FULMER CUPDATE: FINALS TIME

by Orson on Aug 7, 2008 2:30 PM EDT

It's time for the Fulmer Cup finals. Question one: who's hung like Reggie F'n Nelson? Answer: Brian, who brought you the board two days ago, but we didn't have time to post it. Clarifications and refusals to perform basic math follow.

Note again please that West Virginia's points have been reduced to their correct status, since the player in question was allegedly kicked off the team after spring practice. Also please consider that though the record now reflects that said player, Kendall Washington, was kicked off of the team prior to attempting to shoot someone in their bed during a robbery, there was little we could find in the archives to back this post-spring bootage. None of this seems fishy at all, but please: just note that.

Georgia, too, has its correct tally restored this week, with Lomax's charges dismissed and accounted for in the total. Send us one more email about this and we will say nice things about your football team and therefore curse your entire season. ("How the hell did Knowshon Moreno get attacked by a hippo at White Water? DAMN YOU ORSON!!! [angry fist]")

We're not correcting the rules. There's a reason Alabama's in the lead, and it's because the charges were filed and scored accordingly. The only quasi-sane way to gauge a program's actual quantified feloniousness is balancing the number of charges with the severity of the charges, thus avoiding giving UGA the Cup for having the most arrests of a paltry sort, and avoiding giving it to one program based on one huge neutron-bomb of an arrest.

From one angle, we could see this being the case with the Alabama arrest if and only if a.) Alabama hadn't already had a turbulent offseason of arrests, and b.) if Johns hadn't operated a small-scale cocaine trafficking operation in such close proximity to the football program. You make repeated sales to TPD including one in the parking lot of the football facilities, then you get the points with zero qualification or quarter.

As for the "how can this be worse than murder" issue, see the fact that charges are charges, and we can only work off what they file, and the fact that very few programs really have a nagging "murder problem." Except for the Darfur University Fightin' Salukis, we can't think of a program that does.

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So Auburn must settle for being the People’s National Champions whereas bama is officially awarded the Felons National Championship (in the upcoming days of course)?

Ahh, the pain one must endure being a bama fan…

by DowntownPlainsman on Aug 7, 2008 2:40 PM EDT reply actions

Did you havd out any points for Ronnie “the rifleman” Wilson’t mary jane bust in december? Or does than not count because he was a “walk-on”?

by Dawg Pound on Aug 7, 2008 2:41 PM EDT reply actions

I’ll be readying our appeal.

I suspect Nino Scalia won’t approve of your ad hoc, abritrary and capricious methodology.

by Etch Westgrin on Aug 7, 2008 2:45 PM EDT reply actions

Not sure how many “murders” constitute a “problem”, but we can’t forget the handgun stylings of Loren Wade:

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2897067

Note, also “problematic” in that the victim was a former player.

by SDSMP on Aug 7, 2008 2:45 PM EDT reply actions

Etch—

Isn’t our boy Nino all about capricious, arbitrary and capricious methodology? COMMERCE ACT JOKE GOES HERE.

by Orson Swindle on Aug 7, 2008 2:46 PM EDT reply actions

And what about gaytor center (projected starter) Maurkice Pouncey’s arrest for open container over the weekend? He should get at least 2 points for drinking natty lite for chrissakes!

http://www.miamiherald.com/sports/colleges/uf/story/624948.html

by Dawg Pound on Aug 7, 2008 2:51 PM EDT reply actions

Sic semper tyrannis, Orson.

by Etch Westgrin on Aug 7, 2008 2:54 PM EDT reply actions

That Darfur/Bosnia double OT game in the 2002 Atrocity Bowl still gets me pumped to this day.

by decemberist on Aug 7, 2008 3:13 PM EDT reply actions

If the EDSBS Store gets in a shipment of Darfur U. Saluki t-shirts, I’ll buy two. That ought to be enough to get my Chinese visa revoked.

by MaconDawg on Aug 7, 2008 3:13 PM EDT reply actions

^^ @1: Stupid Barner comment…see this is what I had to put up with all the time at school, talk about enduring the pain of a bama fan ^^

by AUgrad4Bama on Aug 7, 2008 3:13 PM EDT reply actions

i think the moral of the story here is don’t just murder one person if you want your squad to take home the trophy.

by gerry dorsey on Aug 7, 2008 3:20 PM EDT reply actions

That picture of Jimmy Johns reminds of mini-me every time I see it…

by ALGator on Aug 7, 2008 3:23 PM EDT reply actions

Have a drink on me for that one… still laughing.

by dudis41 on Aug 7, 2008 3:24 PM EDT reply actions

#10

What do these mean?: “^^”

I sincerely hope your time as an AU student were all within the last 6 years.

by TIGERinATL on Aug 7, 2008 3:27 PM EDT reply actions

So I read this great Fulmer Cupdate and right then, what shows up in my inbox? A message from the Save Darfur Coalition headlined “Salute Team Darfur.”
Go Salukis.

by bk on Aug 7, 2008 3:32 PM EDT reply actions

Just meant the comment up above. Ha, yes unfortunately, It was everyone of the last six years. Couldn’t have better timing for me huh?

by AUgrad4Bama on Aug 7, 2008 3:38 PM EDT reply actions

Re #8: decemberist

Jihad A&M University still thinks it got screwed by not getting the invite to that bowl.

http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/05/22/imaginary-mascots-twitchy-the-martyr/

by Geaux Irish on Aug 7, 2008 3:39 PM EDT reply actions

meant #14

by AUgrad4Bama on Aug 7, 2008 3:39 PM EDT reply actions

what about the three Miss State players who pleaded guilty to misdemeanors?

http://www.clarionledger.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080730/SPORTS030102/80730013

by Poppap on Aug 7, 2008 3:42 PM EDT reply actions

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on, something’s up.

How long have the comment numbers been in Century Gothic?

by impiri on Aug 7, 2008 3:45 PM EDT reply actions

Any word on why I’m constantly being shat on by the comments function? Stuff won’t post, and if it does, it just posts blank space and then my name.

by CincySooner on Aug 7, 2008 4:06 PM EDT reply actions

Washington is also missing pair of misdemeanor charges. I’d post the link, but I think that may be what is screwing up the comments function for me.

by CincySooner on Aug 7, 2008 4:12 PM EDT reply actions

yep, that’s what was doing it. Anyone know how to fix that?

I tell you what… comment-ibility on EDSBS has gone from easy to annoying in a hurry.

by CincySooner on Aug 7, 2008 4:15 PM EDT reply actions

sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/football/ncaa/08/04/washington.izbicki.ap/index.html

by CincySooner on Aug 7, 2008 4:16 PM EDT reply actions

Orson,

Just as a point of order, and bearing in mind my admittedly crimson-colored glasses, I only recall one other arrest for Alabama this offseason…not exactly “turbulent”, unless you consider the nature of the crimes.

Oh, and can anyone help a brother out with a list of good places to eat/drink/be merry in Gainsville? Pulling a week of work in Gator Land next month….

by sandman227 on Aug 7, 2008 4:17 PM EDT reply actions

hmmm… it seems to not like the “http://” prefix on the links

by CincySooner on Aug 7, 2008 4:17 PM EDT reply actions

I’m totally talking to myself here aren’t I?

by CincySooner on Aug 7, 2008 4:18 PM EDT reply actions

And forgive the dropping of the “e” in “Gainesville”

by sandman227 on Aug 7, 2008 4:22 PM EDT reply actions

The Pac 10 needs to pick it up. This showing is embarrassing.

by socalbryan on Aug 7, 2008 4:56 PM EDT reply actions

I gotta agree with # 25 Sandman…calling Alabama’s offseason “turbulent” is a bit of an overstatement. A quick google search reveals that only jeremy elder and Rashad Johnson were arrested prior to the JJ incident. Hardly on the same scale as what UGA’s working with…

by CrimsonCommodore on Aug 7, 2008 5:01 PM EDT reply actions

Not proud that UGA’s on the list, but at least you see the arrests for what they are: stupid college guy stuff: underaged drinking, bar fights, knuckle-headed pregnant belly rubbing. Too bad Jim Rome doesn’t have as much sense.

by Tony Murphy on Aug 7, 2008 5:03 PM EDT reply actions

Question: Is there an award for the last points of the season?

by NewAZTiger on Aug 7, 2008 5:14 PM EDT reply actions

Listen up PAYPULL – Coke Dealing by Spring-Practice Award winning LB and Armed Robbery by a Saban recruit does not constitute turbulence or a major problem. NICK SABAN is trying to do his jawb. LEAVE HIM ALONE PAYPULL. /phyllisfrommulga

by NewAZTiger on Aug 7, 2008 5:18 PM EDT reply actions

Any “Ben Siegert” award for the most ridiculous offense this off-season?

by jfwells on Aug 7, 2008 6:07 PM EDT reply actions

Think of Bama scoring TD’s while UGA kicks FG’s. Thats why Bama is winning.

by Crabapple Buck on Aug 7, 2008 7:00 PM EDT reply actions

Typical West Virginia. They have their own championship destiny in their hands at the end, and they totally eff it all up.

by JD on Aug 7, 2008 8:08 PM EDT reply actions

Apologies from Georgia; we confused quanity with quality. Scooter parking only signs are strictly enforced in Athens.

by Sundawg on Aug 7, 2008 9:12 PM EDT reply actions

Man – all those arrests & we’re still only in 7th place? Who do we pay off to move up around here?

by CLT Dawg on Aug 7, 2008 10:13 PM EDT reply actions

Just like Meth-zzouri’s ’07 season; they stay in the lead all the way up to the last few weeks and then miss the big win. Glad to see them finally paying for all their sins.

by Eric on Aug 8, 2008 9:49 AM EDT reply actions

I’m telling you guys, this year will be different. Bama will be able to hold a lead in the 4th qtr!! And Georgia should be getting an award for “most attempts at the end zone” via arrest, kinda like Texas Tech running 90+ plays on offense….. We connect on 2 basic slant-in touchdown passes and then Jimmy Johns returns a kickoff 108 yrds. Yes, we are Back……but we need bail money. I think our new sponsor is Western Union…..
We keep thuggin, and the Fulmer Cup Crystal we will be huggin’..

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Aug 8, 2008 12:07 PM EDT reply actions