EDSBS » Archive » THE RULES: NOT ACCEPTING MARRIAGE PROPOSALS

July 17, 2008

THE RULES: NOT ACCEPTING MARRIAGE PROPOSALS

Yes, this is written by a woman, and no, you should not email her, you creepy internet stalker you.

Filed under: College football by Orson Swindle

[ 40 Replies ]

40 Responses to “THE RULES: NOT ACCEPTING MARRIAGE PROPOSALS”

1

Harris says:

I want to make sweet, sweet love to her on a bed of jerseys and official programs.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
2

Ryno says:

She sure is setting alot of guidlines for someone who’s a 5…closer to a 7 when drunk.
Seriously – Coach Amato would only scoush that after a tough lost or on a Thursday afternoon.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
3

meatybob says:

Above is the greatest blog comment I will ever read in my life. Nice.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:28 pm
4

meatybob says:

#1 that is.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
5

Orson Swindle says:

Ryno, your internet chivalry has earned you…

Please return to your stable of supermodels at your leisure, stud.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
6

Signal to Noise says:

Regarding rule #3: reverse cowgirl exists for a reason. Both parties can watch if you angle the recliner properly.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
7

The Conscience of a Nation says:

Seriously? She’s lovely, funny and likes football. I’d hang out with her.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
8

Biggus Rickus says:

So not even a sympathy fuck should, for example, I have to suffer through a 21-point loss to a previously hapless Tennessee team? These rules seem overly harsh.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
9

Craig says:

Too bad this post was from a different site a few days ago. Know I can see why she went to NC State you plagiarizer you.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:41 pm
10

Harris says:

Orson, I’m not sure if it’s the big thumbs-up or your look of malevolent glee, but I’m fairly certain I’ve ruptured a major organ laughing at that.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
11

blon57 says:

I absolutely agree with #7.

There is a lot more to beauty than just the visual.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
12

OhioDawg says:

#9 well said. Orson…waaaaay too much time on your hands (thank goodness).

My girlfriend would readily agree with these rules. She’s the one who insisted we go to Georgia/Alabama in Athens in September.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:51 pm
13

BamaTaxMan says:

The way that I see it, there’s only one real problem here (for most of you) – she’s spoken for already.

Now a related comment. Twenty-odd years ago, when I was fresh out of Alabama, women like this just did not exist. Now, they seem to be everywhere (TCOAN, Holly, Lisa).

When did this start occurring? (And why couldn’t it have started about 1986ish?)

July 17th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
14

White Speed Recieiver says:

I can’t e-mail her a proposal? I guess I’ll have to go back to patiently waiting for TCOAN to kick Orson to the curb.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
15

Out of Conference says:

So, does this chick’s no-sex rules apply when the Wolfpack get bent in Columbia in the first game of the season?

July 17th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
16

blon57 says:

#12

You just don’t live in the right state. Texas is full of these women and has been for years. You can’t live here without a basic understanding of football.

July 17th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
17

meatybob says:

#6

Your comment naturally leads to another question, “While R.C.ing between September and early January, which plays most often cause the big O?” Personally, for many years is was the fullback trap.

However, ever since I’ve turned thirty something…..the forward pass.

July 17th, 2008 at 1:05 pm
18

Dumpster Baby says:

#13, my wife (in 15 days) is 28 and isn’t quite as hardcore as this chick, but she does consider away games “going on vacation” and does not leave the room during an Auburn game.

On the other hand, a good friend’s (he and his wife are both huge bama fans) wife was trying to decorate for christmas and asking his opinion on crap during the Iron Bowl… I will never go to his house again for a football game. Maybe it’s just Tuscaloosa women?

July 17th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
19

GamecockTony says:

@OoC,

Not sure — but she’s about 10 minutes from me in some direction, probably.
Want me to stalk, er, find her for you and ask?

And substitute “on” for “with” in tCOAN’s comment, please.

July 17th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
20

oc phil says:

Craig seems to be the only one who noticed that the woman in the picture isn’t the one who wrote the rules. They were clearly written by a female Domer and this woman just plugged in NC State.

July 17th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
21

ATL AU Tiger says:

This excerpt from the Differences Between Southern football and Northern Football has always described my girlfriends and me to perfection:

Commentary (Male):
NORTH: “Nice play.”
SOUTH: “Run , you dumb som’bitch – tackle him and break his legs!”

Commentary (Female):
NORTH: “My, this certainly is a violent sport.”
SOUTH: “Run, you dumb som’bitch – tackle him and break his legs!”

July 17th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
22

BamaTaxMan says:

After reading the additional comments, maybe it was Tuscaloosa in the mid-80s…..

Oh, to be 10-15 years younger (but in full possession of all of my current knowledge)……..

July 17th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
23

Allahver Fist says:

#21, ATL AU Tiger

My favorite is “In the South, everybody knows that 2 + 2 = 3rd and 6″.

July 17th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
24

Ryno says:

What – we can rip on Mangino, Lloyd Carr, Charlie Weis and Ralph Fridgen but rating a female who posts a silly chain e-mail on her “southern” blog gets loads of shit and snarky photoshops?

I call B.S. fine sir. And I’ll copy and paste the logo and return it next time Jenn Sterger is called “orange” or you claim you “wouldn’t touch her.”

July 17th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
25

Raider Red says:

Hear hear! I told my SMU diehard wife we should probably go visit my brother in Beaumont sometime next month. Her response: “SMU plays at Rice on August 29th, sounds perfect!”

July 17th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
26

Ninja Football says:

Orson, I think you have just won the interweb. Everyone else should just stop trying and go outside.

July 17th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
27

Biggus Rickus says:

Have you been outside? It’s fucking scary out there.

July 17th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
28

The Song of Hiawatha Francisco says:

@20:

Ah. That also explains why someone living in North Carolina would be watching GameDay at 7 a.m. PST.

July 17th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
29

UgasTexan says:

Yikes. Beaumont? The place that time forgot!

July 17th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
30

Ninja Football says:

@27:

Dude, I didn’t mean that literally. That’d be crazy talk.

July 17th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
31

Orson Swindle says:

I call B.S. fine sir. And I�ll copy and paste the logo and return it next time Jenn Sterger is called �orange� or you claim you �wouldn�t touch her.�

We try not to mention…that…around here. But for the record: no. Not for money, and not even for large amounts of money.

July 17th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
32

Out of Conference says:

But for boobs you would, right?

July 17th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
33

BamaTaxMan says:

Orson, allow me to speak for both of us – I wouldn’t do J*** S******* with a stolen penis.

July 17th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
34

PeterPumpkinhead says:

I call dibs on her sister… assuming she has one.

July 17th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
35

Cletus McNirtny says:

Anyone else notice that Foxsports.com censored the words “erect” and “monkey”. I imagine EDSBS would show up as one long string of ##### in Fox land.

Seriously…monkey?

July 17th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
36

Biggus Rickus says:

Ninja,

You had me scared there for a minute. [cracks blinds slightly, looks outside, sees several unsavory tan people, falls to ground curled in a ball]

July 17th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
37

The Song of Hiawatha Francisco says:

The confusion in this thread (not over who would or wouldn’t fuck Jenn Sterger if given the opportunity, but about the author of the linked rules) brings up an issue of blogging etiquette. The currency of the intertubes is hits. The proprietress of the site to which Orson linked cut and pasted the entirety of someone else’s work to her blog. I don’t know what that is, but it’s not fair use, even with proper attribution. More importantly, she robbed the original author of hits. No one needs to hit the link to the original piece since it’s all right there. Basically, it’s shit-linking.

Now, this puts every blogger who sees the rules on the Growing Up Southern site in a bad spot. Do they link to the original piece with a tip to Growing Up Southern? If they go that route, very few people will hit Growing Up Southern, so it’s basically a shit-link. Do they link to Growing Up Southern instead, thus denying the original author the traffic, like Orson did here? I don’t know.

(By the way, please don’t take any of this as a criticism of our fine hosts. Having authored a now-failed blog for a time, I know doing this shit is really, really hard. Doing it as well as EDSBS has for as long as it has is nothing short of remarkable. I just thought the question of etiquette was interesting. I’m probably the only one.)

July 17th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
38

Out of Conference says:

When I was a kid, my dog ate a whole damn loaf of Sunbeam bread, plastic and all. Later when he shit, he shit little turds that were linked together by the now shit-stained and twisted plastic bag. Is that what you’re talking about?

July 18th, 2008 at 9:18 am
39

TVP says:

How did everyone miss this self-pwning?

“Too bad this post was from a different site a few days ago. Know I can see why she went to NC State you plagiarizer you.”

Comment by Craig � July 17, 2008 @ 12:41 pm

Brilliant. I’d say that Craig is a UNC fan, but that would assume that some of them are actually aware of college football. I’d say that Craig is an ECU fan, but that would assume that some of them actually have internet access (are prisoners ever allowed to go online?). So I’m at a loss.

July 18th, 2008 at 10:16 am
40

The Song of Hiawatha Francisco says:

@ OoC: Reminds me of the joke about the guy who hates picking up after his dog, so he feeds it condoms hoping it will shit in plastic bags.

July 18th, 2008 at 1:03 pm