Ripley: How do we kill it Ash? There’s gotta be a way of killing it, how, *how* do we do it?
Ash: You can’t.
Parker: That’s bullshit.
Ash: You still don’t understand what you’re dealing with, do you? Perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility.
Lambert: You admire it.
Ash: I admire its purity. A survivor… unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.
Parker: Look, I am - I’ve heard enough of this, and I’m asking you to pull the plug.
Ash: [Ripley goes to disconnect Ash, who interrupts] Last word.
Ripley: What?
Ash: I can’t lie to you about your chances, but… you have my sympathies.
[HT: MCab]
Monday’s Getting to Know U: Pac-10 profile of Cal quarterback Nate Longshore contained the following inaccurate paragraph: “Nate Longshore is a British Overseas Territory, 16 miles long, and 3 miles at her widest point. Boasting 33 white sand beaches with crystal clear waters, a contemporary international style, extraordinary vistas, world-class accommodations and mouth-watering cuisine, he is the culmination of your search for the idyllic tropical escape”. The passage actually describes the island of Anguilla, and should have read, “Nate Longshore ranks fourth all-time at Cal in passing efficiency (133.1), sixth in passing touchdowns (62) and seventh in passing yardage (5,732). He has 18 victories as a starting quarterback, second in Cal history, and also owns the top bench press of all-time by a Cal quarterback at 370 pounds.” We regret the error.
In Tuesday’s Ryan Perrilloux Memorial Crime Blotter, we misidentified the victim of a threatening incident at a Utah intersection as Utes coach Kyle Whittingham. This was based on inaccurate sourcing, as Whittingham was at the Mountain West press day that day, and is strictly a French’s yellow mustard man who describes Grey Poupon as “a bitch’s condiment.” We regret the error.
Also, last week’s Ryan Perrilloux Memorial Crime Blotter reported that police in Boca Raton, Florida raided the summer home of Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis, recovering more than $8,000 worth of stolen women’s undergarments. Photographic evidence has since emerged indicating the home in question belongs to Ohio State University coach Jim Tressel. We regret the error.
I regret nothing!!
Wednesday also featured a reference to Howard Schnellenberger’s “invasion” of the Philippines. (more…)
And I like to WIN.Houston Nutt story number one. Please read all of these in a voice triangulated somewhere between Bill Clinton and George Bush’s, and remember that for proper effect you should point and attempt to spellbind someone while doing it.
Tale One:
Houston Nutt is speaking to an assembled group of Ole Miss boosters. Someone mentions Enrique Davis, the late switcheroo commit from Auburn who opted for the Rebels late this year. Nutt answers thusly.
You know what I like about Enrickey?
(LONG DRAMATIC PAUSE. SPELLBINDING STARE. THUMB FIST POINT.)
He’s FAST.
Tale Two:
Nutt is at his first major meeting with Ole Miss types. He’s relating a story about his upbringing hanging out with deaf kids. (Nutt Sr. was a coach at the Arkansas School for the Deaf.) No one’s really sure where this whole thing is going.
When I was a kid, I’d go out and play with the other kids, who were deaf. There was an African American on that field, a Hispanic on the field, a Native American on the field…it didn’t matter what you were or who you were, just as long as you could sign and communicate.
(LONG DRAMATIC PAUSE. SPELLBINDING STARE. THUMB FIST POINT.)
…And I like to WIN! (APPLAUSE.)
The N in Nutt officially stands for “Non Sequitur.”
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