FULMER CUP: WVU TAKES THE LEAD, BOGGLES IMAGINATION
Really?Kendall Washington, redshirt freshman, puts West Virginia in a tie for the Fulmer Cup.
CANTON The man told police the masked robber came to his bedroom as he slept, demanded money and jewelry, then shot him twice.
The victim couldn’t see the gunman’s face, but city police have charged former St. Thomas Aquinas High School football star Kendall M. Washington with aggravated robbery and felonious assault. A grand jury now will take a look at the evidence to see if he should stand trial.
Blanket allegedlys all around, but: breaking into someone’s house, stealing things at gunpoint, and then shooting someone in the head in front of their five year-old means large, large points no matter what the charges. Currently, as it stands, Washington’s charged with aggravated burglary and felonious assault. Under FC rules as they stand:
Grand Larceny: 4 points. We use this as a catchall for players being involved in crime so outrageous and well-planned it can only be described as ‘nefarious,’ ‘professional,’ or ‘legislation.’ Applies to large drug rings, chop shop operations, and the Haitian human trafficking ring that’s been run out of the Miami locker room since ‘93. (We kid! They didn’t get that thing humming ’til ‘95 at the earliest.)
Assault doesn’t seem to cover this; nor does generic burglary charges. Therefore, we award four points for each charge, and a bonus point for, well, HOLY HELL IN FRONT OF A FIVE-YEAR OLD CHILD? That’s Killing Joke Joker territory, there.
The total comes to nine points total, a sum which places in WVU in a tie for the lead in the Fulmer Cup. That’s not score manipulation to tie things up and make some excitement in the idle days of late July; if anything, that’s some circumspect scoring for a crime of astonishingly random, nasty cruelty.
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1
MalibuJuice says:
Reporter: So, coach, do you think you’ll release Washington from your team?
Coach: Well, he’s generally been a good kid so we may just wait to see what happens. Maybe we’ll just suspend him.
West Fuckin’ Virginia
July 30th, 2008 at 10:44 am
2
Allahver Fist says:
I plead true in believing his playing days are over. What are the parameters for a Fulmer Cup overtime? Sudden Meth?
July 30th, 2008 at 10:44 am
3
Jack Mihoff says:
And we’re all tied up. Is there overtime in the FC? Perhaps the first team to have a player suspended during the season?
July 30th, 2008 at 10:45 am
4
suicidewatch says:
finally the trilogy is complete. Chris Henry, Pac Man Jones, and now Kendall Washington. West Fucking Virginia has not just picked up the slack on the field for The U after they left the Big East, but also off the field.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:49 am
5
Ground0EastLansing says:
#2- I believe what happens is that Orson will claim WFVA as the Fulmer Cup Champions, while Holly annoints ‘Bama as Fulmer Cup Champions. Next year, the FCCS (Fulmer Cup Champion Series) will be invented, causing consternation among everyone as this site when 1/3 of the points depend entirely on Skip Bayless rants.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:49 am
6
OhioDawg says:
OK Alabama, this is when Champions respond.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:51 am
7
Jesus says:
WVU is making Miami look like a bunch of pussies. Man up, Hurricanes.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:51 am
8
gerry dorsey says:
paging prince hall…mr. hall you are needed at the front desk.
we want that trophy prince.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:53 am
9
Kenny says:
“Applies to large drug rings, chop shop operations, and the Haitian human trafficking ring”
Chop blocks!? Oh … my bad …
You know … if we get burning sofas and rammer jammers simultaneously we’ve earned a glorious start to the season. Or, possibly, the world fracturing and swallowing us all whole.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:54 am
10
Doug says:
And to think everyone predicted doom for the Big East when Miami and VaTech bolted for the ACC.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:54 am
11
Brian O'Blivion says:
Someone in Bama is going to see that WFVU has tied it up and come up with some piddly alcohol charge with time running out, to put them over the top for #13.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:58 am
12
sb says:
See, I told you we need Patterson’s witness held on non-related kidnapping charges to be granted that scholly to put WFV over the top…or I guess even a simple dui at this point might do it.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:58 am
13
Sullivan013 says:
From the link:
“When he was a younger kid, he was an angry kid, but he was a good kid…”
Yep. Good and angry. That’s the WVU way.
Sullivan013
July 30th, 2008 at 10:59 am
14
Hokie Andrew says:
As a WV native I can only add, “How about them ‘Eers!”
July 30th, 2008 at 11:01 am
15
Ryno says:
He’s really a victim of the system. How can anyone expect to come out of the mean streets of Canton, Ohio without some type of baggage?
Also – fuck you, west virginia.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:04 am
16
James says:
A redshirt freshman? Another DickRod recruit; indeed, he has gone for the hat trick, trifecta, whatever.
If, of course, this is the guy. Picked out of a lineup by someone who saw a Man In Black running away from out his window? And the other witness is a guy now doing time for kidnapping?
Quick, call my cousin Vinnie!
That being said, if the charges stick Coach Stew will have him off the team immediately, no questions asked. No suspensions — just gone. He’s already had to do it with some other of DickRod’s recruits.
UM, you paying attention?
July 30th, 2008 at 11:04 am
17
doubtingthomas says:
Killing Joke Joker would have tortured the 5 year old first, before shooting anybody in the face.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:07 am
18
Jeremy says:
OK, so this year I think I’ve completed the cycle as a Fulmer Cup fan. Stage 1: giggling like a school girl at players getting charged with drunkenness, indecency, or other such buffoonery. Stage 2: slapping my forehead because some jackass fired a round in the air or pointed a gun at someone else for no good reason. Stage 3: stunned silence at charges of rape, beating up fellow students, and other violence not typically covered by the old “college kids do stupid things” sentiment. Stage 4: dropping my effing jaw at this piece of work. Am I missing any?
July 30th, 2008 at 11:07 am
19
okiedomer says:
out of curiousity, is there any chance he could get more charges added? like attempted murder?
it’s shameful i don’t know the answer to this, and i feel like my student loans were all for not, but damnit, i don’t do criminalities
July 30th, 2008 at 11:08 am
20
yoyofutbawl says:
1
When did WVU hire Mike Shula?
July 30th, 2008 at 11:12 am
21
juan miguel says:
Meanwhile, Bill Stewart is forced to stare at an injured Pat White in various states of undress…and endures, sanity in tact
July 30th, 2008 at 11:12 am
22
Der Schatten says:
+1 (yea, I know, it’s early) for the Killing Joke reference. And, of course, we’re gonna’ blow it (HT to Jimmy Johns for that one).
July 30th, 2008 at 11:13 am
23
Darkknight says:
Man, does this take the FC individual performance over Mr. Jimmy John and the UF dead student / credit card thing?
July 30th, 2008 at 11:15 am
24
blon57 says:
His HS coach wants the kid to… “go on growing as a person.”
That is a euphemism for what exactly? Not shoot people? Yes, that would be a good life goal.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:17 am
25
fife in the bay says:
“In March 2005, Washington, then 15, punched an 18-year-old woman and broke a storm door at her home.”
“A year later, Washington and other suspects were accused of beating a 56-year-old man unconscious and dragging him from his car, court records show”
So, sounds like we have a real winner here, but wait, just to solidify my case
“”His mother did an awesome job of raising him and his two older brothers.”
Uh, ok?
July 30th, 2008 at 11:17 am
26
D. Ray says:
Rule #4 for posting on the story website.
4. Don’t threaten anyone. It’s against the law and bad manners.
If you are willing to disregard the fact that something is against the law… then we hope you will take a second look when you realize that people may think you are not such a nice person when it comes to being civil about things.
Keep that in mind you Ne’er Do Wells.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:18 am
27
Last Dragon says:
A split title? That’s not tolerable. One of you geniuses needs to come up with a computer formula (a la BCS) for the Fulmer Cup. Instead of strength of schedule, factor in geographical influences, the ability of the local police force, etc. I know someone is smart enough to break this tie.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:19 am
28
hobeg8r says:
Okie-Domer. The grand jury is convening to see whether or not he should stand trial. The prosecutor can file additional charges based on the information presented to the grand jury. However, I think shooting someone in the head will probably qualify for attempted murder.
If Jimmy Johns can get 20 points for the NON-VIOLENT crime of selling cocaine to undercover agents…then this dirtbag deserves more than 9.
I’m from Florida. There’s gotta be hanging chads on this one! I demand a recount.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:23 am
29
dudis41 says:
#26
I would do smallest deviation between points per incident (which would pretty much eliminate Alabama).
July 30th, 2008 at 11:24 am
30
Crabapple Buck says:
Why break the tie? Even if WfV got another point, Bama would still claim it as number 13. They would be ‘the people’s’ champion. Points seem kinda light given the gun and shooting and all.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:25 am
31
blon57 says:
#25
I bet his mother compares parenting notes with Vick’s mother, matriarch of another great football family.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:28 am
32
Tater Salad says:
Public Service Announcement for all of you saying Bama will claim #13. We did that already on National Signing Day. This will be 14.
But really, though, I fully admit that the 12 claimed MNC are, at the very least, suspect (I’m looking at you, 1941). But please don’t confuse us with the “people’s national champion.” That’s the other school in state. That had championship rings made. When they didn’t make it to the title game. And like to make fun of Bama fans for claiming bogus national champtionships.
Finally, the scoring does seem light… Perhaps some tweaking is needed to differentiate between violent and non-violent offenses…
July 30th, 2008 at 11:35 am
33
Mr.Pelican Pants says:
The only way to settle this is to have a WFVU football player and an Alabama football player, both underage, with fake ID’s, give them each $500 cash, and turn them loose together for a weekend in a Escalade with 24’s, at or around Penn State or Tuscaloosa and come Monday 9am, the player with the most individual points get the tiebreaker. Rules state players must leave each night at 8pm and cannot return to the Waffle House before 6am. Must be legally drunk and spend at least $100 on weed,$100 on Drank,and $200 on strippers. The other $200 is for gas.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:38 am
34
blon57 says:
#19 – i don’t do criminalities
Please. You lived in Oklahoma and watched OU play for at least four years. You should have learned the ropes just by keeping up with the football program.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:41 am
35
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
And the remaining $400 is for bail money, equally divided the $1000 between the 2.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:41 am
36
TIGERinATL says:
As much as I want Alabama to take this title, I have to agree that this deserves more points than Jimmy John’s blow operation. His 20 points were inflated by accumulating multiple counts as the detectives built a more solid case. They don’t really have the option to let Washington shoot a few more people to rack up charges.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:43 am
37
hobeg8r says:
Mr. Pelican Pants – and with RP as the arbiter. He should count for something since he no longer can play in the Fulmer Cup.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:43 am
38
spartymike says:
re: #33
I would pay-per-view this sight unseen.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:44 am
39
TIGERinATL says:
Tater, won’t this be 14 1/2 counting your claimed share of Saban’s 2003 LSU title?
July 30th, 2008 at 11:47 am
40
Biggus Rickus says:
See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum… and one night… one night they decide they don’t like living in an asylum any more. They decide they’re going to escape! So like they get up on to the roof, and there, just across the narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in moon light… stretching away to freedom. Now the first guy he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend daren’t make the leap. Y’see he’s afraid of falling… So then the first guy has an idea. He says “Hey! I have my flash light with me. I will shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk across the beam and join me.” But the second guy just shakes his head. He says… he says “What do you think I am, crazy? You would turn it off when I was half way across.”
/killing joke
July 30th, 2008 at 11:51 am
41
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
I am trying to wrap my head around this. You play football at a nationally ranked program. You sometimes get on the field…..
Are things so bad financially for these players that you have to resort to A) Slangin Cane
B)Breaking and entering, Armed robbery, then shooting the victim, shooting to kill, after robbing them? In front of their 5 yr old? What excuse can a defense attorney come up with that will exonerate their client, allegedly, in front of the supposed jury?
C) I get “dumb crimes”—-fighting, drinkin’, ,usually both at the same time……all the “kids will be kids” BS we hear about, but guns, robbery,drugs and rapes?
Hell the next logical step is murder…..then what?
I give this one to WFVU by default….kid is lucky he wasnt shot to death had he broke into an armed to the teeth NRA Card gun totin’ redneck in Florida, where you can shoot first and ask questions later.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:52 am
42
HeadThief says:
Drug trafficking overstates points. You get a charge for every time you sell. Seems this “good, angry kid” fired the gun twice, so he should get points for each shot.
#33 – I like your playoff solution and the math. I assume the other $100 has to be obtained from boosters over the weekend? I would amend the playoff be in Georgia and require the contestants to roll through a stop sign while not wearing a seatbelt at some point in the competition, then raise bail money to get back to the waffle house by 6 a.m.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:52 am
43
sonofsamford says:
Tater,
How many Auburn fans have you bumped into that claim the 2004 MNC? I know the team had rings made and a few idiots ran around with t-shirts, but I personally don’t know anyone who claims that title.
I haven’t seen anyone on this site claim it besides Alabama fans using it to deflect from criticism of the 12 y’all claim.
July 30th, 2008 at 11:55 am
44
Tater Salad says:
Tiger-
I stand corrected. 14.5.
Sonofsamford-
Was my deflection that obvious?
July 30th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
45
blon57 says:
Off topic, but @#42
This is good.
http://reveillevii.blogspot.com/2008/07/im-back.html
July 30th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
46
wvumgr says:
Do the points still count if he hasn’t been on the team since the spring? just wondering
July 30th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
47
Mr. Ashley Russell says:
I don’t know where you guys keep coming up with 14.5 for Alabama, they already claim 26 Fulmer Cup Championships. I mean, hell- it’s not their fault that EDSBS wasn’t counting FC points way back then, and since points weren’t being counted they can damn near claim anything they want to for crimes reaching back as far as the Civil War…
July 30th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
48
wooooooohoooooooooo says:
I recall a story a while back that didn’t seem especially cruel or heartbreaking, yet all the commenters were going into compassion-mode.
Yet this story seems unusually brutal, worthy of taking a step back and saying, “Whoa..”, but no one seems to.
Maybe my moral compass needs adjusting?
July 30th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
49
blon57 says:
#48
True. The kid shot someone in the head when their five-year-old child was right there. This was not just an incident of a good kid doing something stupid.
July 30th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
50
HeadThief says:
blon57 – thanks. and thx for stopping by.
July 30th, 2008 at 12:36 pm