TWO TALES OF NUTT

And I like to WIN.

Houston Nutt story number one. Please read all of these in a voice triangulated somewhere between Bill Clinton and George Bush's, and remember that for proper effect you should point and attempt to spellbind someone while doing it.

Tale One:

Houston Nutt is speaking to an assembled group of Ole Miss boosters. Someone mentions Enrique Davis, the late switcheroo commit from Auburn who opted for the Rebels late this year. Nutt answers thusly.

You know what I like about Enrickey?

(LONG DRAMATIC PAUSE. SPELLBINDING STARE. THUMB FIST POINT.)

He's FAST.

Tale Two:

Nutt is at his first major meeting with Ole Miss types. He's relating a story about his upbringing hanging out with deaf kids. (Nutt Sr. was a coach at the Arkansas School for the Deaf.) No one's really sure where this whole thing is going.

When I was a kid, I'd go out and play with the other kids, who were deaf. There was an African American on that field, a Hispanic on the field, a Native American on the field...it didn't matter what you were or who you were, just as long as you could sign and communicate.

(LONG DRAMATIC PAUSE. SPELLBINDING STARE. THUMB FIST POINT.)

...And I like to WIN! (APPLAUSE.)

The N in Nutt officially stands for "Non Sequitur."

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