COUNTDOWN: 35
“The accusation that we’ve lost our soul resonates with a very modern concern about authenticity.”
July 24, 2008
“URBAN LOOKS FOR PAYBACK AGAINST UGA” (THREE MONTHS FROM NOW, BUT WE’RE ALL DEMONSTRABLY RUNNING OUT OF MATERIAL)
Dear readers, imagine the carnage in a world where the gentlemen of Fire Joe Morgan had a subscription to the AJC. Georgia’s See & Say of journalism helpfully provides a sidebar blurb reading, “What’s on this page ? The entry titled “Urban looks for payback against UGA,” and any of the comments about it”.
Furman Bisher says, “Baaa.”
Hand-holding for the columnist or the readership? Decide for yourselves. Today, Mark Bradley, paid sports journalist, in the space of about 200 words, resorts to the following:
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COACH RICHT CAN, BUT DID NOT CRANK DAT.
Mark Richt can but did not crank dat, sadly.
Nick Saban’s procession through Media Days did gain some momentum, though.
By Freek, of course…but close enough.
SEC MEDIA DAYS: SABAN ARRIVES SANS CHARIOT OF FLAMES
9:07 a.m. We’re at SEC Media days, covering the scene and occasionally relaying actual information. The Saban invasion proved to be a bit underwhelming: no mobs of crazed men with goatees and baseball caps tearing at his flesh for souvenirs, no women attempting to kidnap him…just a dude, though still a dude with two bodyguards at Media Day.
Rogers Redding, the SEC officiating capo, is talking right now. Fascinating, actually. His quote on the new 40 second clock? “We don’t know what impact it will have.” That’s what a sensible person would say, of course. Rogers Redding, you just failed in your application for a blogging license.
10:15 a.m. Jeff Owens of UGA is talking. He is the size of a grizzly bear walking on its hind legs, and has the same gait.
10:48 a.m. In the radio/internet room, FWIW, so we have no idea what commenter AUGrad means when he says “Fulmer just got served.” On plates with a light bearnaise and broccolini? Astounded at the polish of representative players: a decade ago you were guaranteed a few grunt and nodders in the group, but all of these guys are gifted, smooth PR cases, particularly Antoine Caldwell of Alabama.
11:08 a.m. Good Christ, it’s cold enough to slow time down in here. To the commenter who addressed us as “fatty” this morning in the Curious Index: you may be shocked to learn we’re down a few pounds from our peak weight of last season. How did we stay motivated, you ask? The tragic death of our twin brother Hrothgar from cardiac disease was more than enough, dear reader.
We still have the choice motorcycles, though.
11:28 a.m. Fulmer did get suuuuurrrrrrrrved! Though according to scuttlebutt here, he’s denying the servage.
CURIOUS INDEX, 7/24/08
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Mike Leach has an exciting weekend in early December. He gets to go to the airport! YAYYYYYYY AIRPORT! This third-grader’s dream comes to him courtesy of DFW Airport in Dallas, which Leach called “a mess” in public. So….if you criticize an airport in public, they’ll invite you there and give you free stuff, essentially? Denpasar Ngurah Rai International Airport in Bali, you’re totally and completely on notice! EDSBS dares you to show us how you’ve improved your disorganized and unsatisfactory ways, complete with round-trip airfare to Bali and accomodations. We’re available anytime between now and whenever.
Coach DickRod hates your children. Michigan football players will miss the “Heroes for Kids” golf benefit because of a mandatory workout, something the football program is “disappointed” about, but there’s hang cleans to be done, people. Cue minor wailing from the morality and order faction at Michigan, who will likely quietly moan on about how this is just another sign of the increasing heartless professionalization of their program, DickRod’s heartlessness, these kids on the internet, four dollar gas, how canned tuna just isn’t as good as it used to be, how this would never have happened if Kirk Ferentz had been hired… It’s true on Ferentz. The players would have made it. Then this would have ensued. Eugene Clifford, misunderstood archaeologist and Ohio State special teamer, has been given his release from his scholarship at THE university and will play football somewhere else. Clifford is noted for fighting at a “Sweet anonymity,” Tuberville says. Tommy Tuberville walked right through the crowd at registration yesterday for SEC Media Days like an anonymous accout rep as Tim Tebow was pawed by the adoring masses. Said masses included Tony Hawk, who gasped in awe as Tebow grabbed the souvenir board Hawk gave him, climbed the escalator in two bounds, and then executed a perfect railslide on the escalator in the lobby of the Wynfrey hotel. The crowd applauded a second time as every uncircumcised man’s foreskin in the lobby spontaneously and painlessly fell off in reaction to Tebow’s grinding acrobatics. We have a suspicion both teams made money off this. Just a hunch. We’re in agreement with Blutarsky, as we usually are, on the math behind the Clemson/Alabama football game: we suspect they made the numbers spin their way. Additional benefit: Clemson and Alabama fans can drink during the game, albeit with the threat of their preacher seeing them on the teevee! WOOOOO drunk and disorderly conduct. |
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