SCENE: A NOTRE DAME DEFENSIVE MEETING
Notre Dame Football Offices. Charlie Weis and his staff are busy poring over game tape. Defensive coordinators Corwin Brown and Jon Tenuta sit on either side of Weis at the head of a long wooden table. Weis points and clicks at the screen.
Weis: And this?
Brown: Well, what we’d do is—
Tenuta: TAH-NOO-TAH BLITZ!!!! (Slams fist down on table.)
Weis: Very…um….good. Now, what about if we see something like this…
Brown: Well, I think we’d slant the line toward the weak side and…
Tenuta: BLITZ!!! BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ HBEEEHAAARRRGGHH!HHHHH!!!! (Punches hole in table, takes bite out of foam and leather from assistant’s chair.)
Weis: And if we see something like this….
Tenuta: GOOFY BLITZ!!!!
Weis: …and this?
Tenuta: 4-6 BLITZ!!! TAH-NOO-TAH SAY GRIZZLY GET (profanity so unspeakable it can’t even appear on this blog) BLITZ HAHAHHAHAHA!!!!
Weis…and this?
Tenuta: GAY BLITZ!!!! TAH-NOO-TAH THUMP THEM WITH HOUSE BEAT AND SUPPLEMENT WAREHOUSE BLITZ!!!
Brown: Hey, I thought we were supposed to share–
Weis: Wait, don’t say that, he’s gonna–
Tenuta runs over and embraces Brown in a bear hug so tight the veins in his head bulge.
Tenuta: TAH-NOO-TAH SHARE HUG WITH BUDDY CORWIN! BLITZ HIM WITH AFFECTION AND PROFESSIONAL RESPECT!!! MMMMMMMMGGGGHHHH!!!!!
Brown: My…insides…
Weis: I think we’re done here. Lunch, boys!
Brown: …I hear popping…noises…Oh god…
Tenuta: HUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!
END SCENE
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1
Domer Guy says:
That sounds about right.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:34 am
2
wooderson says:
It’ll be a fun season, that’s for sure.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:39 am
3
AllWhoYonder says:
needs more blitzing
July 10th, 2008 at 10:39 am
4
Atlantadomer says:
Someone at mass noticed my class ring and said, “I’m looking forward to the season, but I’m worried about our linebackers.” I had my kids Tenuta blitz him into submission.
Linebackers are about the only area I’m not worried about.
July 10th, 2008 at 10:46 am
5
Dr Strangelove says:
I think the blitzkrieggen, I mean blitz defense is a great defense
July 10th, 2008 at 11:10 am
6
domer.mq says:
Orson,
I know you know this, but Tenuta is not a coordinator. I don’t mean to pick nits, but it threw my suspension of disbelief right out of the window. You know, like seeing real-life Fred Willard in the middle of a WALL-E.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:14 am
7
Notre_Dane says:
That was hilarious, well done.
All jokes aside though, I think a lot of folks are looking forward to what Tenuta and Brown can do together on defense. I’m certainly not concerned about our LBs.
And I hope to hell we see a lot of TENUTA BLITZ talk during the season, because it’ll probably mean one of our LBs just put another opposing QB in the morgue…for Tenuta to feast on at a later time.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:21 am
8
ehrenb2 says:
It won’t be as amusing when your DBs give a 12 yard cushion on 3rd and 8.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:28 am
9
Jen says:
I thought Charlie Weiss was an OFFENSIVE genius? Now you tell me he’s both?!?!
July 10th, 2008 at 11:32 am
10
Kenny says:
Tenuta’s addition puts us in the unenviable — and previously unconsidered — position of a waking of the echoes for Notre Dame.
Consider: A beyond expectations season for the Irish, where they go 8-4 and wind up in a BCS game against Auburn who gets an at large bid to the big partays.
Can you imagine the TAH-NOO-TAH blitz versus the Chop Block?
July 10th, 2008 at 11:38 am
11
Out of Conference says:
#7 – Not to nitpick, but I think you have “our” and opposing” switched there by accident.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:40 am
12
odell51 says:
“Everything is down hill”
“Are we going full speed today??? Then what the F— was that?!”
My dad saw the clip of him at practice and he didn’t even need his Viagra.
It is going to be a fun year.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:40 am
13
Bill says:
ND can’t be in the BCS with 8 wins.
July 10th, 2008 at 11:56 am
14
David says:
#12
Yes, but Notre Dame can get in with six wins.
July 10th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
15
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
My moneys on Tenuta blitzing them once they get off the bus, while they are in their suits and ties and shocked that they are getting hit by ND in full pads 6 hrs before the game starts……hell he may not even wait til they get off the bus, he may charge the bus/plane and just start letting the players hit ‘em in their seats
July 10th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
16
MaconDawg says:
Speaking strictly as a Georgia fan, I must regretfully inform Notre Dame backers that “TENUTA BLITZ!!!” is in fact Belgian for “GETZ BURNT OON TAILBACK DRAWZZZ AND SLANT ROUTZ. ALL. DAY. LONG!!!”
At least that was our experience. Your mileage may vary.
July 10th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
17
wooderson says:
David, ND hasn’t been to the BCS with more than 2 losses (10-2, 9-2 twice).
Unlike the 8-4 FSU of 8-3 Pitt teams that went thanks to conference automatic bids.
And everyone thinks ND gets a better deal…
July 10th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
18
Daniel says:
#8,
A 12 yard cushion is 5 yards closer than our DBs have been at any time in the last three years.
July 10th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
19
Atlantadomer says:
Has anyone looked at that ND schedule this year? Same old song friends – look at the cakewalk of the first 11 games? Who scares anyone there? Michigan with no QB and an entirely new offense to run the second week of the season? Against Tenuta’s LB’s?? (Ask Demetrius Jones about that one Mich State is without Caulcrick and Ringer (only John L could lose games with those two horses), Wilfred Brimley is without Painter – Wannstache??? Please, he still has nightmares about what ND did to Pitt on Charlie’s opening game in 2005.
ND will run all the way to the USC game, maybe dropping one to Carolina if they play out of their minds in Chapel Hill, maybe. USC will torch them by two touchdowns. ND will get into a BCS bowl against an SEC team (I’m looking at you Auburn) and get smoked like they have the last two times. ND brings in the $$$ for the bowls so they never get to end up beating up a WAC school.
Somebody record the date and time on this one.
July 10th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
20
Jackwraith says:
Standard NDNation response a full 49 days early @ 12:58 pm. Check.
July 10th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
21
a-non-a-mus says:
July 10, 12:58, when AtlantaDomer reveals that he has found the fountain of hope, NotreDame’s offseason.
July 10th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
22
Atlantadomer says:
Jackwraith, I’m hoping you didn’t misinterpret my last postulation – I’m predicting Auburn or other said SEC school, will spank ND by 2 touchdowns. NDNation would have you believe that the Irish would somehow get faster between the last game against USC and the bowl game. Funny, that never seems to happen.
Will be a nice season though.
July 10th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
23
El Wolverino says:
Atlantadomer, I am saving it. I am in fact saving the screenshot.
Painter is still there, which might not be a big deal in NDNation since emu is slated to win a Heisman this year.
Michigan gave you 21 points in Defense with Brady Quinn, Samaralphabet, McKnight, Darius Walker the last time we played you at ND. And last year, we gave you 0 points. We have our D-Line returning with Donovan Warren and Trent returning too.
You might be in for a surprise. Now, go back to NDNation if you want to snub reality.
July 10th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
24
Tricky Dick says:
@#11 +5 No Homos
July 10th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
25
Cock D says:
Atlantadomer –
Fact check: Michigan will have two games under their belts when they come to South Bend; ND will have one.
I won’t bother with reality checks – but there is no way ND makes it to the USC game with less than two losses.
But it is so much fun to watch the ND crackpipe blazing.
July 10th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
26
Devin McCullen says:
So what would people rather watch – a Michigan-Notre Dame game, or a Tenuta-Barwis cage match?
July 10th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
27
Turf says:
BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ, no matter how it works out in the end, will still be a welcome change from the ‘bend, and then break’ defenses that ND has put out there over the past decade or so.
I still miss Barry Alvarez.
July 10th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
28
El Wolverino says:
I AM GOING TO BLITZZZZ.. GRRRRR…
WTF HE IS GOING TO SCORE.. STOP HIM…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtBBnt5EHGU
July 10th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
29
SpartanDan says:
#19: No way in hell do the Domers get through the regular season with two losses. The epic fail that was your offensive line last year will improve, sure, but that’s because it’s impossible to be any worse. Combine that with the emphasis on blitzing (a high-variance strategy), and there’s no way ND will be consistent enough to come close to 10-2. (And I find it absolutely hysterical that you think North Carolina is the second danger team – I doubt they’ll be in the top half of your schedule, much less “best of the rest”. They’ll be a tougher game than Stanford, Syracuse, maybe San Diego State, and maybe Washington, but that’s it.)
Massive improvement might get your team to 7-5 and a bowl game. A BCS game? Dream on.
July 10th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
30
Cock D says:
Oh – BTW: I think Bama might have finally made their numbers for scholarship limits:
http://www.mgoblog.com/content/cut
July 10th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
31
Bagger Douche says:
Atlantadomer, tell us more about your ring.
July 10th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
32
Kenny Stabler says:
We knew we would easily make our numbers.
/hiccup
July 10th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
33
UgasTexan says:
+ 4 cocktails to you, Macon Dawg, for the subtle dig at North Avenue.
ME NO UNDERSTANDS THE TAHNOOTAH SO GREAT DOGS KICK ASS ALL TIME.
July 10th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
34
wooderson says:
Ugastexan, I do’nt think Tenuta had any control over the whole Reggie Ball Experience, so I don’t think you can really lay all the blame on him.
If I remember correctly, Tech’s D kept them in those games, only to have Ball piss it away.
July 10th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
35
Coop says:
While Notre Dame may very well lose to Carolina, I think they will, Carolina is not the worst of their problems until the USC game.
If Notre Dame wins 9 regular season games, I will be flabbergasted.
I doubt whatever flab I might have needs to be too concerned.
July 10th, 2008 at 3:53 pm
36
Atlantadomer says:
Ahh… I see the hatred flowing through all of you.
I get on here and say “the ND schedule plays out so weak this year that it will be another one of those years where they win lots of games against weak teams and get into a bowl game they don’t deserve”, and what happens? No one got past “win” and “Notre Dame”.
Orson – I have to do this – I have to call on guest columnist Tommy Kilborn. Only he can speak from the Notre Dame that all of you seem to honor.
July 10th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
37
PoeMcFuckinNoe says:
The Buckeyes would gladly take some of those angry, angry blitzes.
July 10th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
38
Uncle Rico says:
#23 is typical Michigan.
No one ever beats Michigan, they only beat themselves.
I guess that’s why Bo had such a pathetic Rose Bowl record… he was so good, he beat himself.
July 11th, 2008 at 1:02 am
39
Out of Conference says:
#36 +infinity on the Tommy Kilborn reference.
I saw your post and realized you weren’t pumping sunshine for ND, but merely pointing out an incredibly weak schedule that will get seriously exposed by USCw and possibly in a bowl game if ND happens to roll through with only 2 losses. Carry on my friend. Tommy Kilborn you are not.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:54 am
40
andrew says:
Tenuta vs Barwis cage match with Tim Brewster calling it!
FIGHT!!! TRY!!! BEST!!! WIN!!!!
July 11th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
41
Chg says:
I always read EDSBS Tenuta as Animal from the Muppets. If you could trade “blitz” for “drums” in their respective vocabularies, it works fine both ways.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:28 pm