CORRECTIONS, 7/25/2008

by Holly Anderson on Jul 25, 2008 11:35 AM EDT

Monday's Getting to Know U: Pac-10 profile of Cal quarterback Nate Longshore contained the following inaccurate paragraph: "Nate Longshore is a British Overseas Territory, 16 miles long, and 3 miles at her widest point. Boasting 33 white sand beaches with crystal clear waters, a contemporary international style, extraordinary vistas, world-class accommodations and mouth-watering cuisine, he is the culmination of your search for the idyllic tropical escape". The passage actually describes the island of Anguilla, and should have read, "Nate Longshore ranks fourth all-time at Cal in passing efficiency (133.1), sixth in passing touchdowns (62) and seventh in passing yardage (5,732). He has 18 victories as a starting quarterback, second in Cal history, and also owns the top bench press of all-time by a Cal quarterback at 370 pounds." We regret the error.

In Tuesday's Ryan Perrilloux Memorial Crime Blotter, we misidentified the victim of a threatening incident at a Utah intersection as Utes coach Kyle Whittingham. This was based on inaccurate sourcing, as Whittingham was at the Mountain West press day that day, and is strictly a French's yellow mustard man who describes Grey Poupon as "a bitch's condiment." We regret the error.

Also, last week's Ryan Perrilloux Memorial Crime Blotter reported that police in Boca Raton, Florida raided the summer home of Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis, recovering more than $8,000 worth of stolen women's undergarments. Photographic evidence has since emerged indicating the home in question belongs to Ohio State University coach Jim Tressel. We regret the error.

I regret nothing!!

Wednesday also featured a reference to Howard Schnellenberger's "invasion" of the Philippines.

This is clearly in accurate, as Schnellenberger was born in 1934, making him ten years old during Douglas MacArthur's invasion of the Philippines.

Schnellenberger did, however, serve in Vietnam, where he picked up his lifelong habit of gelling his hair back with pure napalm and waxing his mustache with gun grease. We regret the error.

Thursday's interview with ESPN pocket analyst Lou Holtz misquoted the former coach on the issue of the death penalty. Holtz's enthusiastic support of the use of the electric chair in death-row cases was apparently nothing more than an enthusiastic request for more lemon water from a passing waitress. We regret the error.

In Tuesday's piece on SEC athletes headed to the Olympics, we described the difficulties of running track in the Beijing air and made reference to the Hinnik Air Quality Scale. We misidentified the scale's levels, which are clarified below.

0-10: Clean
11-20: Nose-tickling
21-30: Spicy
31-40: Indistinguishable from pepper spray
41-50: Bees.
51-60: Michael Hutchence'd
61-70: Lungrape
71-80: Air actually on fire.
81-90: Encased in solid goo
91-100: China

We apologize to Dr. Jaro Hinnik, and regret the error.

Yesterday's Curious Index reported that the Tennessee defensive staff have implemented a "back to basics" strategy with its younger secondary players to prepare them for high-profile SEC matchups, administering a quiz to all underclassmen asking them to differentiate between their asses and a hole in the ground. The actual test question is pictured below, asking them to differentiate between a hole in the ground and former Alabama receiver/backfield bane D.J. Hall. We regret the error.

Tweet Comment 40 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

i love Utah so much

by dawgaddict on Jul 25, 2008 11:52 AM EDT reply actions

God only knows what’s under that sweatervest. Shudders. Applies mental bleach.

by DevilGrad on Jul 25, 2008 11:57 AM EDT reply actions

This one wasn’t funny! You’re just a dumb girl! What is this blog coming to!

Sorry, just wanted to get that out of the way before Coop could get here. You know I love you, baby.

by Doug on Jul 25, 2008 12:06 PM EDT reply actions

Nothing clever to say… the Air Quality scale is brillance. Bravo.

+100 Holly

by dudis41 on Jul 25, 2008 12:07 PM EDT reply actions

Notice how the writer of the Grey Poupon story kept pointing out that the handgun was black? Utahans (Utes?) are a buncha fuckin’ racists.

by The Song of Hiawatha Francisco on Jul 25, 2008 12:12 PM EDT reply actions

First rate Holly, first rate.

by Plastic Paddy on Jul 25, 2008 12:14 PM EDT reply actions

Consistently my favorite feature on any CF site. Keep it up, Mork.

by MalibuJuice on Jul 25, 2008 12:17 PM EDT reply actions

Doug FTW*, and thanks for reminding me I forgot to add the “destroying the internet’s finest college football blog” tag.

*of my heart

by Holly on Jul 25, 2008 12:32 PM EDT reply actions

re: underclassmen quiz

Hysterical.

by blon57 on Jul 25, 2008 12:35 PM EDT reply actions

…asking them to differentiate between their asses and a hole in the ground…

I remember asking that same question as I sat next to several players in class when I was in college. I seriously doubt they knew the difference.

I went to OU, in case anyone wants to know.

by blon57 on Jul 25, 2008 12:39 PM EDT reply actions

@ 5

I think they’re generally referred to as “Mormons”

by Berdingo on Jul 25, 2008 12:59 PM EDT reply actions

Holly – I think you wanted this photo:

by The Tusk on Jul 25, 2008 1:07 PM EDT reply actions

Dammit. Link here: http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/04nU1nj3JJ9zx/610×.jpg

by The Tusk on Jul 25, 2008 1:09 PM EDT reply actions

According to Google, in the whole of the intraweb EDSBS is the only site containing the word lungrape. Dictionary.com has no such entry but does suggest an encyclopedia article on gang rape as an alternative. Urban Dictionary totally dissed my query. I think its my new favorite word and will champion its usage. Congatulations are due for adding to the ever expanding thingamagig that is the English language. I hope the OED lists you first in the lungrape etymology.

by Ben on Jul 25, 2008 1:13 PM EDT reply actions

Actually, 10-year old Schnellenberger got a waiver (because he “wanted to taste some Jap blood”) and was in fact instrumental in the taking of the Philipines. They say seeing a boy with a fully formed mustache struck such fright in the Japanese that they threw down their weapons on the spot.

by Biggus Rickus on Jul 25, 2008 1:17 PM EDT reply actions

I think you had it right the first time with Nate Longshore.

Go Bears!

by Lawrence Ross on Jul 25, 2008 1:38 PM EDT reply actions

#15
Yes, that would be very “Children of the Corn”-ish…..
in fact, we should field an army like that, since every other 3rd world country is doing it, kinda takes you by suprise to turn the corner and find a 11 yrd old with an AK-47 pointed directly at the level of your package, and you cant tell if the gun is fake or not……choices, think fast.

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jul 25, 2008 1:43 PM EDT reply actions

If a guns levelled at my package the decision becomes a no-brainer.

by Biggus Rickus on Jul 25, 2008 1:47 PM EDT reply actions

I don’t know about anyone else, but under the three “hole in the ground” pictures on my screen is a rhythmically thumping, bikini-clad ass that I’m not sure was part of the quiz, yet is. It’s fanTASteek, yes.

I need 5pm.

by NativeSon on Jul 25, 2008 1:55 PM EDT reply actions

Good stuff, especially the Air Quality Scale…

Still laughing at “bees”…awesome…

by Pants McPants on Jul 25, 2008 1:57 PM EDT reply actions

- I guess that takes care of someone’s question earlier about the recent absence of Friday cheesecake.

by OhioDawg on Jul 25, 2008 1:58 PM EDT reply actions

Beads!

Bees?

Beads.

Bees?!!

by carlinthemarlin on Jul 25, 2008 2:04 PM EDT reply actions

http://youtube.com/watch?v=rwUDFRhV3CE

by Biggus Rickus on Jul 25, 2008 2:09 PM EDT reply actions

Howard Schnellenberger: Killing the guilty and wounding the innocent since 1934

by Harris on Jul 25, 2008 2:18 PM EDT reply actions

I dunno Holly. That Air Qulity Scale, its many joys nothwithstanding, is likely to cause a diplmoatic incident. At the very it is certain that EDBS will no longer be available in the People’s Republic.

by marcillac on Jul 25, 2008 2:42 PM EDT reply actions

#23
is it me or does that guy from Arrested Developement look like Colin Cowherd?
BTW,
Looks like Espn is now the 24/7 Farve Reality Channel…..

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jul 25, 2008 2:52 PM EDT reply actions

“we’re rednecks, we’re rednecks, We don’t know Our ass from a hole in the ground” – Randy Newman

by shanensga on Jul 25, 2008 2:54 PM EDT reply actions

MPP,

I dont’ actually know what Cowherd looks like. I kinda wish I didn’t know what he sounded like either.

How was Favre’s last BM?

by Biggus Rickus on Jul 25, 2008 3:03 PM EDT reply actions

#28
From what I can tell, with him reporting to the Packers, it looks like it went right into Aaron Rogers helmet…..

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jul 25, 2008 3:09 PM EDT reply actions

Bees. Hucking filarious.

Holly, I’m married so I can’t lust after you (in public, at least), so I just promise to name my next 4 kids after you.

Bees.

by Brian on Jul 25, 2008 3:09 PM EDT reply actions

Just what I need, Favre’s boyish heart of a champion fucking things up for Pennington and Ainge. HATE.

(Don’t tell me about either of their prospects as a pro QB, either. Love makes you stupid.)

by Holly on Jul 25, 2008 3:12 PM EDT reply actions

Favre has taken a very impressive career and now has ruined his reputation as a player with this stupidity. Everyone will remember this, not his overall career in the NFL. He comes across as too childish and narcissistic to care, which speaks volumes for who he may be as a person.

by blon57 on Jul 25, 2008 3:32 PM EDT reply actions

I am often intoxicated when I read these blogs, so I don’t remember if I read this on here or made it up. Perriloux after being tossed from an Alabama juke joint. “you don’t know Who You are messin’ with bitches! Iam the next six hundred dollar mother fucking Man!” Stafford kind of reminds Me of the Young Farve. He thinks he can complete any pass, even into triple coverage, and thrown from any posistion, and He loves to party. Come to think of it, that sounds like Farve now, except the party part.

by shanensga on Jul 25, 2008 3:40 PM EDT reply actions

shanensga,

You can also tell how much Stafford loves to play when he’s out there on the field. He’s like a kid.

by Biggus Rickus on Jul 25, 2008 3:47 PM EDT reply actions

No, that really did happen. [sheds tear for Ryan Perrilloux, who made it so easy to write jokes]

by Holly on Jul 25, 2008 4:08 PM EDT reply actions

we got no neck oilmen from texas,
good ol boys from ten-uh-see

college men from lsu
went in dumb
came out dumb too

husslin round atlanta in their allygator shoes
gettin drunk every weekend at the bob-e que

les miles needs to study the second stanza specully hard.

by yoyofutbawl on Jul 25, 2008 4:11 PM EDT reply actions

Weirdly enough, I’ll be cheering like crazy for Perrilloux when he goes up against Georgia Tech in a few weeks. Not only would a Jax State upset be immensely entertaining for myself and all of Bulldog Nation, it’d probably be just the emotional catalyst needed to start RP off on the kind of drunken Buckhead rampage that ends in either a low-speed police chase or somebody indiscriminately firing an AK-47 from the rotating restaurant on top of the Westin.

by Doug on Jul 25, 2008 4:27 PM EDT reply actions

@ Doug
I think they’re still working on fixing some busted windows at the Westin since the tornado came through…months ago.

But if Tech can fumble away some drives, it could be a fun game.

@ Holly
Wait, why would a Vol fan care about the ups and downs of Chad Sexington?

And @ Arthur Blank. You could’ve made the call, but you’re now saying Chris “I used to slang insurance” Redmond is better than Pennington? Kellan Clemmons even?

by Will (the other one) on Jul 25, 2008 5:08 PM EDT reply actions

Why even quote Blank? The first time He cried about being lied to I felt sorry for Him. The second time? Please! If You get hung out to dry by liars twice in one year, maybe it’s Your fault. #36, how about that, another Randy Newman fan! We have had Keith Moon and Steely Dan mentioned on this blog already this year, two of My favorites. How about this, best rock drummer, Moon, or Ginger Baker?

by shanensga on Jul 25, 2008 10:05 PM EDT reply actions

Tressell in ladies undergarments, eh? At least I can thank all that is holy that it wasn’t Mangino or Friedgen caught in that raid which would be the source of many nightmares for lifetimes to come.

by The MIghty Erik on Jul 26, 2008 12:33 AM EDT reply actions