OHIO, VANGUARD OF CIVILIZATION AGAIN

by Orson on Aug 4, 2008 12:14 PM EDT

Ohio State: still using the t-shirt gun, we hope.

From the defender of Western Civilization, the Buckeye State: since 1996 Ohio politicians have spent over $400,000 on Ohio State tickets with campaign money, according to the Chronicle of Higher Education. (Yes, we read the Chronicle of Higher Education. Their swinger personals are the best.)

The superb, spicy, batter-tasty nugget at the core of this is that the practice is written into Ohio campaign finance regulations, indicating that Ohio as a state is so football-mad that state legal code demonstrably takes this into account, and deems the practice as "official use."

J. Curtis Mayhew, Ohios campaign-finance administrator, says the purchases are legal. Theres no doubt that the statute is pretty lenient with regard to how they can spend their money, he says. Really, the big prohibition is on converting it to personal use.

As long as you're screaming bloody murder in an alcohol-fueled shitfit in a luxury box in an official sense, it's perfectly okay. But when it gets personal, that's when the Feds take notice, sir. As long as the pile of money and gallons of liquor waiting for an official from a potential donor are noted as "expenses" and included in a campaign finance declaration, we're okay with it. Just hide your autographed Beanie Wells jerseys when the raid begins--the Feds will totally nab it when you're least expecting it.

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I’m sure all those alumni who are now being forced into that lottery system for tickets are quite happy to hear this.

by dudis41 on Aug 4, 2008 12:28 PM EDT reply actions

So the politicos can use campaign cash to buy OSU tickets, but an innocent little millionaire booster can’t (at least legally) use his fortune to buy a couple measly cars for the star players?

by DC Domer on Aug 4, 2008 12:34 PM EDT reply actions

If you think that’s bad, just wait till you see the type of bribes that get thrown to local Columbus area politicians when the contracts bidding season comes along.

We’re talking six figure bribes just for the right to clean up feces in parking lots. Only in American indeed.

by Ryno on Aug 4, 2008 12:43 PM EDT reply actions

The truly shocking part of this story is that it is based in Ohio and not Alabama.

by TIGERinATL on Aug 4, 2008 12:44 PM EDT reply actions

Politics and football have intermingled in Texas for years. The only reason Baylor is in the Big 12 is because the Texas governor at the time of the break up of the Southwest Conference (subsequent and entrance in to the Big 12) was Ann Richards, a Baylor grad.

by blon57 on Aug 4, 2008 12:49 PM EDT reply actions

I can’t wait until someone gets hit point blank with one of those t-shirt guns.

God-willing, it will be on YouTube in 20 minutes time.

by bk on Aug 4, 2008 12:50 PM EDT reply actions

Were talking six figure bribes just for the right to clean up feces in parking lots.

To be fair, in Columbus that is a six-figure job.

by Orson Swindle on Aug 4, 2008 12:53 PM EDT reply actions

Building on #5’s history theme, I’m told that the reason Michigan State doesn’t have a medical school is because, in the early 70s, MSU voted to send the Buckeyes to the Rose Bowl when OSU and UM had the same record. UM raised hell in the legislature, and managed to submarine MSU’s med school funding

by DC Domer on Aug 4, 2008 1:17 PM EDT reply actions

I hadn’t read the article when you posted this earlier, but I did this time. The Beanie Wells jersey was framed, but there is no mention of an autograph.

I realize much of what you do is satire, but you’ve mentioned the autographed jersey at least twice, meaning that you either did not read the Plain Dealer article carefully or you wanted to spread rumors about an innocent athlete.

by comoprozac on Aug 4, 2008 1:47 PM EDT reply actions

You would not believe how expensive those tshirt guns are (the good ones that can get to upper decks, anyway)…. I’m talking 5 figures here.

by PeterPumpkinhead on Aug 4, 2008 1:47 PM EDT reply actions

Plus, Darrell Royal used the death penalty excuse to rid SMU as a hated rival and tough competitor for DFW area talent. Based on football history & $$$$$, SMU should ahve been in the Beeg 12.

Baylor = EZ win every year – when is the last time Tejas lost to them? 1976?

by yoyofutbawl on Aug 4, 2008 1:50 PM EDT reply actions

- Not that the sentiment to screw them after that vote didn’t exist, but MSU has the College of Human Medicine, which was created in 1964:

http://humanmedicine.msu.edu/about/

by maskedavenger on Aug 4, 2008 2:41 PM EDT reply actions

Oh and BTW – I am pretty sure that every Legislator in Michigan gets offered Rose Bowl tickets whenever Michigan makes the game.

by maskedavenger on Aug 4, 2008 2:47 PM EDT reply actions

#11

And TCU got screwed in that deal, as well. They have a good program and have always been a competitor.

Besides the overall lawlessness that existed in the Southwest Conference, one of the main reasons for the conference break up was money. Specifically, TV markets and money. Since all the schools (minus Arkansas) were in Texas, the TV dollars weren’t as lucrative. Not to imply that money drives CFB…oh. no, I would never assume that.

Baylor…where coaching careers go to die. I’ve heard Mike Singletary turned the job down. If true, that is sad commentary on their program. I can remember when Teaff and Baylor were competitive.

by blon57 on Aug 4, 2008 3:13 PM EDT reply actions

#14
I think mainly the reason Baylor or Chicago haven’t been competitive lately is because they have bears for mascots……must be a down time for bears.

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Aug 4, 2008 5:13 PM EDT reply actions