEMBLING CONSCIENCE OR MORAL JUDGMENT SPEED, BABY!!!

Third important point: Lou Holtz is 40?

This is just like the time I blamed my retarded brother Danny for the lamp I broke…except my plan actually worked and nobody died…that I’m aware of.

I love how none of the comments have addressed what an awful human being the other guy is.

I think the ninth circle of sports fan hell should include seeing Stuart Scott screaming at the top of his lungs about Brett Favre being traded to the Jets every time you turn on the television…oh, wait.

1. - is your brother’s name Dumbus Rickus, perchance?

14

No, it’s Danny.

Also, was Holtz (the retarded guy, not the senile coach/analyst) really even at the party? What kind of fraternity parties with 40-year-old retarded guys?

Maybe it was a “Radio” kind of the thing where he was the fraternity mascot, inspiring them all to new levels of douchebaggery.

#13: That’s a given.

Both Barrett and his father participate in cage fighting matches. Good father/son bonding activity.

Only in Alabama.

Any chance Lou was campaigning for Senate at the time?

Will he be in a higher or lower circle than the Florida player who used a dead girl’s credit cards?

This dude was a 25 year old at another school’s frat party? Ballin’

Josef Fritzl and Paula Parmeter think this guy is a joke.

Joey, don’t you know you never go full retard.

Ok, a few things here, as I think alot of people are jumping the gun here:

1) The guy was declared mentally retarded, not down syndrome. I think you guys are getting the two confused.

Being declared mentally retarded does not mean someone drools and likes eating glue. I would imagine that Jerrel Powe is “mentally retarded”, but that doesn’t stop him from enrolling in college classes.

There have been several groups stating that the majority of people in prison, especially on death row, are mentally retarded.

2) The guy is a giant douche, but I fail to see what this has to due with the U of A. Yes, I realize we are the most hated program in the SEC, and probably in the top 5 of CFB. That doesn’t mean the entire fanbase is represented by this guy. I’m sure John Couey (the guy who buried Jessica Lunsford alive after raping her) was probably a huge Gators fan, but what the fuck does that have to do with the University of Florida?

Pretty poor work on your part, Orson. Pretty fucking poor.

Steve@25, if that comment was a subtle satire on the hypersensitivity of the typical college-football fan and the sanctity with which he treats his own program while feeling free to mock and disdain everyone else’s, then you did a masterful job and I’d like to offer you a position as a contributor on my own blog.

If it wasn’t, then wipe your eyes, pull your goddamn culottes out of your ass, and quit being such a whiner. Or, if that’s beyond your abilities at the moment, imagine this whole thing happening to an Auburn superfan at a Bama frat party and then try to picture what your reaction would be . . . got it? Good. That’s what I thought.

Is that you, Doug Niedermeyer?

Steve,
Back off the defensiveness. It has to do with UA only to the extent he helled “roll tide” on AU’s campus during the IB.

Going forward, I am trying my best to lay off the 24/7 bammer bashing I have engaged in in the past, but I must point out once again some specific, documented examples of bat shit crazy bama fans.

1) Collette
2) Tattoo Guy
3) The Ramp Lady
4) Phyllis from Mulga
5) The guy who almost asked Saban to sign his manboob.
6) The two mensa members who got married in Legion Field (while wearing “got 12” sweatshirts)
7) And now this guy above

Your most recognizeable fans could easily pass for a list of characters from a Mel Brooks movie. It truly is unprecedented in CFB.

Doug,

I don’t know. He may have a point. I mean if there’s one thing I come to this site for it’s responsible journalism.

@23

Read the Paula Parmeter story. Just saying thanks for inducing reverse peristalsis, causing depression for the rest of my life, and justifying my pussy-whippedness.

Doug @ 26

While I 100% agree with your comment, I cannot help to mention that, as you are a self proclaimed “latte-swilling pinko liberal”, criticizing others as “whiners” may not be in your best judgment. Just saying.

Also, any dude who reads the “New Yorker” is just begging for an ass kicking circa 10/6/2007.

Re: #30, Meatyboob

When I first read that story at the end of last year, I had a wealth of emotions running through me. I’ll never take the time with my children for granted ever again.

Oops, honest spelling mistake by me on #32. Sorry Bob, no offense intended.

Geaux Irish,

None taken. Actually, I believe I have just found a new pen name for Mrs. Meatybob. However, the spirit of “Meatyboob” exists only as a meme in my mind’s eye, not grounded in spousal reality.

According to my sources, the screen name “Meatyboob” is registered to a C. Weis in South Bend, IN.

This was so not how the Rice Band described it.

http://mob.rice.edu/history/scripts/2007/Nov24_Tulsa.shtml

Lou Holtz is a MAN!

Re # 16

The evidence seems to show AU frats party with 40 YO retarded guys. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

There are so many idiots on both sides of this rivalry that it boggles the mind at times…

#38

1) The article says the fight started in the front yard and 2) the defendant obviously knew the retarded guy well enough to contact him and offer him a bribe.

I’m no sherlock holmes, but jst guessing the two were in town together for the IB and neither was invited to the party.

Further confirmation: The plea deal allows the perp to serve his sentence in Mobile County Metro Jail as opposed to Lee County and the retarded Mr. Holtz is from Mobile. They were there together and Barrett assumed Holtz would escape punishment on account of being retarded.

Just so I’m clear, we’re all upset about him framing the retarded guy, not stabbing the frat guy, right?

I still don’t see how this is worse than the guy who shot at his son (which, probably as this story is, was badly misreported)

I know the “40 year old retarded guy at a frat party” makes for a better story, but there’s no evidence that Holtz was even there.

none of the fraternity brothers involved in the fight recalled seeing anybody resembling Holtz.

Just sayin’.

douchebags, the all of them. And the chicks there are the ugliest of all SEC schools…even Mississippi St. I guess all the hot ones in the state went to Auburn or Tennessee.

My GF is a Gators fan, and I am a Duck. Naturally, there is nothing that we agree on, save this: Pac-10 fans are passive aggressive wizard sleeves, and SEC fans are mean drunk hillbillies.(Generally speaking, of course.) Pac-10 fan lives in Purgatory, baptized in box wine. Except for Arizona fans, who must attend eternal lectures from John Mackovic on the importance of TEAM.

Wait, why did the retarded guy’s lawyers urge him not to testify?

Bama fans, once again thanks for making the entire state look like the white trash that you are.

And the comment above points out exactly what I was speaking of.

Louie Holtz:
I’m a man!
I’m retarded!
I’m 40!
Don’t go after some kid who drinks hard and made a mistake! Come after me!!
(If you are in the MMA, why would you need a knife?Could you not just twist some arms and legs and scare some people? I guess the party was over when the knife wielding retard showed up. Why knives? Why not tazers?)

I forgot to add this little tidbit:

I know of this Jody Barrett character. He’s a white trash roid rage redneck that is known to start fights for fun.

I’m certainly not defending the guy, as I think the human population would be better off without this enormous douchebag.