SCENE: A NOTRE DAME DEFENSIVE MEETING

Notre Dame Football Offices. Charlie Weis and his staff are busy poring over game tape. Defensive coordinators Corwin Brown and Jon Tenuta sit on either side of Weis at the head of a long wooden table. Weis points and clicks at the screen.

Weis: And this?

Brown: Well, what we'd do is---

Tenuta: TAH-NOO-TAH BLITZ!!!! (Slams fist down on table.)

Weis: Very...um....good. Now, what about if we see something like this...

Brown: Well, I think we'd slant the line toward the weak side and...

Tenuta: BLITZ!!! BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ HBEEEHAAARRRGGHH!HHHHH!!!! (Punches hole in table, takes bite out of foam and leather from assistant's chair.)

Weis: And if we see something like this....

Tenuta: GOOFY BLITZ!!!!

Weis: ...and this?

Tenuta: 4-6 BLITZ!!! TAH-NOO-TAH SAY GRIZZLY GET (profanity so unspeakable it can't even appear on this blog) BLITZ HAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

Weis...and this?

Tenuta: GAY BLITZ!!!! TAH-NOO-TAH THUMP THEM WITH HOUSE BEAT AND SUPPLEMENT WAREHOUSE BLITZ!!!

Brown: Hey, I thought we were supposed to share--

Weis: Wait, don't say that, he's gonna--

Tenuta runs over and embraces Brown in a bear hug so tight the veins in his head bulge.

Tenuta: TAH-NOO-TAH SHARE HUG WITH BUDDY CORWIN! BLITZ HIM WITH AFFECTION AND PROFESSIONAL RESPECT!!! MMMMMMMMGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Brown: My...insides...

Weis: I think we're done here. Lunch, boys!

Brown: ...I hear popping...noises...Oh god...

Tenuta: HUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!

END SCENE

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