It’s time for the Fulmer Cup finals. Question one: who’s hung like Reggie F’n Nelson? Answer: Brian, who brought you the board two days ago, but we didn’t have time to post it. Clarifications and refusals to perform basic math follow.

Note again please that West Virginia’s points have been reduced to their correct status, since the player in question was allegedly kicked off the team after spring practice. Also please consider that though the record now reflects that said player, Kendall Washington, was kicked off of the team prior to attempting to shoot someone in their bed during a robbery, there was little we could find in the archives to back this post-spring bootage. None of this seems fishy at all, but please: just note that.

Georgia, too, has its correct tally restored this week, with Lomax’s charges dismissed and accounted for in the total. Send us one more email about this and we will say nice things about your football team and therefore curse your entire season. (”How the hell did Knowshon Moreno get attacked by a hippo at White Water? DAMN YOU ORSON!!! [angry fist]“)

We’re not correcting the rules. There’s a reason Alabama’s in the lead, and it’s because the charges were filed and scored accordingly. The only quasi-sane way to gauge a program’s actual quantified feloniousness is balancing the number of charges with the severity of the charges, thus avoiding giving UGA the Cup for having the most arrests of a paltry sort, and avoiding giving it to one program based on one huge neutron-bomb of an arrest.

From one angle, we could see this being the case with the Alabama arrest if and only if a.) Alabama hadn’t already had a turbulent offseason of arrests, and b.) if Johns hadn’t operated a small-scale cocaine trafficking operation in such close proximity to the football program. You make repeated sales to TPD including one in the parking lot of the football facilities, then you get the points with zero qualification or quarter.

As for the “how can this be worse than murder” issue, see the fact that charges are charges, and we can only work off what they file, and the fact that very few programs really have a nagging “murder problem.” Except for the Darfur University Fightin’ Salukis, we can’t think of a program that does.