CURIOUS INDEX, 7/28/2008

by Orson on Jul 28, 2008 9:03 AM EDT

"No one is sure." That was Rogers Redding's sentiment in ye olde radio and internet room last week at SEC Media Days regarding new clock rules. Good to hear that even the officials remain unclear on exactly what the rules will do to game length. We'd love to think that a bunch of reasonably intelligent people can get together, reason out the implications of a system of rules designed to do one thing, and then have it do the other--namely, there's an outside shot that if offenses want to, they can make games longer, not shorter. It would be the logical and just result of attempting to make whoopee with the divine game in...in the ass?

In this metaphor, the sketchy guy in the beard laughing uncontrollably? That's us.

Armanti Edwards: afraid of flying. App State's qb hates to fly, which puts him in illustrious company: Aretha Franklin, John Madden, and John Denver, just to name a few. Judging from this very scientific survey, we predict Armanti Edwards has a 66% chance of becoming grossly obese and traveling solely by bus. (It's better than the 33% option here.)

Because Gamecocks were too obvious? Vandy would be the first SEC school to have an openly gay athlete? Please. Nashville's way too churchy for that. The counterintuitive genius would go for LSU, simply because Louisianans would be all for it so long as the player was a.) like, Mardi Gras gay, and b.) was a defensive end could hang clean a fully loaded airboat, and c.) was an excuse to make signs like "BEND EAUXVER, HERE COMES (PLAYER NAME HERE.)

Alabama/Virginia Tech remains a distinct possibility for the 2009 Georgia Dome opener, according to Barnhart. Saban versus Beamer: Scowl Factor 12, at the very least.

SMQ, get money. SMQ, headed to Yahoo. 'Bout fucking time Hinton got paid, since he is the best college football writer in the known universe. Stack it on the kitchen table, because we realize you're the truth and not a fable. Congratulations, sir: you earned it.

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So, if we’re not counting the four year multiple cavity DNA swap that was Hart and Henne, what actually does count as gay? Casey Clausen in his speedo?

by Sherlock Hemlock on Jul 28, 2008 9:30 AM EDT reply actions

. . . we predict Armanti Edwards has a 66% chance of becoming grossly obese and traveling solely by bus. (Its better than the 33% option here.)

Yeah, no kidding. Why didn’t John Denver take a shower before he took his last plane flight? Because he figured he could just wash up on shore! What, too soon?

by Doug on Jul 28, 2008 9:50 AM EDT reply actions

Wow, total props to SMQ. Actual talent and hard work being recognized and rewarded? Holy shit, the world is making some sense for a minute here…

by Pants McPants on Jul 28, 2008 9:58 AM EDT reply actions

Is Armanti Edwards the UGA Athletic Director?

by UF Ghostal on Jul 28, 2008 9:59 AM EDT reply actions

Note—the key is openly gay—everyone knows there have been plenty of gay athletes. Just not many that were open about it.

Hell, in the ACC they are a dime a dozen in the non-major sports. And yes, I would know because I was one.

This will certainly change the tenor of the recruiting events.

Saban: do you drive stick or automatic son?
Recruit: umm…I’m gonna go with automatic.
Saban: its okay. you can tell me. we want you to have a good time at bama. parker-wilson? gay. its okay here. so long as no one finds out.
Recruit: why don’t you just pay me in cash and i’ll find my own hookers.
Saban: done.

by Sherlock's sidekick on Jul 28, 2008 9:59 AM EDT reply actions

Good for SMQ. He is WAY better than most of the content Yahoo has had going to this point.

by oc phil on Jul 28, 2008 10:04 AM EDT reply actions

BryantDennySatan Stadium? I don’t think Mr Gray Suit can stay at one job long enough to achieve that.

by yoyofutbawl on Jul 28, 2008 10:07 AM EDT reply actions

Just curious:

Is there an over/under on the number of consecutive days that the words “hang clean” will appear on EDSBS?

by CKGator on Jul 28, 2008 10:20 AM EDT reply actions

I ain’t gettin on no plane coach Hannibal!
Yeah sure, I’ll drink some milk… zzzzzzzzzz

How long will Armanti fall for that trick?

Possible plane ride, coach offers him a glass of milk, presto-chango, he wakes up at far off destination, ready to shoot bad guys… errr, run around and through the “victors.”

by skinnyphatman on Jul 28, 2008 10:29 AM EDT reply actions

I’ve got my openly gay in the SEC money on Arkansas, so their fans can yell things like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-tdCq6U4qo

by baconboy on Jul 28, 2008 10:29 AM EDT reply actions

I’d say the idea of swapping out Louisville for Vandy is a lot worse than openly gay athletes.

by OhioDawg on Jul 28, 2008 10:35 AM EDT reply actions

I’ll beat Kanu to the punch, and note that there’s an outside chance Armanti Edwards becomes a tall, rail-thin Dutch #8-ish striker who often misses Champions League matches due to fear of flying.

by now_a_hoo on Jul 28, 2008 10:52 AM EDT reply actions

Its not the fear of flying…the flying is the fun part…..
the fear I have is the engines quit working….at the same time…at the apex of the flight…..and the flight path becomes that of a brick…..for every foot you fly forward, you drop 2 feet at the same time, real fast, and you hit the ground real hard, or you end up like the people on LOST……….living on an island……kinda like being an actual Alabama fan in theory…..

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jul 28, 2008 11:18 AM EDT reply actions

…..and I miss SMQ already……just like playing NCAA 2009 til 2am (and getting waxed by some random 12 yr old who talked so much smack he had to be cheating)…..makes me miss a season we are yet to play……..also is it me or is that new Bud Lite Lime too easy to drink? I mean usually on a hot day on the water it takes a little while to nurse a 6 pack, but damn 15 mins? before all 4 of us had only wakeboarded for 2 hrs and all that shit (case and a half) was gone….

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jul 28, 2008 11:26 AM EDT reply actions

John Denver ref – too soon.

Saban is trying his damndest to get into that Atlanta recruiting base. I heard in 2010 he’s looking to play Temple in Atlanta.

by WarCardinals on Jul 28, 2008 12:07 PM EDT reply actions

@ #7, yoyofutbawl:

“Bryant Denny Saban Stadium” – where did that come from? Was it in the SEC in 25 Years article? I couldn’t find it.

by Cardiac Kids on Jul 28, 2008 12:48 PM EDT reply actions

Show of hands…who really thinks someone named Steve Spurrier would be willing OR welcome to coach in Knoxville?

Anyone?

Yeah, me neither.

by This Guy on Jul 28, 2008 12:59 PM EDT reply actions

How bout Nick Saban, Paul Finebaum and a Fox Sports anchor in a 8ft boat where their knees are touching……Gay or Not Gay?

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jul 28, 2008 1:08 PM EDT reply actions

“Notethe key is openly gayeveryone knows there have been plenty of gay athletes. Just not many that were open about it.

Hell, in the ACC they are a dime a dozen in the non-major sports. And yes, I would know because I was one."

So were you in an non-major ACC sport, were you gay, or were you both. Sorry, unmodified pronoun, the GMAT would hand your ass.

by meatybob on Jul 28, 2008 1:56 PM EDT reply actions

Meatybob- another grammatically acceptable reading would be that he (sidekick) was a non-major ACC sport. That would be much more impressive, no?

“Hi guys, I’m SWIMMING. Yes, the whole goddammned sport.

by now_a_hoo on Jul 28, 2008 2:24 PM EDT reply actions

“Hell, in the ACC they are a dime a dozen in the non-major sports.”

Even in the major sports – I have it on good authority that Reggie Ball is VERY gay (NTTAWWT.)

No, that’s not even supposed to be the setup for a ‘Reggie Ball sucks’ joke… although it makes it even funnier.

by JLo on Jul 28, 2008 2:58 PM EDT reply actions

@#20 now_a_hoo:

Thank you…that was outrageously funny.

by Cardiac Kids on Jul 28, 2008 3:42 PM EDT reply actions

What about, “Our Heaux-Meaux will kill your Meaux-Jeaux” for the LSU sign?

by chaimy on Jul 28, 2008 3:55 PM EDT reply actions

@#20:

You have no idea how right your joke actually is. I had a friend on an ACC swim team, and she said that with few exceptions a majority of the men’s swim team was gay.

by trueparallels on Jul 28, 2008 3:59 PM EDT reply actions