JIMMY JOHNS OF ALABAMA: CALL HIM THE SNOWMAN
Jimmy Johns of Alabama, arrested for powder cocaine distribution for Alabama. Remember, it’s gotta be powdered, because them rock boys just roll while you slang the snow. Also, because crack is for poor people. You must never forget this.
Asked for the specific charges, Kosloff said he believed the Brookhaven, Miss., native was arrested and charged with seven “drug-related” charges, including selling.
Police allege cocaine and marijuana are involved, Kosloff said.
Johns had moved from running back to “linebacker,” a term with numerous double entendres in light of the alleged charges. More to come, but we won’t use this as an excuse to post Dr. Rockso videos no we won’t we I DO COCAAAAAAAAAINE!!!! GONNA MAKE YOU A BALLOOOOOOON ANIMAAAAAAL!!!!
Seriously, he does a lot of cocaine.
Update: Mug shot with fierce beard. Worse news still: we’re going to have to have Brian rework the board again, because Alabama may have just taken a huge leap forward in the Fulmer Cup standings. (Five felony possession charges alone= FIFTEEN points. Digits, baby!)
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51
WarCardinals says:
“I told you the scholarship thing would work out just fine, aight?” – Nick Saban
June 24th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
52
weagle251 says:
#39
err… #14. Have you forgotten the National Recruiting Title already?
June 24th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
53
CincySooner says:
#39
Don’t kid yourself,
Bama claimed the 2008 National Title three years ago after completing a pass in the 2nd quarter against Ole Miss.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
54
dudis41 says:
gerry @ 20…
Five times??? Is this dude supplying the entire SEC??? They must have suspected him to be BIG time if they wanted five sales to bust his ass…
June 24th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
55
Kenny says:
Just to get this out of the way, AU’s Robert Baker got early release from his drug charges, had a run in the NFL, NFL-e and spent some time in the CFL before turning to a surely lucrative rap career:
http://www.myspace.com/sssport305com
So worry not, JJ fans, some good might come of this.
Will Saban squirm when someone asks if this is why Johns wasn’t on the field last year? That’s sure to be another uncomfortable moment in UA presser history.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
56
TAFKastOSUB says:
When are you all going to realize what I have been trying to say for years. Alabama is a shit hole of a program that care about nothing except winning a national championship so they can brag about it…as if it makes up for all the other fucked up things about the state of Alabama.
Let’s run down a quick list of events at Alabama over the last ten years…none of which involved championships, Heisman award winners, or really anything positive.
1. Placed on probation for the second largest number of infractions since SMU and nearly given the death penalty.
2. Rouge booster ends up dead in his own house shortly after.
3. Coach Fran leaves under the cover of darkness to avoid being stoned to death for leaving.
4. Coach Price is caught in a hotel with a $2 stripper while down at the redneck Riviera.
5. Mike Shula is hired and then treated like a red-headed step child for not winning enough, despite not having the full compliment of scholarships and ZERO head coaching experience.
6. Saban is hired under very strange and somewhat sickening circumstances.
7. Order is supposedly restored and Bama is back for the 100th time.
8. Saban over signs and starts bending rules in recruiting.
9. Arrests by the dozens follow…armed robbery, drug dealing, public drunkenness, etc.
Despite all of that….EVERY ALABAMA FAN WILL STILL TELL YOU THAT ALABAMA HAS MORE NC’s THAN ANYONE AND IS THE BEST PROGRAM IN THE COUNTRY…
Go. Fuck. Off.
Please leave the NCAA and leave college football all together…
June 24th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
57
JeffAU says:
And, at 12:10 Tuscaloosa time, the story goes national:
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=3458871
June 24th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
58
TAFKastOSUB says:
I left out Namath and Stabler…they sure have done well to represent the fine university of Alabama…
Oh, and by the way, your 2007 recruiting class is over-rated…nothing more than Rivals and Scout trying to pull memberships in…
June 24th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
59
Der Schatten says:
#32: Judicial notice. Every Boog’s presentence report has the exact same facts.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
60
Der Schatten says:
WOW. TAFKastOSUB:
Shouldn’t you change your name to TAFKastOSUB d/b/a tUOS?
June 24th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
61
gerry dorsey says:
@ dudis41
and that was only in the last week and a half…2 of which were on campus.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
62
TAFKastOSUB says:
I guess Saban was right…no one needs to worry about how he is going to make room for all of the extra kids he signed…he “has a process in place for that and it is already all been worked out.”
Thanks Nick. You’re a perfect fit for the perfect shit hole university.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
63
Downtown Plainsman says:
(:swiftly tapping synchronizing fingers together in a wave-like motion, feet on-top of desk:)
Now things are getting intersting. Yess, yesssss!
June 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
64
Jack Mihoff says:
Wow TAFKastOSUB, you must have been beaten by Alabama fans as a child. I haven’t seen an Auburn fan with that much hate for Alabama.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
65
really says:
Seriously, TAFKastOSUB? Why don’t you cry about it, pussy?
June 24th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
66
Knowshon says:
Wow, Jimmy is busy as hell and its summer vacation. Can you imagine how much blow he sold to SAEs and DKEs during fall semester.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
67
dudis41 says:
@ gerry…
Man, part of me thinks this is not the end of the story. Why not bust him at the first sale?…
June 24th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
68
gerry dorsey says:
dudis41,
i can only assume in an effort to track down jj’s distributor. given that jj was far to stupid to figure out what was going on, why not string him along???
June 24th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
69
yoyofutbawl says:
Remember that Mr Johns suspiciously withdrew his committment to Starksville, stating, if memory serves me correctly, that Bammer had a better “business skool”.
He no doubt became a proficient “businessman” but I don’t think he spent much time learning about it in Bidgood Hall.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
70
TIGERinATL says:
I have never understood why tOSU is so bitter toward UA, other than that he lives in that shithole of a state. (As an escapee myself, I can certainly relate) However, his summary of Alabama’s recent “tradition” is spot on.
As it has been for the last 25 years, the vast majority of bright spots are the SIGNING of players and coaches. The actual production of said personnel has been somewhat less than stellar.
+1 chopblock to you, my psychopathic friend.
Always remember, folks: Houndstooth is for homos.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
71
Out of Conference says:
#64 – I don’t think it is that he was beaten by Bama fans as a child so much as his team was whipped by SEC teams in general throughout its history.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
72
gerry dorsey says:
@ yoyofutbawl,
i think that’s called “identifying one’s market.” i have to imagine there is a much better market for coke in t’town than starkpatch.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
73
hobeg8r says:
I’ve always “enjoyed” the Fulmer Cup because – for the most part – the arrests were fairly minor in the scheme of things.
This one just makes me sick. If he doesn’t turn on his supplier, he is facing real jail time [see Troy Hambrick]. That is undoubtedly why they allowed him to make repeated sales. If he turns informant, he places his life at risk. His college football career is over.
The whole thing is stupid, stupid, stupid. However, I do not gloat when I see a young black athlete screw up his life so royally. If you have ever spent some time out in Muck City, you can almost understand how this culture exists. With US Sugar leaving, it will only get worse. There were 2 tickets out of town – drugs or football. Now there is only drugs.
I’m now climbing down off my soapbox.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
74
St. Daywalker says:
methinks the TAFKastOSUB is bitterly disappointed that Alabama is less of a shithole than Ohio.
Get help, dude.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
75
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
Dude, Jax State is gonna be freakin loaded next year with Perrilloux and Johns added to the roster
June 24th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
76
Tater Salad says:
This story no doubt somehow involves TennStud, Perriloux and Tray Blackmon.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
77
UFJim says:
coke so fast youll freak
June 24th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
78
pz says:
I think the 15/18 point estimates are underestimating this performance. Based on my read of the rap sheet:
3 pts x 5 counts of distribution = 15 pts
+3 pts for possession
+1 pt for driving with suspended license
+1 pt for driving w/o seatbelt
+1 pt for style
I’m counting 21 points here…
June 24th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
79
kt says:
What a waste of talent and opportunity…
June 24th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
80
blon57 says:
#73
UT had several players arrested for drug use last year. The saddest part was that these kids threw away a college education and possibly a chance at a good job because of the arrest that will stay on their record. I don’t know if any were NFL prospects but one was (I believe) a 4 or 5-star recruit. He obviously had a lot of talent.
What a waste.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
81
Tater Salad says:
In all seriousness, this is an incredible waste. If he had kept his nose clean and worked hard, he probably could have made an NFL roster, at least for special teams or scout team. Even if he didn’t, he’d have had a degree, for free, instead of smiling for the cameras from Lockup.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
82
TAFKastOSUB says:
Case and point…not that an al.com message board is representative of the entire fan base…but it’s close enough.
All they care about is who’s next and who’s going to replace John’s…like I said, the general population in the state of Alabama only care about one thing…bragging rights. But I guess when you are just about dead last in every major statistical category (primary education, crime, average income, etc.), bragging rights over a mythical championship means something.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
83
John says:
Incredible! A thread relating to Alabama has gone 82 posts and it hasn’t dissolved into an Tide-Auburn pissing match!
June 24th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
84
TAFKastOSUB says:
A 21 point entry would set a couple of records for Alabama and the SEC.
1. It would push the SEC over the top in All-Time Fulmer Cup Points. Currently: Big 10: 162, SEC:159
2. It would put Alabama at the top of the list for All-Time points by single school. Currently: Illinois: 35, Alabama: 37.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
85
Tater Salad says:
I bet you’re a treat at parties.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
86
tempebamafan says:
to any all criminal lawya’s reading this.
does the 4th amendment come into play here? 5 charges for the same crime? how common is it for a local PD, not federal agency like DEA, to conduct something like this? dont they typically make a buy, followed by a bust? not wait a week and a half and make 4 additional buys? i understand the possibility of piling on the charges to make him turn states evidence, but they immediately publicized the arrest, he’s not going to get any of his dealers caught in the act now, can he? so with that said, does he have any constitutional challenge to the five charges for the same crime?
June 24th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
87
TAFKastOSUB says:
I think everyone should tune into the Finebaum show today…should be a blast!!!!
http://www.finebaum.com/
June 24th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
88
Erdinger says:
TAFKastOSUB = Jim Delany
June 24th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
89
Brian O'Blivion says:
Jimmy Johns: I’m not a businessman, I’m a business, man!
June 24th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
90
hobeg8r says:
#86 – I would imagine that the PD got a search warrant (4th Amendment) before they searched his house.
If you are asking about entrapment (14th Amendment) – multiple buys are made all of the time. The issue there is whether or not the PD coerced him into selling drugs when he wouldn’t have otherwise done it. If you are a drug dealer [by trade], it is nearly impossible to prove that you were coerced into selling drugs. That is especially true if he had a large amount of drugs in his home. Chances are – they caught someone with drugs – who turned him in as his/her dealer.
You are right, though. It is usually the feds that are involved in this. Usually local police only handle possessions – not drug dealing.
It doesn’t look good for him. Chances are he will plead out to 1 or 2 felony counts and name names. The only good thing is that he was selling powder and not crack. Sentencing is typically harsher for crack than cocaine. (There is a racial bias in drug-sentencing laws IMHO). The fact that the arrest was made public doesn’t change the fact that he can still name his supplier.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
91
NewAZTiger says:
Farktacular.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
92
Don Imas says:
What color is he?
June 24th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
93
Rick James says:
Shit, if i’d have known ‘bama rolled like that I’d have been there in a Mother fucking minute. I’d be rich bitch!!!!
June 24th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
94
Jimmy Johns says:
Look at what else I sell.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
95
blon57 says:
#41
As tragic as this is for this kid, it is always a good day when there is a Barry Switzer/illegal activity/immoral behavior reference.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
96
jwoolf1 says:
So here’s how ‘Bama’s linebacker core stands. Or rather, doesn’t.
Sr. Jimmy Johns — Quoth Nick Saban, taking a leisurely minute away from his annual 5-hour family vacation (per UA media relations): “Jimmy Johns has been dismissed from the team. This type of behavior obviously will not be tolerated and he is no longer a part of our program.” His eyes then glowed with the Omega Effect, and miles away, Jimmy Johns was incinerated where he stood.
Sr. Ezekial Knight — Likely to be declared medically ineligible because his heart could explode at any given second, without warning, during taxing activities such as reclining into cushions and breathing normally. May transfer to Jax State because team doctors there will allow players with severe medical conditions to play after signing a liability waiver. Both sentences are, tragically and shamelessly, true.
Jr. Prince Hall — in the midst of an “indefinite suspension” for breaking team rules, and has not been allowed to work out or practice with the team since February. Saban says the “door is open” and that Prince “knows what he needs to do” to come back (likely, be born again as a 5-star freshman recruit with a 4.2 GPA and forty time who is not named “Prince Hall”). Says he’s working to come back, but he won’t be on the team until at least August 5th (end of summer classes, which maybe he should be attending). From California; has “surfer’s attitude” (read: a bong made out of a tackle dummy, probably). Never adjusted to life in Tuscaloosa, except for the choice weed.
So. Rolando McClain — all-world freshman in ‘07, the next great Tide linebacker, and thrilling stuntbiker from the Ben Rothlisberger/Super Dave Osborne school of Vehicular Self-Immolation. Expected to recover fully from his recent motorcycle accident (as running headfirst into Darren McFadden teaches you, helmet make brains good more-er), though won’t be full speed until late summer, assuming he sticks the landing following a tentative July 4th rocket-sled leap over the Black Warrior River.
So. Charlie Higgenbotham — Hard at work in strength and conditioning program, fetching Ebenezer Scrooge the fattest goose in the market! Blimey, guv’nah!
June 24th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
97
Jack Mihoff says:
Hold on a minute TAFKastOSUB. Let’s examine the evidence.
1. He hates Alabama. (Not really narrowing it down yet)
2. He listens to Finebaum (closer..)
3. He apparently spends alot of time on the AL.com forums.
I smell an Auburn fan in sheep’s anus.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
98
JeffAU says:
@95
Happy to be of service.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
99
blon57 says:
#98
Please fell free to interject one at any given time. They are just so…lovely.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
100
NewAZTiger says:
#96 – beautiful.
I hope Robbie Knievel is watching.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:43 pm