TICKETS GOING CHEAP!
Apologies for the slow pace of posting, but we’re in Charlotte with the staff of SN figuring out the mindmeld for the season, and what particular torture they’re going to put me through in the name of pseudojournalismwritingstuff.
Best concept thus far: going to the Duke/Vandy game in October with a full suit, top hat, ascot, monocle and mustache and calling it “The Billionaires Bowl.” Highlights would include screaming for my manservant, tossing out fake money out of a huge sack, and sitting in the emptiest spot of bleachers with a banner reading “BULLY FOR FOOTBALL!”
Bloated plutocrats for football!
Oh, and Florida State is sellling tickets to Tallahassee Community College students now. No amount of typed evil laughing can sum up our happiness at this.
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1
hobeg8r says:
Santa Fe students will be up in arms over this one. Before you know it, they will want to be included in the UF lottery.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
2
Rich says:
thank you, thank you, thank you, that made my day. was having a pretty $hitty day up until that, but I think it’s starting to turn around.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
3
Allahver Fist says:
Duke/Vandy should be played behind closed doors.
A FSU ticket and $5 will get you a combo at Chubby’s Chicken oven in Chernolebyl.
July 14th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
4
yoyofutbawl says:
Orson-
Come to The Palm around 6 or so. 100+ cocktails on me (figuratively).
July 14th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
5
Derrick in SD says:
Why fake money? Try real dollar bills.
My buddy and I routinely drop singles over the rail at Chargers games, just to watch the melee as people in the lower deck scramble for some cash. One time, he was drunk and dropped a $100 bill. Hilarity ensued
July 14th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
6
DevilGrad says:
. . . going to the Duke/Vandy game in October with a full suit, top hat, ascot, monocle and mustache . . . .
Sir —
This may already be an annual tradition rotating between Cambridge and New Haven.
http://www.observer.com/files/Yale_Pipe2.jpg
I suggest that, instead, you take Holly, LSUFreek, and RaginCajunRebel to the Game in Cambridge this fall — and treat it like an SEC road trip.
Best, etc.
DG
July 14th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
7
NOLAcane says:
#5, thats an incredible idea. Start tailgating on a Thursday, yell obsceneities and throw trash at Yale women, ziplock bag whiskey into the stadium…basically a weekend of being obnoxiously drunk in all the wrong places. THAT is an article I would like to read.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
8
spartanmike says:
DevilGrad,
That is an outstanding idea. Please remember the camera.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
9
WorstFan says:
Isn’t the real traveshamockery that the tickets’ regular price is $312?
July 14th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
10
Irish09 says:
That’s “Bully for Foot-Ball” with a hyphen, you rapscallion.
Seriously, awesome idea.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
11
White Speed Recieiver says:
Can anyone else imagine the carnage of some EDSBS regulars getting together for a game? The odds are pretty good Neil Young would end up writing a song about the aftermath.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
12
Big Jon says:
DevilGrad, I’ve actually done that in Durham.
We arrived on campus around 8:30 am to a ghost town, still drunk from the night before. When the parking lot attendant got there about 45 minutes later, he said something to the effect of “man, y’all are early!” We pointed out that he and his cohorts were actually late and went back to tending to our grill and bourbon.
There were probably more people out jogging than there were tailgating for the home team. We saw one co-ed in a black dress and made sure to yell “walk of shame!” at the top of our lungs but one member of our group pointed out that she may, in fact, be on her way to the library on a Saturday morning.
The actual game was so boring that we left at the end of the first quarter.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
13
threenout says:
In most years the Baylor/Wake Forrest battle of the baptist would be the same as Duke/Vandy.
then wake went and got all relevant and crap and ruined a good boring game
July 14th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
14
Bagger Douche says:
Isn’t tailgating a Vandy home game, SEC style, crazy enough?
July 14th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
15
UgasTexan says:
#5: That’s the idea. Orson: get on it. Actually, I think I might do this on my own with a few friends anyway.
Reminds me of a story. I went to a UVA game once and the Hoos with whom I was hanging out tried to really show us how it goes in C-ville. To their credit, we were there early. The freaking AD, none other than Terry Holland, came jogging by as we were downing beers and said something to the effect of “Glad to see ya’ll here!” If only I’d thought to get a photo as I was wearing a “Oahu Bowl Champions” ball cap from the previous year’s (terribly embarrassing, but 2 SEC titles and handful of top ten end of the year rankings later) bowl win over UVA.
Lastly, Ah! ACC Excitement!!!
July 14th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
16
DevilGrad says:
Re #11: When you arrive that early, don’t they allow you to park in the end zone next to the ambulance?
There is no amount of fun you could make of Duke football that I haven’t already tried — though, unlike most, I attended every home game while I was in grad school. (My time in Durham fortunately overlapped with the HBC’s.)
July 14th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
17
bk says:
Yes, the Duke/Vandy game needs more “shorted denim.”
July 14th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
18
adolf oliver bush says:
Actually, the last frat tailgate I attended at Vandy was adorned with a 60-ft slip and slide with accompanying baby pools. I must say it was the first time I’d ever seen dozens of drunk girls in sundresses going down a slip and slide. I never made it to the game. But as a Tuscaloosa guy, I must say well done to the Dores.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
19
Harris says:
If ya’ll follow through on the Duke/Vandy idea, and it’s a good one, I hope somebody affects an effeminate British accent, calls himself Lord Nigel Higgenbottom and narrates the game as though he’s watching the Boer War, with all the casual racism that implies.
“I daresay, old boy, those some rather large negroes. I rather do hope they shan’t violate the gates ’round the pitch lest they go on a brutal rampage or something. You know how these natives can be when they get their spirits up.”
July 14th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
20
Diamond M says:
#16 — I can beat that.
When I was in law school, I attended every home Duke game and many road games as a member of the marching band (which was required if you wanted to be in the pep band for basketball season). I was in law school in the 3 year twilight zone — the football team went to the Hall of Fame Bowl against Wisconsin and the basketball team never made it past the 2nd round of the basketball tournament (I still hate Austin Croshere for that upset ending my college pep band career!)
It’s quite a lovely place to watch a game in the fall, with the open horseshoe looking out on the fall leaves.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
21
Grimey says:
23 SKIDDOO!
July 14th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
22
DevilGrad says:
Re #20: Agreed. Both Wally Wade and (it pains me to say) Kenan are gorgeous places to watch a game. It’s just a damn shame that the product isn’t any better.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
23
DC Trojan says:
Harris at 19 – uncanny. Replace “negroes” with “paddies”* and it’s as if you had been sitting next to me while I was watching the USC – Notre Dame game.
Also – if the Orson to Vandy scheme comes to fruition, a sedan chair is required. A rickshaw just won’t cut it.
* This was also the crux of northern immigration policies before and after the Civil War, as I understand it.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
24
Big Ten Joe says:
Or, if you can’t make Duke-Vandy, you can go to Northwestern-Duke in Durham on September 6th . . . .
July 14th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
25
Where'sMyDawg says:
Orson, now you understand the laughs we Dawgs have as we watch the various ticket promotional efforts coming from Tech.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
26
I am the Liquor says:
Genius idea. I think a megaphone like a 1920’s movie director would use is in order, of course held by your manservant. The words “boondoggle” “balderdash” and “donnybrook” are essential in your discourse to capture the full affect. Some sherry and bitters during the tailgatine are a must as well.
July 14th, 2008 at 2:37 pm
27
The Conscience of a Nation says:
Orson trivia nugget: He applied and was accepted to Vandy. On the day in high school when I found out that he had decided to attend UF, I told one of his teachers that I was going to marry him.
Let it never be said that I do not plan well in advance.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
28
DevilGrad says:
It may be an even better trivia nugget that y’all met in high school. I did not know that.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
29
I R A Darth Aggie says:
Oh, and Florida State is sellling tickets to Tallahassee Community College students now.
How the mighty have fallen. With an enrollment of nearly 40,000 they can’t fill in the student section??? WTF?
July 14th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
30
I R A Darth Aggie says:
Addendum: what’s next? selling tickets to FAMU students?
July 14th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
31
Ryno says:
Can I come dressed up as the butler “Beersworthy” from the earlier posts?
I’ll shine the monacle – fetch goblets of fresh brandy – cut the cigars – and respond to any requests with a “Very good sah”
July 14th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
32
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
TCOAN,
So tell me, is your story of the TCOAN/Swindle love affair akin to “The Notebook”? Of course, minus the Alzheimers? or maybe with it? It would keep the romance fresh and anew on a daily basis…..
July 14th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
33
Ryno says:
I R A Darth Aggie – In all fairness, Jenn Sterger is no longer enrolled and they used to be able to charge her for 8 tickets simply because her earth-shifting chest took up so much space.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
34
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
I think the more appropiate announcer would be the guy who played “Higgins” on “Magnum PI”……
The game would play more interestingly if they all met for the the flip of the coin for kickoff, and asked
“Would you like a taste of english leather?” then they slapped each other across the face with their gloves, challenged each other to a duel, and the game would be settled in 5 mins at 15 paces…….in Alabamas case, JPW would still hit the side of the press box even though he was aiming somewhere else…
July 14th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
35
Race Bannon-Quest says:
# 23 – doesn’t “paddies” refer to white folks? If not, I have to call my grandfather and send an e-mail to the Macmillian group.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
36
Race Bannon-Quest says:
#34 sorry, I read on a fifth-grade level. carry on.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
37
The Conscience of a Nation says:
DG- Mind you, we haven’t been together the whole time since then. He was my senior prom date, though.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
38
The Conscience of a Nation says:
Pelican Pants- I have no idea– I never saw the Notebook.
Not much one for most chick flicks.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
39
Ryno says:
TCOAN – save your time and don’t rent it.
It’s not so much a chick-flick as it is a blubberfest. I rented it to watch with my GF a while ago…thinking it would set up perfectly a night of hot lovin’
She was an absolute wreck after it – tissues everywhere, tears streaming down her face, makeup smeared, eyes red. It was a total disaster (from my standpoint).
July 14th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
40
Chips O'Toole says:
Don’t forget the spatted shoes, a key wardrobe choice for any captain of industry.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
41
yoyofutbawl says:
Pelican-
JPW can throw a ball where he’s supposed to. For example, he led Anthony Johnson perfectly in the last play of the first half in Starksville – a 106 yard TD pass, setting a new Bama record.
For an Interception Return by an Opponent.
July 14th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
42
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
#36
Yes, I would have to agree….someother noteworthy
“Do Not Rent unless you want to depress the hell out of your date and kill the Sex drive” type movies–
Legend of the Fall
The Green Mile
Forrest Gump
Titanic
Old Yeller’
Where the Red Fern Grows
Deliverance
Alabama-ULM game
July 14th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
43
gosouthgohard says:
Huzzah! Huzzah for the foot-ball!
July 14th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
44
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
Why do I suspect that game will turn into one big life size “Monopoly” game, soley based on that picture?
July 14th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
45
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
+Newsflash+
Brett Farve practices with high school football team in Hattiesburg,MS……declines interviews, lets kids speak for him…..tells the Packers to go “F*&* Themselves”
July 14th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
46
Wes says:
instead of playing football, they will bring a large wooden table to midfield and try to solve the national mortgage crisis.
July 14th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
47
Raider Red says:
#40: Does that mean Sterger will hold the cards marked “Community Chest”?
July 14th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
48
al-d-gator says:
The worst part about FSU having to sell tickets to TCC students is that FSU students get free football tickets. Can’t they just remove some of the tinker toys from one side so Doak looks a little more full?
July 14th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
49
Bill says:
That idea just made an otherwise dreary move to Nashville a little bit brighter. If Orson does it, I’ll go to that game just to see that scene.
July 14th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
50
VandyJ says:
SIR- You have forgotten the essential component of the gin rickey. I shall be drinking these and several other cocktails out of the back of my ‘32 Dusenberg. I may even condescend to attire myself in a raccoon coat specially procured for the occasion.
Signed,
Vandy J
c/o Siamese Consulate
San Fran., Cal.
**Airmail via Auto-Gyro**
July 14th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
51
NOLAcane says:
blah blah blah blah FSU has bandwagon fans blah blah blah most FSU fans didnt go to school there they went to TCC blah blah blah.
Actually, just like you cant blame our fans for saving money and going somewhere other than UM, you cant blame Nole fans for going to TCC and getting a legitimate non-circus education
July 14th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
52
samsson says:
Better or worse:
FSU-Tallahassee CC.
ucla buy one ticket-get one free at Ralphs supermarket.
July 14th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
53
Allahver Fist says:
NOLAcane, you runnin’ the ‘cost of education’ bullshit about a State school with the State legislature at it’s back?
Clown School never looked so legitimate.
July 14th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
54
bevo says:
I like the idea of teaching the locals how to do tailgating/football watching proper. But Harvard/Yale is too predictable.
Amherst/Williams would view it as ironic.
No, I vote for Vassar/Skidmore in men’s soccer. Show up in Saratoga Springs, organize a marching kazoo band for halftime, grill a lot of dead animal before kickoff, lead the wave, etc. Discuss how two former all-women’s colleges should field football to, you know, get some real men on campus.
Oh, yeah. Lots and lots of bourbon.
The comedy writes itself.
July 15th, 2008 at 12:30 am
55
Allahver Fist says:
I’m not sure what I said at #53 makes any sense whatsoever. I fielded 16 returning starters last night from my weekend boozefest. All that talk about SEC tailgating…I need a better excuse for drinking. Football!
July 15th, 2008 at 8:09 am