SCHNELLENBERGER INVADES PHILIPPINES, SUN BELT

by Orson on Jul 22, 2008 12:25 PM EDT

That's Howard Schnellenberger. He freed the Philippines and busted Chinese heads in Korea while you were just bad theory, son. He built a steam engine that ran on his own sweat, strapped it to some oil barrels, and made dolphins waterski behind him. He's seen more life in the past year than you'll see in eighty. We should also mention that he's 247 years old and just push jerked 350 pounds while having a casual phone conversation with his close personal friend Otto von Bismarck this morning? Yeah, Bismarck's dead and "that's impossible!" but it's limited thinking like that that keeps you a slave to your own mediocrity, sir.

The Dapper Don's FAU Owls are picked first in the Sun Belt for 2008. Second place will be occupied by no team, and will instead be claimed by a rotating pair of suspenders taken from Schnelly's closet. Third place will be left blank out of respect...and fear.

You know the "owls" refers to "burrowing owls," right? No? Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! Everyone knows a burrowing owl lives in a hole in the ground...

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felt bad for Troy last year 8-4 w/ a close loss to FAU in the championship game.

hung w/ florida and georgia better than most teams in their own conferences did.

no bowl. what the heck.

by threenout on Jul 22, 2008 12:43 PM EDT reply actions

Regardless of FAU’s win-loss record, Schnellenberger himself is going undefeated this year isn’t he?

by CincySooner on Jul 22, 2008 12:43 PM EDT reply actions

you’re **** right he is.

by threenout on Jul 22, 2008 12:47 PM EDT reply actions

Sorry to cross threads, but I think that you may have hit on Les Miles’ inner theme song that he hums to himself while throwing darts at a picture of Hayley LaFontaine:

I walk the thinnest line
I walk the thinnest line
I walk the thinnest line
Between the good and bad sides of my mind

And when I’m mad we beat Bama at home
and piss on Saban’s Pleasure Dome
When I’m good I say hey tOSU
The hat brings the pain to you

by DC Trojan on Jul 22, 2008 12:49 PM EDT reply actions

@Texas, @Michigan State, @Minnesota for 3 of their first 4 games. Pow! That upfront survival training was what made Troy nasty last season.

by Allahver Fist on Jul 22, 2008 12:50 PM EDT reply actions

Yeah, well, MTSU’s takin it all this year anyway. Schnellenberger has to walk into the towering inferno that is Murfreesboro, Tennessee this year.

by MightyMightyMitzu on Jul 22, 2008 1:08 PM EDT reply actions

Enjoy it while it lasts, because next year Big Red will dine on the souls of the other SunBelt teams.

by jakldawg on Jul 22, 2008 1:21 PM EDT reply actions

I’m sure FAU games this year will be more fun than taking retards to the zoo

by Grimey on Jul 22, 2008 1:24 PM EDT reply actions

They aren’t owls. They are moles.
M-O-L-E-S. Moles.

by GamecockTony on Jul 22, 2008 1:32 PM EDT reply actions

Meh. Call me when the old blowhard figures out how to beat Oklahoma State.

by Soonertruth on Jul 22, 2008 1:33 PM EDT reply actions

Is Howard a “Daper Dan Man?” Or will he tolerate Fop?

by skinnyphatman on Jul 22, 2008 1:40 PM EDT reply actions

Hey I’ve got a Bitchin’ Camaro

by psuphiman80 on Jul 22, 2008 1:59 PM EDT reply actions

re: @Texas

We don’t take any game for granted any more. Just check out last year’s game with Central Florida.

by blon57 on Jul 22, 2008 2:06 PM EDT reply actions

Sun Belt championship game? We know that we’ve overdone it when the Sun Belt feels that they can have a championship game. At least the Big East knows its place…

by chilltown on Jul 22, 2008 2:15 PM EDT reply actions

Speaking at this years annual presser for the team, Schnellenberger had this to say to the large crowd gathered, “Stay thirsty, my friends”.

by shovel pass on Jul 22, 2008 2:30 PM EDT reply actions

It was a ‘championship’ game because they were the one and two teams in the conference and it was each one’s last conference game. Much like MT and Troy in 06.

by MightyMightyMitzu on Jul 22, 2008 3:24 PM EDT reply actions

Just when I’m convinced that EDSBS has reached its maximum awesome level, you go and link to a Dead Milkmen song.

Well played, sir.

by Fine Bottled Water on Jul 22, 2008 3:31 PM EDT reply actions

I feel like that video was talking to me….

by TideDruid on Jul 22, 2008 4:12 PM EDT reply actions

I think Orson’s been smokin’ banana peels again.

by twogreattastes on Jul 22, 2008 5:46 PM EDT reply actions

I swear, Dennis Leary must have been the lead singer for the Dead Milkmen……
speakin of dead milkmen, I heard a walk-on Auburn football player died while he was drinking milk…..
the cow fell on him…..(two snare drum taps,cymbal crash)

by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jul 22, 2008 6:19 PM EDT reply actions