A FAREWELL TO AMOROUS BIG CATS
Orgeron. Perrilloux. SLOCUM? One by one, our best material has gone gently into that good night of jucos and position coaching, and today we hear rumblings that an EDSBS Most Favored Son is an academic casualty and a Wolverine no more.
In his own words, we give you Marques Slocum, remixed in sonnet-ish form. Read, remember, and mourn.
got a fuck lion now come fuck wit me
i hope my wife know ima be man! fuck dat spider
I like 2 licky licky licky licky
My mom CARLA i think she da realest bitch alive
im fuckin wit a rock or a pit just so it can cha cat
yea, beerfest bitch! im ready 4 da boot!
come on now! what type of question is dat?
why da fuck am i doin dis interview
shit i at least get a bird bath but yea i shower everyday
opera- no, musical- no, play- no, performance- fuuuuuuuuuuuck no
come on now i wanna fly i hate walkin dat shit overrated
u just fucked up da mood, i guess i aint sayin no more jokes
i dont give a fuck i just want 2 get on
sprint/nextel bitch! dey got da best phones
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1
Dr. StrangeCock says:
Interesting retrospective of Slocum’s academic career. I did not realize he went to Milford. And I thought you could always tell a Milford Man…
July 17th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
2
Out of Conference says:
Jacksonville State is going to be stacked this year!
July 17th, 2008 at 4:10 pm
3
chilltown says:
That last stanza brought to mind Lazy Sunday for some reason.
“Google Maps is the best!”
“True that.” “Double true!”
July 17th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
4
ALGator says:
Swindle?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_9mHQAibpI
July 17th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
5
DC Trojan says:
Slocum is undone, alas.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
6
DevilGrad says:
If this is the Michigan farewell for the Fuck Lion, we can only hope that he makes it out of Ann Arbor with both of his motherfuckin’ body parts.
But, cheer up, Orson. Houston Nutt and his sack of rabid weasels are still in business.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
7
Digital Headbutt says:
Who’s the next victim? Will a pork rind-related heart attack befall Houston Nutt? Will Les Miles choke on Taffy? Will Joe Paterno finally realize he’s Joe Paterno? What kind of a college football world is this? WHY AM I ASKING YOU???
July 17th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
8
Tailgate Shogun says:
Marques Slocum fail English?
That’s UNPOSSIBLE!
Shocking turn of events here.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
9
Holly says:
Slocum is undone, alas.
FTW. Dammit, that should’ve been the title.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
10
PW says:
4
Do all bespectacled people look alike to you?
July 17th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
11
spartanmike says:
The “sprint/nextel bitch!” has really stayed with me since the original posting.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
12
DevilGrad says:
Damn. I really need to read the bylines more carefully. My apologies, Holly.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
13
Ben says:
Grand Marques should probably go get his business degree from notre dame (while maintaining a 3.0 gpa, I’ll have you know).
ND GRADUATES ALL ITS PLAYERS EVERYSINGLEYEAR AAAHHHH!
July 17th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
14
PeterPumpkinhead says:
Somehow I missed that the first time around, but… he doesn’t really want to “licky, licky” his mom, does he???
July 17th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
15
Holly says:
@DevilGrad—Naw, I’m taking that as a compliment.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
16
jakldawg says:
From the post:”walk the tightrope between Duke football and Mississippi State academics.”
Like we are the school suing to let players that can’t read in.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
17
Holly says:
Yeah, I thought that was weird. Since when can MS State play football?
July 17th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
18
meatybob says:
#16
Yeah, I saw that too. They are quite arrogant regarding their collective intelligence for a state in the midst of an 18 month economic recession.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:58 pm
19
Harris says:
Good night, golden poet. You were too beautiful to last.
July 17th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
20
Bunie Perkins says:
Powe gets it, Slocum goes out…such is the circle of life.
July 17th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
21
hunglikehussain says:
@16
Nah, you’re just the one’s that like to dangle their prepositions in public.
I Keed! I Keed!
July 17th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
22
DevilGrad says:
After you dangle your prepositions in public, should you give them a birdbath?
July 17th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
23
Seven Years in Gainesville says:
I much preferred the tag line “A Farewell to Fuck Lions”, not this euphemism-laden goodness we have now.
July 17th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
24
Holly says:
It makes some RSS readers cranky, apparently.
July 17th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
25
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
What is this Fuck Lion you speak of?
Is that like Sex Panther? The Wal-Mart bootleg version?
Brotha Marquis, Marquis yo brotha……man I miss
Two Live Crew……
July 17th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
26
hunglikehussain says:
Deserving of a re-post.
http://img172.imageshack.us/img172/8568/mothersdaycardfh3.jpg
July 17th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
27
jakldawg says:
Whoops! I suppose that’s karmic retribution for all the time I’ve laid the grammar hammer on people.
July 17th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
28
BurritoBrosShits says:
This shit is beyond funny now and reaches into the realm of just being sad. How the fuck does this country produce intellectual wealth like this?
July 17th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
29
Bill says:
Orgeron, Perriloux, and Slocum…The “Abraham, Martin, and John” of our era
July 17th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
30
hunglikehussain says:
@27
jakldawg, I am not a grammar nazi. I just had to read your post a few times for comprehension.
Then I made a funny.
July 17th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
31
Pirate Petey says:
aye mateys – tis a sad thing to see the merry clown leave the stage
but me experiences says there’s plenty more where that came from… just start laying microphones in the bushes near the dorms of Florida or Kansas State… next thing yanno, wonderful witicisms are recorded and translated for our amusement
now where’s my midget in a suitcase?
July 17th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
32
socalbryan says:
where can i see this guy’s original statement? it’s just that this is too difficult to believe; i didn’t know anyone could be that stupid.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:50 am
33
socalbryan says:
Does Slocum smoke real cigarettes? I think he may have been with this kid.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLeVlBca5lg
July 18th, 2008 at 12:58 am
34
GamecockTony says:
“I like 2 licky licky licky licky.”
Can you all make sure that’s on my headstone?
Thanks.
July 18th, 2008 at 7:56 am
35
CincySooner says:
Farewell Marques,
May your future be full of milk and cookies,… and be free of performance art.
July 18th, 2008 at 8:19 am
36
Doug says:
And it seems to me you lived your life like a Wolverine in the wind
Never knowing who to licky licky when the spiders came in
I would’ve liked to have known you, but I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your fuck lion ever did.
July 18th, 2008 at 9:34 am
37
decemberist says:
shoot, change that major from ‘pre-business’ to ‘advanced urban floetry’. Problem solved, fuck lion & CARLA can keep it REaLZZ.
July 18th, 2008 at 9:51 am
38
hunglikehussain says:
@28
You answer with “the Power of TROOF”.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwsWskgKe5E
July 18th, 2008 at 10:10 am
39
Ninja Football says:
SocalBrian, you can find the original by clicking the link “in his own words”. I thought that’d be pretty elementary, it’s just that this is too difficult to believe it’s not; i didn’t know anyone could be that stupid.
July 18th, 2008 at 11:40 am
40
OhioDawg says:
Doug @ 36 – Cocktails!
July 18th, 2008 at 1:16 pm