It's all gravy for Mangino now. No, wait, that didn't come out right. Mark Mangino gets a fat raise...dammit. Let's try again. Mark Mangino's salary ballooned to...shitfire. Okay, third try: Mark Mangino received a generous raise in his new contract, bringing him to a substantial...it's all entendre'd, isn't it? Fuck it. Mark Mangino gets extra helping of gravy and some dessert on the side as his salary tallies a weighty 2.3 million dollars a year. He's fat. It's hard not to write about.
Jerrell Powe: cleared. After seventeen years of attempts and appeals, Jerrell Powe's long road to divison one footbawl is over: he's been cleared to play. Powe, the star of multiple Ole Miss recruiting classes, received clearance from the SEC to play, meaning the door is now open for Urban Meyer to see if Mike Slive will approve a particularly intelligent bear who's just an amazing prospect for Florida's defensive line.
Jacques McClendon of Tennessee is 3.3 Orsons Strong. Jebus, that's nasty: Jacques McClendon broke the Vols record for the bench press by putting up 645 pounds, a weight Joel translates into any number of helpful measures for you, including 1.43333333 Manginos. Considering the fact we can bench press our body weight and not much else, that's around 3.3 Orsons of strength. (Denser than we look: we blame the relatively large ass for that and the difficulty of finding properly fitting pants not named Dockers.)
In case he feels jealous in all this attention paid to another football player, we remind you that UGA linebacker Rennie "the Liberian Dream" Curran was bull-strong back in high school. The adjectives to describe his level of brute strength are being synthesized in a government chemical lab as we speak.
The last time we saw someone look as uncomfortable in a watercraft as Paul Finebaum does in this interview segment with Nick Saban, Oompa Loompas were powering the boat. There's no knowing where we're rowing...