FULMER CUP: VANDY, BOWL-BOUND AT LAST
by Orson on Jul 18, 2008 1:07 PM EDT
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Two tix to paradise, homey. Drop a whiny hipster bitch like ourselves stuck in the middle of Ybor City in Tampa at night, and there's two responses: attempt to cover the sorrow on your face at the horde of fashion victims and future Applebee's ejectees ("I'll fucking fight you all! No one said there was any limit on 2-for1 daquiris!") attempting to reproduce, or down the first eight alcoholic beverages you can find, dive into the worst club playing the worst music, and jump up and down to "Crazy Bitch" all night. Get it? They're talking about you, baby! I'll show you where the tribal armband tattoo connects to back at the condo! More jager over here, boss! YO BRAH I'M TALKING TO YOU!
If you're Vandy running back Jermaine Doster, and you happen find yourself in the petty bourgeoisie rut-gutter that is Ybor, you take option three, one we should look into next time: fighting strangers for no clear reason at all.
According to arrest reports, Doster, 20, was charged with disorderly conduct, criminal mischief and obstructing an officer without violence. Doster was escorted out of The Honey-Pot Bar by Tampa police and was asked to return to his vehicle and leave but failed to cooperate, in the process "causing such a commotion he caused a large crowd to gather."
Initial score: 7. A proper public fit coupled with a superb name for the club, since the Honey Pot refers to a vagina! Get it! It's a big pussy, but phrased in a cute manner! ROCK BRAH! Anywhere advertising itself as a "Vegas-type nightclub" ties its own noose, since hell is filled with Vegas nightclubs and New York gambling, and not the other way around. (Vegas is for two things: lolling in the death of Western civilization, and gambling. Other activities not recommended per Oswald Spengler and Orson Swindle.)
Doster bumps up his fit to an 8 on the scale of nightclub foolery, though, by pulling a classic move here:
As a result, he was taken into custody and placed in the back of a squad car, at which time he kicked out one of the rear windows, the report said.
Bobby Brown approves, though the urinating onto the backseat would have bumped this up to a potential 9 on the Brown scale. As it stands, the only real bonus Doster gets is three points in the Fulmer Cup, and a guaranteed bowl berth for Vandy. Write it down.
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Well I guess that answers that question.
/Duke and Northwestern fans
by Out of Conference on Jul 18, 2008 1:14 PM EDT reply actions
just checked out the honey-pot myspace page, our future as a species looks bleak
we need to start spaying and neutering each other before shit gets too out of control
by Travis on Jul 18, 2008 1:20 PM EDT reply actions
I am fairly confident that a mere utterance of the words “Ybor City” causes several types of venereal disease. Is that Crazy Town I hear playing?
by Raleigh Urbain on Jul 18, 2008 1:22 PM EDT reply actions
Hey, now! Don’t sell yourselves short, #1… Northwestern knew plenty about Vegas-style gambling during the Gary Barnett era…
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9C00E4D8103BF937A35751C1A96E958260
(I couldn’t find it on YouTube, but I remember video of Lundy’s fumble at the time, and it was only the most obvious intentional turnover ever. People barely noticed in the stadium that day because the Wildcats were so lousy at the time…)
by Papa Lou BSU on Jul 18, 2008 1:22 PM EDT reply actions
I’ve never spent an evening in Ybor, but I’ve always heard it’s a fine place to get punched in the face.
by Allahver Fist on Jul 18, 2008 1:24 PM EDT reply actions
Isn’t this the brother of the Vandy RB that got murdered in Ybor a few years ago?
by Lane Fenner on Jul 18, 2008 1:24 PM EDT reply actions
FnDC! West End represent!
(look, when your football program is as neck-deep in the silage as we are, you’ll take points in any form they come.)
by VandyJ on Jul 18, 2008 1:29 PM EDT reply actions
Yeah I love jaeger bombs. Fuckin’ shower in that shit.
by wooderson on Jul 18, 2008 1:31 PM EDT reply actions
@wooderson
HGH!!!! MUSCLE MILK!!!!! STEROIDS!!!!!
by fife in the bay on Jul 18, 2008 1:57 PM EDT reply actions
The Honey-Pot? Was Tigger the bouncer?
And you’d think someone who goes to school in the West End would know how to keep it together in a club.
by jakldawg on Jul 18, 2008 1:57 PM EDT reply actions
Lane Fenner @ #5:
Yes, his brother was murdered not too far from that very place.
Forget Oswald Spengler, this reeks of George Santayana.
by Brandon Lang on Jul 18, 2008 2:03 PM EDT reply actions
@ fife:
I’M IN CONTROL, I’M IN CONTROL, I got my prot…MAAAAAAAAAAAAA, PROTEIN…FUCK!!!!!!!!!
by wooderson on Jul 18, 2008 2:08 PM EDT reply actions
Next guy that looks at me the wrong way, I’m startin a fight
by Hayley Lafontaine is a Dumpster Muffin on Jul 18, 2008 2:13 PM EDT reply actions
No clear reason? All reasons are crystal clear when intoxicated. It’s only when sobering up in the pokey that things get all fuzzy and whatnot.
by NativeSon on Jul 18, 2008 2:19 PM EDT reply actions
Ybor Tribal Armband Guy (a.k.a. Sink Guy), also likes to stand around and smoke his Lucky Strikes/Marlboro Lights in an oh-so-cool-look-at-me way while he swigs on his Bud Light/Miller Chill/Corona while he waits for another shot of Jager, brah.
by Brian O'Blivion on Jul 18, 2008 2:22 PM EDT reply actions
Not now chief.
I’m in the fuckin’ zone
Ok, we may as well link to the video at this point.
A HREF=“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M”>My New Haircut
Also, a bit of enjoyable guido infighting in the NJ/SI community. The linked article and the ones that spawned it are priceless.
by wooderson on Jul 18, 2008 2:34 PM EDT reply actions
My HTML skillz are FAIL.
Here’s the video
A HREF=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M>My New Haircut
by wooderson on Jul 18, 2008 2:34 PM EDT reply actions
I refuse to believe that Orson, the founder of my favorite blog, is a whiny hipster bitch.
I prefer the description “Oversexed Lumberjack”
Too much?
by Ryno on Jul 18, 2008 2:42 PM EDT reply actions
Ryno:
How about, “Biplane enthusiast?” Is that a good compromise?
by Orson Swindle on Jul 18, 2008 2:51 PM EDT reply actions
Can we get 3 bonus points if anyone involved wore an ascot or had a girlfriend named ‘Buffy’?
by GamecockTony on Jul 18, 2008 3:47 PM EDT reply actions
Yeah, but you’re totally thinking about how ill-fitting your pants are in that pic.
by Allahver Fist on Jul 18, 2008 3:52 PM EDT reply actions
Where was your suitcase with the midget?
by Out of Conference on Jul 18, 2008 5:11 PM EDT reply actions
@26
Air to air combat in the Sopwith Camel made it more personal since you would be sending large bullets at the head of the opposing pilots. You really had to be good or be dead.
by Mr. Pelican Pants on Jul 19, 2008 10:34 AM EDT reply actions
Vanderbilt whaaaat. We hustlers. money over bitch$.
by 2L over the line, sweet jesus on Jul 20, 2008 3:03 PM EDT reply actions
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