PLAYERS WIN. WINNERS WIN. TOWELS TOWELLINATE.
by Orson on Jun 26, 2008 12:13 PM EDT
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PrintEDITOR'S NOTE: The name of Illinois' coach appears in the following due to artistic license. Apologies.
Textin'. Winnin'. Lovin'. Gotta bench, gotta get better, gotta compete. Can't win without competin'. Can't compete without work. Can't work without arms. Can't have arms without a body, and you can't have a body without legs. That's why Captain here's doing squats during this interview right now.
LOOK AT THE FORM! AAAIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (Pistol squats 350 pounds, texts recruit with his toes using a 1983 cell phone the size of a mailbox.)
Gotta get the students into it. Get 'em excited. We're all excited but we're not excited enough. Excitement means excitement times excitement divided by excitement. Get 'em some towels. Loving me some towels. Worked in Pittsburgh. Drunk Yinzers puking. Towels. Hurling on each other. Women punching women punching men punching mules. Punching.
Alcohol poisoning. Excited, then football, then alcohol poisoning. Clean up with the towels. Wave 'em around and get puke all over the place. Excitement. That's what we're looking for here.
Excitement. Towels. Punching Mules.
GOTTA FIND A FIREHOSE OF EXCITEMENT FOR ILLINOIZE BABEE!!!! (Shoots caffeine into eyeballs with aerosol injector)
All them towels gettin' me excited. Too excited. Don't look. Violates human resource codes. That's off the record and no pictures. Gotta get new pants. Too much coach for the shorts. Excited!
SOOOOOOOO ENERGETIC!!!!! JUICE WILLIAMS AAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! THE ZOOKER IS ROLLIN, BABEEEEE!!! IN THE ZOOOOOOOOK ZOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!
(Tears phone book in half, dips it in barrel of Ben-Gay, eats it, punches hole in wall and leaves.)
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Is this the beginning of a rapprochement between Orson and Zook?
by OhioDawg on Jun 26, 2008 12:29 PM EDT reply actions
As a former resident of Squirrel Hill, I’ll paraphrase Bruno Gianelli,
“I love it when the Yinzers get involved.”
by now_a_hoo on Jun 26, 2008 12:40 PM EDT reply actions
Count me as disgustedly appreciative of the phrase, “Too much coach for the shorts.”
by BennyBeav on Jun 26, 2008 12:44 PM EDT reply actions
Ahem. I said, did someone say power towel?
by Oops Pow Surprise on Jun 26, 2008 12:50 PM EDT reply actions
You UF folks sure give that dude a lot of shit even though he set Urb up pretty nicely for the 2006 MNC
by Darkknight on Jun 26, 2008 1:02 PM EDT reply actions
Que up the Joe Satriani, because we are rock the house tonight!
by John on Jun 26, 2008 1:22 PM EDT reply actions
I really think this will improve things around here, I really really do.
by Spanky on Jun 26, 2008 1:22 PM EDT reply actions
Oh Fox 5 reporter who fell down trying to cheat in the grape smoosh-off…you will NEVER die!
by Mackalicious on Jun 26, 2008 1:24 PM EDT reply actions
Do you think [NAME REDACTED] would of been able to win a national championship if he was still the coach of UF in 2006?
He deserves all the shit’s he’s given, he never deserved that job.
by Erdinger on Jun 26, 2008 1:47 PM EDT reply actions
Every time I see teams like Illinois or KSU trying to start a new “tradition” like the power towel, I think “this is what separates real football teams from the wannabe’s.” Than I remember that Nebraska added the tunnel walk in 95, blatantly ripping off the Chicago Bull’s entrance song in the process, and I a weep a little inside.
by carlinthemarlin on Jun 26, 2008 1:48 PM EDT reply actions
What the hell do yinzers have to do with this?
I don’t really care….but I LOVE IT!
by Jester on Jun 26, 2008 1:49 PM EDT reply actions
No MNC in 06 UF would be 8-3 but getting better all the time, working hard, good effort blah blah
by willet on Jun 26, 2008 1:54 PM EDT reply actions
Not just better, willet, but better and better.
by Oops Pow Surprise on Jun 26, 2008 2:06 PM EDT reply actions
All 6 Home Games?
Six Home games?!?
No wonder they suck.
by NewAZTiger on Jun 26, 2008 2:08 PM EDT reply actions
@Dr. Strangecock,
Me neither.
We must not have learned this in school. *
*Five Points
by GamecockTony on Jun 26, 2008 2:26 PM EDT reply actions
Like a car-wreck…those face-plants by Castro and the news babe are hard to ignore, but somehow [name redacted] makes it possible. On the contrary, [name redacted] is becoming dramatically easier to ignore now that he is someone else’s self-contained clusterfuck.
by sb on Jun 26, 2008 4:30 PM EDT reply actions
Reading this it strikes me that Zook is a version of Pete Carroll with more testosterone and less brains.
by oc phil on Jun 26, 2008 5:40 PM EDT reply actions
#8,
Cue any Ron Zook press conference and get back to us.
Imagine Ron Zook threatening the entire Pi Kappa Phi house with personal destruction and get back to us.
Relive the drama as Ron Zook gets Croomed and get back to us.
Watch just about any fourth quarter lead get whittled away (like a wood chipper, feet first) and get back to us.
Regarding Ron Zook, never forgive, never forget.
That is all.
by DHC on Jun 26, 2008 5:56 PM EDT reply actions
How sad for you Gator fans. Maybe the rest of us should chip in for therapy. Deep breath, everything is going to be OK until Illinois embarrasses your overrated team in a bowl game. Oops! That was just a slip. Deep breath, everything is going to be OK.
by Craig on Jun 26, 2008 7:05 PM EDT reply actions
I am an Illini fan who will not bate any arguments with Gator fans, because that is really counter productive
I will say that after going through an entire lifetime of Illini mediocrity and degradation, Zook, though clearly not a fit at Florida, is worth his weight in cocain at Illinois.
I’m not going to tell you that coach Zook is going to take us to the BCS every year, but I think it is reasonable to go to a minor to impressive bowl every year. Damn it I lived through Ron Turner, who couldn’t convince anyone not born in champaign county to come to Illinois. Even though he starts off some second halfs with onside kicks, and even though he accepts penaltys that give Iowa extra chances to score touchdowns, some how he gets people from Ft. Lauderdale to live through winter in Champaign, Which is a major victory I think.
We are Illini fans, we don’t ask for much, just let us have this. (although some also want a dancing Indian)
by Illini FTW on Jun 26, 2008 7:36 PM EDT reply actions
- and #29 -
Please keep the Zook hiring in context. HE FOLLOWED STEVEN ORR SPURRIER!!!!!
That’s like a Captain taking over a big, beautiful, powerful aircraft carrier … and sinking it.
by DHC on Jun 27, 2008 7:43 AM EDT reply actions
#29, if I were worried about being productive wouldn’t be reading this blog much less leaving comments.
by Craig on Jun 27, 2008 8:22 PM EDT reply actions
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