Well, it does save us from watching the Motor City Bowl. Hugh Hewitt, Ohio State fan and Mitt Romney supporter…

(Review: you fucked up, America! Remember that he was ready to KILL ‘EM ALL!!!

Hugh Hewitt wanted to rock, mellow trip-hoppy XM Chill pussies! He blames you!)

…demonstrates an inability to use a calendar by citing the Ohio State/USC game as the last chance we’ll ever have to watch football before GAY TERRORIST LIBERAL ENVIROBEATNIKS COME AND KILL US ALL!!!

“I’m still trying to find two tickets to the Ohio State-USC game. And none of the USC people will give up their tickets to me. I’d pay fair price. They — they know Ohio State’s gonna slaughter the Trojans. They know that they’re gonna slaughter the Trojans, and therefore they do not want me there at the bloodbath, since it’s probably the last football game we’ll ever get to see before the United States gets blown up by the Islamists under Obama.

That’s why we’re supporting Obama, people: because we own a Mac, drink overpriced coffee, and hate football so much we’re willing to elect a robot Muslim sodomite to end the hell of watching football for fifteen hours every Saturday. For the record, Hewitt may watch the last game ever on November 2nd when UCF faces East Carolina on a Sunday. We’ll be liveblogging it with a helmet on and trembling, but not from fear, but excitement: Holtz versus O’Leary! Grrrrr!!!

R.I.P. UGA VI. UGA VI died as most Georgians will: pantsless, lacking a high school degree, and suffering from a heart attack. His burial will take place inside Sanford Stadium today at 3:30, and is described as “a private affair,” which we’re sure it is, as we usually cry way harder when a pet dies than when a human does. (A dog, for instance, is unlikely to die owing you money, unless it’s an Airedale. Notorious loan-jumpers as a breed, generally speaking.)

This bears mention, though:

According to UGA, it is the only school that buries its mascots within the confines of the stadium.

Incorrect: unbeknownst to them beforehand, Tennessee entombs the plushie Smokey in the walls of Neyland Stadium after the last game of each season. (Fresh blood keeps the corn syrup gods happy. Shhhhh…..)

Condolences to the Seiler Family, and to UGA fans mourning his loss. A damn good dawg, we’re sure.

Hallo, stalkerazzi. The “Mr. Erin Andrews Shirt” is out for those of you lacking the gumption to just sack up and outright stalk someone.

Hayden Fry, the Paul Erdos of coaches. More Stoops coaching tree/Hayden Fry homage here, and why not: tracking the Hayden Fry coaching tree reminds you that part of your biggest impact in life is not what you accomplish, but what you help others do and become. Why are you looking at us like that? We’re serious here. Fry was is like Paul Erdos*, a networker and router for coaching talent who trained or directly impacted a good ten percent of the coaches working today in college football.

He deserves some kind of posthumous award for mentorship, and if not for that, then at least for his famous line about giving someone a starting job “because he liked the way he looked coming out of the shower.” A one-man academy is a rare, once-in-a-generation talent, and it is something Fry disciple Bob Stoops gets too little credit for doing.

A veritable Ph.D in How My Ass Taste: If you’re going to tell someone to dine on your scrotum, do it with style. Noel Gallagher said Jay-Z was a terrible opening act for Glastonbury; Jay-Z then opened with this piss-take of all piss takes:

We’re standing and applauding right now. You can’t see it, but it’s magnificent and awed applause.

*Apologies. We Abe Vigoda’d him, meaning thought he was dead, but was still surprised to find he wasn’t.