THAT IS NOT NECESSARILY A PR PROBLEM
Human. Shocking.Hayes on Weis in a well-rounded…um, “three-dimensional” profile of the coach:
“The biggest problem I have,” Weis says, “is people who don’t know me, who have never spoken to me, think I’m an asshole.”
Again, where this is a problem for a highly-paid coach, we don’t know. The difficult part in any perspective piece on a coach or player is the Uncertainty Principle, the fact that interviewing that person causes them to behave differently and force the bromides out of everyone around them, since no one’s going to stand up and say “God, that man is retarded and fond of barbecuing live ferrets for lunch.”
It does give some take a fair amount of brainpower, though, to hold two contradictory ideas in the head simultaneously. Weis might be an asshole to all but 14 people in this world; Mark Mangino might manage to have come up the hard way, worked two jobs for thirty years, been a dedicated father, and still wound up being loathed and feared by most people who have contact with him. It is a very real thing to assume being a real, live person means being complex, potentially unlikeable, or even likeable and an asshole simultaneously. With people being polymorphously perverse as they are, all of the above are possible, since being human often involves being complex, problematic, and difficult to understand.
Pardon the digression, though. We now return to the standard dynamic of worshiping athletes and coaches or hating them outright. Apologies for the interruption of service.









1
Oops Pow Surprise says:
I don’t really see where being retarded and barbecuing live ferrets for lunch is a problem either.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:31 am
2
AllWhoYonder says:
Clearly, ferrets are a dinner food. How could one even consider them for lunch?
June 25th, 2008 at 11:38 am
3
NativeSon says:
So….one must RISE through the bush-league coaching ranks of the NFL before ascending the throne as Head Coach of Notre Dame?
Assuming he approved the title of the book, I can’t imagine why people would think he’s an asshole.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:49 am
4
OhioDawg says:
Cash in now Charlie, then give Gerry Faust, yeah, that Gerry Faust, a call. He’ll have some good tips on how to manage the incredible rise to Head Coach of a Mid-Major Team.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:55 am
5
Teddy Dupay says:
Remember that time Charlie Weis got his hand got in that jar? What an asshole.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:56 am
6
Mike says:
Jesus, I’m a Domer, but that was a fluff piece par excellence.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
7
St. Daywalker says:
I love you, you asshole.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
8
Nile says:
I feel a little too much synergy around here lately.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
9
J in SD says:
Urban Meyer is a peach.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
10
paco says:
I thought being an asshole was a prerequisite for employment at Notre Dame……so what he problem is?
June 25th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
11
NDEddieMac says:
As always I dont care if he’s an asshole or not, I only care about abortions like last season not happening again.Charlie better win at least 8 with this years schedule…
June 25th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
12
John says:
“The biggest problem I have,” Weis says, “is people who don’t know me, who have never spoken to me, think I’m an asshole.”
That sounds like some teenage whore on a daytime talk show. “You don’t know me.”
To paraphrase Mark Twain, it’s better to keep your mouth shut and have people assume you’re an asshole then to open your mouth and have it be confirmed.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
13
BurritoBrosShits says:
“The biggest problem I have,” Weis says, “is people who don’t know me, who have never spoken to me, think I’m an asshole.”
Should read: “The biggest problem I have,” Weis says, “is putting my pants on every morning.”
June 25th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
14
Sherlock Hemlock says:
So, we’re asking the uber-asshole existential questions about his assholy nature? What did you expect him to say that would not confirm his innate sphincterocity?
The only correct response when posed that query, would be to reply that “Yeah, I guess I can be a bit of an asshole at times,” thus diluting, but not eliminating, the pungent stink of asshole that he wears so proudly, as if it was a chocolate crown made out of pork.
Geez, the guy flosses with ham and his shit has enough excess calories and unprocessed nutrients that, if consumed, would turn Ethiopia into the world’s leader in gout and type 1 diabetes. Disembodied anuses actually wipe pictures of Weis after they crap.
Sincerely,
Charlie Weis’s Gastric Lap Band
June 25th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
15
mykiec says:
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
16
Sherlock Hemlock says:
At Number 15:
Hey, if your not gonna re-swallow all of that, can Charlie have it?
Sincerely,
Charlie Weis’s Gastric Lap Band
June 25th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
17
DHC says:
#14 is one of the more amusing responses in this site’s history, and that’s saying a lot.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
18
Ryno says:
But let’s be clear about one thing.
That fat asshole could go out and recruit all the thugs and criminals of the world to come and play football at Notre Dame but he doesn’t.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
19
Ryno says:
#14,
In regards to the aforementioned “Chocolate Crown of Pork”
Can they be purchased during the holiday season and given to Orson and Holly as stocking stuffers.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
20
Kenny says:
Charlie Weis’s Gastric Lap Band: Destined to be the next great name posting comments on this site, joining Dumpster Muffin in a pantheon of heroic snark.
Also, it could be the name of a thrash punk band in the greater South Bend metropolitan area.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
21
Out of Conference says:
#18 – That’s a bold assumption, my friend.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
22
Sherlock Hemlock says:
At # 19:
Alas, as yet they are but a gauzy and ephemeral dream confection that dances in Charlie’s calorically-engorged brain.
And as for your clarification at # 18, the simple fact is that thugs and criminals consume a higher ratio of fatty treats and empty calories than do the wholesome Opie Taylor-types that Weis currently loses with. Better a 3 and 9 record on the field then nothing left in the training room vending machine but a bag of stale apples.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
23
Gozar says:
I’ve never seen someone work so hard to look smart while making fat jokes.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
24
onetimeonly says:
Love the blog, but was the choice of the word “retarded” intentional? At some other point in the package of stories this guy did on Weis, he mentioned how an “ESPN personality” apologized to Weis for using the word “retard” at a roast.
Weis has a special-needs kid (yah, yah, I know — he’s a saint, etc.) and said “Using that word is like calling an African-American the n-word,” or something like that.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
25
Sherlock Hemlock says:
Would you feel better if smart looked stupid?
June 25th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
26
Orson Swindle says:
EDSBS: where stupid smart=smart stupid.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
27
Jesus says:
Although ND doesn’t have a lot of thugs who sell coke and beat women off the field, they are going to get a ton of thuggish personal fouls this year, win or lose. I think they are sick of being labeled as pussies, and that fat asshole Weis is too. The Michigan game (week 2) is going to be fun to watch simply because there are going to be a lot of fights after the play. They won’t be able to get down quite like da boyz from da U and kick faces in, but it should be fun.
June 25th, 2008 at 2:23 pm
28
J in SD says:
Yeah, I know, the point of this post by Swindle et al. is to increase site traffic and argue that being an asshole is not such a bad thing for a head D1 football coach so why whine about it. However, I’d like to hijack things a bit and offer up this puff piece on Urban Liar from a local FLA paper. Try to keep lunch down all.
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/sports/orl-bianchi2208jun22,0,7464175.column?page=1
June 25th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
29
John says:
So Orson likes both the laid back style of Pete Carroll and Rick Nueheisel AND the assholishness of Charlie Weis and Urban Meyer? Orson is the 13 year old girl who has a crush on every boy in her class.
June 25th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
30
hobeg8r says:
UF Athletic Association 2007-8 projected revenues:
$25M – Gator Boosters
$ 8.5M – SEC tv
$ 2.1M – Marketing/sponsorships
$ 1.4M – Equipment contracts
$16.2M – football ticket sales
Actual revenue is exceeding projections. Laughing all the way to the bank. Thank you, Urban.
June 25th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
31
Jeff from LA says:
+1000 cocktails to #13.
I couldn’t help laughing out loud when I read that comment about Weis putting his pants on every morning. I know the Domers hate hearing the fat jokes over and over again but fat jokes never go out of style.
June 25th, 2008 at 4:49 pm
32
OhioDawg says:
#27 – ND rarely lacks in unsportsmanlike penalties or behavior on the field. How about when the ND punt return team mugged the Penn State punter (Kapinos?) or the shot on the Stanford qb (Pritchard?) which was the second of that day?
Whether they’re pussies is another story, but I’m sure there will be plenty of cheap shots.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
33
NativeSon says:
@28
and I’d be willing to bet that you (and everyone who roots for your chosen team) would gladly welcome him to your campus with a parade the likes of which your town has never seen. Before lunch, of course.
June 26th, 2008 at 7:56 am
34
willet says:
I get sick of Weis’s Assholier than thou attitude
June 26th, 2008 at 1:55 pm