FULMER CUP: ARKANSAS RALLY CAR FAIL

by Orson on Jul 28, 2008 12:59 PM EDT

Country gentleman Petrino: classy, unlike SOME people we know.

It's a sign of a bad liar that, when pressed to offer an explanation for his actions, the liar in question denies charge one but willingly cops to what they consider a lesser charge. Honey, I didn't sleep with the stripper. But I did take three hundred dollars from the emergency fund for blow for the boys. We cool, right?

Arkansas wide receiver Marques Wade is a prime example of this phenomena. Case in point: after almost hitting a cop with a car--which they really, really don't like--Wade was pulled over. (That happens fairly often when you almost hit policemen with cars.) Wade then proceeded to display cunning linguistic skills by erecting a rhetorical smokescreen that would send blood shooting from Matlock's overloaded brainframe.

A Fayetteville police report shows an officer stopped the sophomore from Ellenwood, Ga., after he sped through a parking lot and nearly slid into another officer. The report alleges Wade had bloodshot eyes and denied drinking, but said he had smoked some marijuana earlier in the day.

Weed? Well, son, who hasn't done that? Drive on! You're practically sober! For outstanding DUI, Arkansas picks up a base charge of three points, but also earns an additional point for the whole almost-hitting-a-policeman thing for a total of four points in the Fulmer Cup.

To show you that you have crossed the Harvey Dent rubicon into seeing the villain become a moderately tasteful semi-villain: do you hear Bobby Petrino complaining about the disciplinary problems he inherited from Houston Nutt?

Of course not. That's what heels do. A refined gentleman like Petrino simply checks his Blackberry for any pressing job offers emails from his agent and moves on like a gentleman. DO YOU HEAR ME KRAGTHORPE YOU NABOB? Whatever, says Petrino: go back to eating your salad with the dessert fork, you cretin. See if an ascot-wearing duke like B.P. has anything to say to a savage like yourself. Drive on, Beersworthy!

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Oh, cunning linguist, will you never cease to amuse me?

by Biggus Rickus on Jul 28, 2008 1:12 PM EDT reply actions

One day I was walking with my dog around Piedmont Park. It was pretty hot so we stopped and got him some water at Park Tavern. We had just gotten up to leave when I saw two men making out. They were tongue wrestling with an intensity that would make Coach Amato smile and nod. At the time I thought it was the most disturbing shit I’d ever seen. And then I bought season tickets for the 2007 Atlanta Falcons.

by Ryno on Jul 28, 2008 1:16 PM EDT reply actions

This guy looks like he is just holding back a giant turd and waiting for the right moment to let it drop…

oh…. he did?

by InsaneCoachPosse on Jul 28, 2008 1:17 PM EDT reply actions

Hold on to your knickers Orson. A big one is about to hit from Charlottesville, VA.

by pfhokie on Jul 28, 2008 1:18 PM EDT reply actions

Well, at least we’re back to the good ol’ fashioned DUI. (See also KY). I was getting worried that we were getting into the career criminal arena in the SEC. Not that you can’t make a career out of driving drunk. (See Kenny Stabler). But….at least we’re not Iowa.

by hobeg8r on Jul 28, 2008 1:19 PM EDT reply actions

http://www.nbc29.com/Global/story.asp?S=8746000&nav=menu496_4_1

and

http://www.club216.com/files/about/about.html-ssi

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

by pfhokie on Jul 28, 2008 1:20 PM EDT reply actions

Maybe Coach P was too busy perusing the requisite Coaching Hot Seat columns that are now surfacing …

by Kenny on Jul 28, 2008 1:21 PM EDT reply actions

Think you have had some bad hair days? Check out the UVA player in the first pic from the article about their arrests.

by Brian O'Blivion on Jul 28, 2008 1:29 PM EDT reply actions

Whether they’re gay or not — and let the record show that as a pinko traditional-values-hating liberal, it makes no difference to me either way — you have to admit that if you’re a football player for a BCS-conference program, and you just have to get busted for swiping beers somewhere, an advertised gay club is probably not the best place to do it. Thomas Jefferson would not be amused.

by Doug on Jul 28, 2008 2:24 PM EDT reply actions

When I was in college, some fellow students used to tell me “dude, the cheapest beer in town is at [insert name of nearby gay/lesbian/transgendered bar here]!” It was at that point that we established precisely how far MD would go for inexpensive Budweiser. Answer: not quite that far. I’m sure they were only there for the cheap beer. Yeah, that’s their story and they’re sticking to it.

by MaconDawg on Jul 28, 2008 2:27 PM EDT reply actions

Remember, the UVA/VT game is in Blacksburg this year, so they will be reminded plenty about this over Thanksgiving Weekend.

This happening at a marketed gay bar aside: Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined Virginia racking up this many Fulmer points. Honestly, the times of Virginia fans/alumni making fun of Virginia Tech for their off-the-field mishaps are officially over. Thats one less thing to make fun of Virginia Tech (but there are still PLENTY of stuff left, though).

by BigErn on Jul 28, 2008 2:36 PM EDT reply actions

@10…pretty sure they weren’t there solely for cheap bear…ummm…beer. It’s $13 to enter with a friend who’s a member, and $50 to join. As the website says " You must be a member or a guest of a member to enter the club."

by Der Schatten on Jul 28, 2008 2:37 PM EDT reply actions

DS @ 12

What is the fee for the back door?

by Crabapple Buck on Jul 28, 2008 3:01 PM EDT reply actions

@12

Actually they were probably there for the midnight screening of Zardoz. It’s an Al Groh favorite from back in the day.

by MaconDawg on Jul 28, 2008 3:04 PM EDT reply actions

I think they should get 69 bonus Fulmer points for being the first pioneers in Div 1 football and being busted at a gay bar. Not that theres anything wrong with that.
Does stealing or trying to steal beer at a gay bar qualify as a “hate crime”? As in “hating” to see the headline with your name and “gay bar” and “arrest” in the next days paper?

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jul 28, 2008 3:44 PM EDT reply actions

Well at least UVA opponents wont have to worry about chop blocks…….I would be worried about the “double teams” and the gay patented “scratch your eyes out” move…..

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jul 28, 2008 3:49 PM EDT reply actions