Ohio State: still using the t-shirt gun, we hope.

From the defender of Western Civilization, the Buckeye State: since 1996 Ohio politicians have spent over $400,000 on Ohio State tickets with campaign money, according to the Chronicle of Higher Education. (Yes, we read the Chronicle of Higher Education. Their swinger personals are the best.)

The superb, spicy, batter-tasty nugget at the core of this is that the practice is written into Ohio campaign finance regulations, indicating that Ohio as a state is so football-mad that state legal code demonstrably takes this into account, and deems the practice as “official use.”

J. Curtis Mayhew, Ohio’s campaign-finance administrator, says the purchases are legal. “There’s no doubt that the statute is pretty lenient with regard to how they can spend their money,” he says. “Really, the big prohibition is on converting it to personal use.”

As long as you’re screaming bloody murder in an alcohol-fueled shitfit in a luxury box in an official sense, it’s perfectly okay. But when it gets personal, that’s when the Feds take notice, sir. As long as the pile of money and gallons of liquor waiting for an official from a potential donor are noted as “expenses” and included in a campaign finance declaration, we’re okay with it. Just hide your autographed Beanie Wells jerseys when the raid begins–the Feds will totally nab it when you’re least expecting it.