“No one is sure.” That was Rogers Redding’s sentiment in ye olde radio and internet room last week at SEC Media Days regarding new clock rules. Good to hear that even the officials remain unclear on exactly what the rules will do to game length. We’d love to think that a bunch of reasonably intelligent people can get together, reason out the implications of a system of rules designed to do one thing, and then have it do the other–namely, there’s an outside shot that if offenses want to, they can make games longer, not shorter. It would be the logical and just result of attempting to make whoopee with the divine game in…in the ass?

In this metaphor, the sketchy guy in the beard laughing uncontrollably? That’s us.

Armanti Edwards: afraid of flying. App State’s qb hates to fly, which puts him in illustrious company: Aretha Franklin, John Madden, and John Denver, just to name a few. Judging from this very scientific survey, we predict Armanti Edwards has a 66% chance of becoming grossly obese and traveling solely by bus. (It’s better than the 33% option here.)

Because Gamecocks were too obvious? Vandy would be the first SEC school to have an openly gay athlete? Please. Nashville’s way too churchy for that. The counterintuitive genius would go for LSU, simply because Louisianans would be all for it so long as the player was a.) like, Mardi Gras gay, and b.) was a defensive end could hang clean a fully loaded airboat, and c.) was an excuse to make signs like “BEND EAUXVER, HERE COMES (PLAYER NAME HERE.)

Alabama/Virginia Tech remains a distinct possibility for the 2009 Georgia Dome opener, according to Barnhart. Saban versus Beamer: Scowl Factor 12, at the very least.

SMQ, get money. SMQ, headed to Yahoo. ‘Bout fucking time Hinton got paid, since he is the best college football writer in the known universe. Stack it on the kitchen table, because we realize you’re the truth and not a fable. Congratulations, sir: you earned it.