Would you like your death to benefit society? Or, failing that, how’s this: would you like your death to benefit your football program? Thank T. Boone Pickens for making this a real possibility with his special “Death Benefits” program, where your life insurance policies may be paid out to your university’s athletic program. Presumably, he has Mike Gundy and assistant coaches out there dropping safes on wealthy Oklahoma State alums from great heights to “accelerate the organic growth of our fine program.”

T. Boone’s also at the forefront of cutting-edge energy policy, a convenience for him that he can afford since he amassed the bricks for his solid platinum manor with lucre from the dirty, evil, no good very bad oil industry. (The Oil Industry: serving as your generic straw man villain since 1883.)

Now, to further this site’s commitment to fine, balanced journalism, we provide a unique opportunity for readers to engage in an important national debate. On one side, new economy booster and wannabe Greenzo T. Boone Pickens, who will present a summary of his plan to forge a new economy for the 21st century; and for the con side, his employee and current Oklahoma State football coach, Mike Gundy.

Mike Gundy thinks coal is just fine, thank you, and eats whole chunks of it for breakfast. He burns it in his children’s rooms to make them strong. You would understand that, if you had children. But you don’t, and that’s obvious.

Mileage reading until joke fatigue sets in on Mike Gundy rant jokes: infinite. It’s the Prius of football humor memes!