REEEEEEEEEMIIIIIIIIX!!! Take him out of the ballgame, y’all.

Still looking for new Reveille; best mascot in college football still waiting for call back. The Aggies still look for MAUAJI, DESTROYER OF FOES. They do not want a collie, as they are all, underneath the short ties and bowl cuts, BLOODHAPPY KILLERS. They need MAUAJI. All
they need do is call his name, and of course, provide competitive package for handler, Steve.


Mauaji awaits. Call his name.

We, too, are experts in this field. Ron Brown, after faking his own death in a fiery plane crash and escaping from a living hell as Commerce Secretary and Clinton flunky, became a football coach, a profession that not only allowed him to mold young lives, but also to indulge in his many interests as a renaissance man. See Nebraska’s media guide for evidence:

“Brown is an outspoken advocate on many issues, including adoption, abstinence, and drug and alcohol education, race relations and pornography, to name a few.”

We know porno. In fact, our areas of specialty include seventies porno, early transitional video, and mid-90s gonzo, in particular the early groundbreaking work of Lexington Steele and Sledge Hammer. See our thesis, “Stretched to the Limits: Vaginal Torsion as a Metaphor for Interracial Porn Race Relations in 90s Adult Video.”

As far as drug and alcohol education, well, we can educate youth on these, as well. (”Kids, don’t smoke weed and do meth at the same time. You’d be better off duct taping your face to a detuned television and sticking your feet in beehive slippers.”) As far as abstinence, well…that’s why we’re not coaching at Nebraska, we guess.

Toxic mouthgards? Rub some dirt in ‘em. Oh, wait… Arkansas youth football starts the season with toxic mouthguards. It’s not my fault I threw that interception, coach. Blame the exotic bacterial infection that’s digesting my brain instead.

Broseph! They’re gonna kiss! AOL has girlz! They might kiss! Maybe they’ll all kiss Erin Andrews and FIRE THUR LAZRS 2GETHR! YEAH SHOOP DA WHOOP!!! 9/11 didn’t happen YES IT DID UR A TERRORIST FUCK U NO FUCK U FAGG!!!

Good to see AOL’s finally let the commenters take over the hivemind, there. The sponsorship from Buttfuckers can’t be far off now.