CURIOUS INDEX, 8/4/2008

by Orson on Aug 4, 2008 8:29 AM EDT

Masters of Fulmer Cup Nano-engineering. Georgia continues to add to their total in baby steps. Points to be assessed in an entry later today, but the reported footage of the barfight suggests that the action was fast, furious, and ended the way all barfights should.

Peter points the way to archived preseason college football polling records, which after 1985 seemed to firm up in the department of not having unranked teams popping up to steal a national title from the aristocracy of the perpetually ranked. (See: Imaginationland BYU '84 team.)

The average? The eventual national champion since 1985 was, according to extremely detailed statistical analysis performed by a Georgia Tech graduate, ranked 6.28th. If this proves anything, it proves that the the real lesson here is that the AP's apartheid-esque policy against decimal points in ranking will only continue to make them look like imbeciles in the long run.

(If you would like a more statistically favorable manner of losing your money than gambling on college football's eventual national champion, we suggest roulette horse racing, or anything else at all besides NASCAR betting, which is even dumber. Better yet, take your money and just send it to us at EDSBS, P.O. Box 281, Noah Brindise Place, Kandahar Afghanistan 28828.)

Tony Barnhart is out at the AJC. The south's best sportswriter, Tony Barnhart, takes the buyout from Cox to leave the paper, no doubt for meatier bones offered by ESPN. Heh RTWT MSM BOO insert other blog cliche here INDEED. Of special interest: Furman Bisher was paid off in his his currency of choice--barter--and Terence Moore was retained, as was Mark Bradley, meaning Atlanta has the brainless two-headed experimental Russian dog of sports columnist we so richly deserve at our terminally-ill daily.

Can we invest in someone else's life insurance policy? Richard Tuitu'u, Arizona's only experienced tackle, just quit Arizona State's football team. The combined 22.8 neocortical neurons of Rudy Carpenter's brain cells just filed a blanket petition for asylum in "the country of wherever men in helmets killing us in huge numbers aren't, please."

Eat an entire casserole--um, sorry, that's hot dish--by yourself. Then run sprints up and down your driveway until you vomit. Then have your closest Yanomamo neighbor fire a stinging plug of the powerful hallucinogen ibini up your nose with a blowpipe, and then place a sack full of live, buzzing horseflies on your head.

Then, listen to this. Or just listen to it. You could probably get the same effect without all the preceding nonsense...but like Billy Dee Williams and good times without Colt 45...why take the chance? (HT: The Wiz.)

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You’re too late, O. Wal-Mart has already invested in some dead peasant insurance for Rudy Carpenter.

by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Aug 4, 2008 8:35 AM EDT reply actions

If you need a fake name when checking into a hotel, you could do a lot worse than “Billy Dee Williams.” Just make sure you remember Rule #1.

by Year2-Dave on Aug 4, 2008 8:43 AM EDT reply actions

The Dawgs scoff at Florida’s so-called “#1 party school” designation.

P-tui (or whatever sound spitting makes)

by Darkknight on Aug 4, 2008 9:08 AM EDT reply actions

I heard the dawgs started jumping on the dance floor to show off after their bar fight victory and the rest of the bar patrons mistook their celebration for a scene from the movie, “Stomp the Yard”.

by haybeav on Aug 4, 2008 9:23 AM EDT reply actions

The new Georgia fight song should be the last verse of The Traditional Irish Folk Song by (ick) Denis Leary:

We drink and we sing and we drink and we sing, hey!
We drink and we drive and we puke and we drink, hey!
We drink and we fight and we bleed and we cry, hey!
We puke and we smoke and we drink and we die, hey!

by Biggus Rickus on Aug 4, 2008 9:29 AM EDT reply actions

From Rudy Carpenter’s bio on the ASU site…he enjoys playing basketball and collecting shoes

Collecting shoes?

by blon57 on Aug 4, 2008 9:53 AM EDT reply actions

That sounds disturbingly like John Cleese as the Frenchman on the castle wall in Monty Pythons’ “The Holy Grail.”

Though strangely, it seems to fit: the outrageous accent, the vaguely irritating yet confusing taunting (after the previous string of UF victories in Jax), the frustration of the divinely chosen (King Arthur, Tim Tebow), etc.

Is Georgia the France of the SEC?

by Sullivan013 on Aug 4, 2008 9:59 AM EDT reply actions

Georgia’s not France this year. They’re Portugal.

-outrageous accent
-highly regarded for moderate past successes
-incredibly talented yet barely tolerable central figure
-lots of midfield play with incredible difficulty scoring inside seven yards
-cult-of-personality coach

by brougham on Aug 4, 2008 10:07 AM EDT reply actions

Sorry if I’m late to the party on this one, but has anyone else noticed that the line at the bottom of the index says “Every Morn Oughtn’t be Satur-Day Morn, Dot-Com”? Shouldn’t it be “Ought be,” not “oughtn’t”?

I’m not saying, I’m just saying.

by ronald on Aug 4, 2008 10:07 AM EDT reply actions

Being from Nebraska, I would like to point out polka unfortunately is still alive. A few Xmas ago I was back from college, and my parents took me to a bar that used to have the best steak in the area. Well, apparently friday nights there became Polka and Fish night. My parents, in their 50’s, we the youngest people in there (myself excluded). It was the worst fish I ever ate. Just imagine that Bo Pelini song going on for 45 minutes, and expecting mouthwatering prime rib, and you get flounder instead.

Moral of the Story, never drive to the boonies to eat at a great restaurant, the great one could have been replaced by a polka loving owner.

by J-Mac=WMD on Aug 4, 2008 10:10 AM EDT reply actions

Terence Moore wasn’t gonna take the white man’s buyout.

by Doug on Aug 4, 2008 10:19 AM EDT reply actions

Don’t mess with my Tuitu’u.

by yoyofutbawl on Aug 4, 2008 10:37 AM EDT reply actions

Orson:

Not sure if you’ve heard, but John Mark Stallings, the biggest Alabama fan who ever lived, passed away on Saturday. Didn’t know if you’d want to mention it or not.

by Tater Salad on Aug 4, 2008 10:44 AM EDT reply actions

Condolences to the Stalling family and Alabama Nation. Though a life-long Tiger fan, I always had the utmost respect for Gene Stallings, and from what I heard, his son was a very special person who touched the lives of everyone he met.

by Sullivan013 on Aug 4, 2008 10:58 AM EDT reply actions

1.) Bisher and Barnhart leaving actually balances out… too bad there’s nothing left behind (well, it’s not that bad, I mean, even Atlantans don’t read the AJC)

2.) I noticed in a story on John Mark that he lived to be 46… they originally told Coach Stallings that he’d only make it to 25. I’m sure there’s something we should all learn from a kid who could be that happy just to be at a game during as bad a stretch as the last 10 years have been in Tuscaloosa. I’m not wise enough to figure out what that is, though.

3.) While we’re talking about Atlanta and Death, Skip Carey passed in his sleep last night. Dammit.

4.) While we’re talking about Alabama and Death, Coach Pepper, the former PA Announcer at Bryant-Denny and Legion Field (and unofficial Voice-Of-God) is in renal failure at UAB Medical Center and isn’t expected to leave

5.) It was a lousy weekend.

by PeterPumpkinhead on Aug 4, 2008 11:42 AM EDT reply actions

Just curious, on the SASWiki page for the Fulmer Cup, it still shows the “concealed weapon” charge, but that was dropped. Was there a ruling on that/Is that still reflected in the point total?

by BCDawg97 on Aug 4, 2008 1:40 PM EDT reply actions