RONNIE WILSON HELPS FLORIDA RELOAD

My gun is this big.

A powerful high-caliber recruit who shot into the starting lineup as a left guard on the 2006 national title team, Ronnie Wilson will be reinstated at Florida as a walk-on on the defensive tackle position*.

Wilson, who spent over a year away from the team following an incident where the lineman discharged an AK-47 in a downtown Gainesville parking lot**, aims to help the Gators reload on the defensive line. The d-line will need significant firepower this season to assist a secondary still reeling from being shot to pieces by opposing quarterbacks in 2007. Wilson, a 6'4", 310 pound former starting guard, could provide some substantial fire along the line, though there is a firefight of competition surrounding the spot.*** He'll have to acquire all the skills d-lineman need: looking down the barrel of an onrushing offensive lineman, shooting the gap, and strafing through blocks in rapid-fire fashion to bring down his target.

Given the current state of Florida's defensive line, we predict Wilson will rise with a bullet to the top of the depth chart!**** Go Gators!*****

*Really? Reeeeeeeeally? Agog. Agape. Not with surprise, but with disgust, since we sort of expected him to be back on the team in November of 2007. By that standard, we should be happy, if that "standard" didn't mean "bitter sarcasm," and it does.

**Fucking around and just discharging a weapon? We could live with that. We could, really. Everyone has a gun in Florida. Alligators have guns. Possums do, too, though really they mostly prefer poisoning their rivals, which explains why you see them lying around half-dead all the time. It's kind of a passion of theirs.

But discharging a machine gun because you feel threatened, or even just carrying one around in your trunk? That's a behavioral dealbreaker, or rephrased: should have been a behavioral dealbreaker.

***Because vaunted frosh Omar Hunter allegedly already hurt his back weightlifting. The noise you hear is us punting the nearest puppy into a bug zapper. No, we don't feel better after that.

****Purchase smoke machines and military fatigues immediately. We're da U now, and will have to live with it. Jacked Jesus on a pogo stick; having a cyborg as your coach has its drawbacks, but this is the greatest one by far. Well, that and his plan to exterminate the human race one fleshy weakling at a time. That's a potentially inconvenient bit, too.

*****Only possible upside: Ronnie Wilson can wear 47 if Brandon Antwine's willing to switch jerseys.

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