INTERMITTENT COUNTDOWN: 64
Men and women are limited not by the place of their birth, not by the color of their skin, but by the size of their hope.
June 25, 2008
MUSTACHE WEDNESDAY: EURO 2008 EDITION
This edition of Mustache Wednesday brought to you by Euro 2008 and today’s match between Germany and Turkey.
Rudy Voeller for Germany:
VISITING LECTURER: ROCK M NATION ON MISSOURI
Teams: there are a lot of them. In our effort to bring you the finest “bullshit” coverage of college football, our Visiting Lecturer Series today welcomes the boys from Rock M Nation, SBN’s fine Missouri blog. They slang it like Chase Daniels delivering pizzas or footballs, since we all know he is really a 35 year old pizza deliveryman moonlighting as a brilliant spread qb.
One: what color is your season? In other words, please explain the metaphorical state of your program through the metaphor of color:
Well, if you happen to take a gander at this scoreboard, it might be easy to assume that Mizzou’s 2008 season could be construed as a certain shade of orange. But after what many perceived to be a golden season last year, that hue has started to fade as the fan base turns their attention to business in 2008. This year, it’s all about black and white. 12 wins were a thing of beauty for a fan base in desperate need of some success and some national spotlight, but this year, expectations are set. Win the Big 12 and be a player on the national stage - no shades of grey. And, if you want to take it out of context and use another form of black and white, who am I to judge?
Two: What historical nation and period do you resemble most right now?
Missouri: smoking, full of potential.This was a tough one, but I’ll stick by present day Emerging China. Both China and the Missouri football team are having to get a feel for new found power and respect, and a lot of eyes are focused their way waiting to see how they conduct their business. In addition, no one is quite sure what to expect from them in the future.
Case in point:
“Anyone who gives a straight-line prediction about where China will be in 20 years is making it up.” — Heritage.org
Anyone who can give you a prediction on where the Mizzou football program will be in 20 years is hitting a Missouri pride point a little too hard. Plus, if Missouri is going to emerge, it wants to do it with the borders sealed, monopolizing on its own people (especially since Missouri lacks a major D1 school in-state with which to compete).
Three: You have important players. Discuss a few of them hastily.
Everyone should know the names Chase Daniel, Jeremy Maclin, and William Moore. All three are popping up on All-American lists across publications and Web sites everywhere. All three are important, and losing any of the three could be a devastating blow. (more…)
THAT IS NOT NECESSARILY A PR PROBLEM
Human. Shocking.Hayes on Weis in a well-rounded…um, “three-dimensional” profile of the coach:
“The biggest problem I have,” Weis says, “is people who don’t know me, who have never spoken to me, think I’m an asshole.”
Again, where this is a problem for a highly-paid coach, we don’t know. The difficult part in any perspective piece on a coach or player is the Uncertainty Principle, the fact that interviewing that person causes them to behave differently and force the bromides out of everyone around them, since no one’s going to stand up and say “God, that man is retarded and fond of barbecuing live ferrets for lunch.”
It does give some take a fair amount of brainpower, though, to hold two contradictory ideas in the head simultaneously. Weis might be an asshole to all but 14 people in this world; Mark Mangino might manage to have come up the hard way, worked two jobs for thirty years, been a dedicated father, and still wound up being loathed and feared by most people who have contact with him. It is a very real thing to assume being a real, live person means being complex, potentially unlikeable, or even likeable and an asshole simultaneously. With people being polymorphously perverse as they are, all of the above are possible, since being human often involves being complex, problematic, and difficult to understand.
Pardon the digression, though. We now return to the standard dynamic of worshiping athletes and coaches or hating them outright. Apologies for the interruption of service.
FULMER CUPDATE: ROOOOOOOOOOOOLL TAAAAAHDE.
The most stunning event in the history of the Fulmer Cup places Alabama at the pinnacle of offseason feloniousness. Update brought to you by Brian, who is hung like Reggie F’n Nelson and as tenacious as a Jimmy Johns pit bull.
Jimmy Johns’ monumental arrest for powdered cocaine distribution nets Alabama a mountain of points as powdery as Breckenridge in February and just as immovable. (more…)
CURIOUS INDEX, 6/25/08
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No nudists or plushies in the stands, please. UCF bans drinking after kickoff because fans, perfectly content to drink outside in the parking lot, failed to fill the stadium to administration’s specs last season while engaging in “alternative activities” in the parking lot. “We want people to enjoy the game once kickoff starts . . . not to be outdoors engaging in alternative behaviors,” said athletic department spokesman Joe Hornstein. A vicious picture of debauchery, that UCF parking lot. Gimps, please park in lot D. Cosplay fetishists, please do not bring your outfits inside, and all voltage freaks remember rubber shoes are required for proper grounding. Nudists, for the last time, please remember you are welcome in the stadium, but put a goddamn towel down, will you?
He forgives them all. Tim Tebow is less popular than pornography. Oh, yeah? What has porn ever done for the Philippines, huh? Exactly what it does for Americans, basically? Oh, that’s quite a lot. Comments redacted. It remains division one football! Colorado’s attendance for summer workouts is pushing triple digits, which predictably has Dan Hawkins ALL-CAPS EXCITED. “I think the biggest improvement is in the whole team chemistry and morale,” he said. “Guys are picking themselves up through the workouts. You don’t have guys bending over so much anymore and guys aren’t really pouting so much. I think guys are really working hard through the workouts and I Good to know the days of Colorado bending over and pouting the whole time are over–you just hate it when a partner’s like that. The Buffs have not huddled once in 7-on-7 drills, meaning their offense, if not massively effective this fall, will at least be very annoying for defenses. That’s got to count for something. Correction: that is Cody, not Dan Hawkins, saluting the lack of bending over. Arigato, Allbuffs. ATV ads all look the same after a while. The SEC Network remains a distinct possibility, according to Mike Slive. Subcranial antenna plan not available yet, but when it comes online, they’ll sell out within hours. An SEC fan would suggest there will be none of the tussling and dick-measuring contests that ensued with the Big Ten network, but this means there will be exactly the kind of tussling, but possibly worse since the demand will be even greater in the Southeast for such a network. If you doubt this, try to reconcile a billing issue with Comcast yourself, and you will taste the kind of fire we’re talking about. Doug has you nodding like Alberto Gonzales at a White House Staff Meeting, baby, at his Dennis Miller preview. |
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