JIMMY JOHNS OF ALABAMA: CALL HIM THE SNOWMAN
Jimmy Johns of Alabama, arrested for powder cocaine distribution for Alabama. Remember, it’s gotta be powdered, because them rock boys just roll while you slang the snow. Also, because crack is for poor people. You must never forget this.
Asked for the specific charges, Kosloff said he believed the Brookhaven, Miss., native was arrested and charged with seven “drug-related” charges, including selling.
Police allege cocaine and marijuana are involved, Kosloff said.
Johns had moved from running back to “linebacker,” a term with numerous double entendres in light of the alleged charges. More to come, but we won’t use this as an excuse to post Dr. Rockso videos no we won’t we I DO COCAAAAAAAAAINE!!!! GONNA MAKE YOU A BALLOOOOOOON ANIMAAAAAAL!!!!
Seriously, he does a lot of cocaine.
Update: Mug shot with fierce beard. Worse news still: we’re going to have to have Brian rework the board again, because Alabama may have just taken a huge leap forward in the Fulmer Cup standings. (Five felony possession charges alone= FIFTEEN points. Digits, baby!)
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1
GamecockTony says:
So THAT’S why his subs are so addicting!
June 24th, 2008 at 10:55 am
2
Bamaleg says:
Damn.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:56 am
3
Bill says:
Well, there’s another open scholarship.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:57 am
4
Flibbetigibbet says:
Ah, Tuscaloser, home of spoiled cokehead brats from Mountain Brook and the football player thugs who deal to them. I’d call it an armpit, but that’s a couple of feet two high up in normal anatomy…
June 24th, 2008 at 10:57 am
5
Nathan Explosion says:
That’s so… BRUTAL
June 24th, 2008 at 10:59 am
6
Todd says:
How completely fucking stupid do you have to be to be a big name athelete at a big name school to do this kind of shit? Fuck the whole “he’s on my team” bit, ’cause I’d still feel this way if it was an Auburn player. Way to ruin your life Johns. Fucking retard.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:02 am
7
Kenny Stabler says:
Looks like the oversigning is going to work out just fine… i hope that motherf*cker rots… How many chances can one turd get? I guess at Bama it’s more than it should be…
June 24th, 2008 at 11:02 am
8
dudis41 says:
Looks like a Gargantuan amount of Fulmer Cup points…
Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:03 am
9
Kenny Stabler says:
oh, and roll tide… fuck…
June 24th, 2008 at 11:04 am
10
alanon says:
this is a nice strategy by saban to free up some space for the incoming class. i only wish johns would bless us with a desparation “i was framed” comment and elude to saban.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:06 am
11
jwoolf1 says:
In Jimmy’s defense, the University has recently announced the intention to bring Coke vendors back to Bryant Denny. (Please tell me “golden flake” isn’t the street name of any hard narcotics.)
From running back, to outside lineback, to interred tight-end. Sigh.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:06 am
12
Tater Salad says:
Now he can go back to fullback and block for Sherman Williams.
Mother fucker.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:11 am
13
Boardmaster Brian says:
Hopefully, Saban has time for this shit.
@12 — Tater, that was the funniest comment evar.
Now I have to go flex my Photoshop fingers in preparation for this update.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:14 am
14
bamafanintigerland says:
Well at least no one can bitch about Jimmy Johns not getting enough carries or playing time anymore.
What a fucktard, I mean really.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:15 am
15
ben says:
just watched the cartoon attachment… did somebody dose me?
June 24th, 2008 at 11:17 am
16
phil says:
Trouble ahead, trouble behind…
June 24th, 2008 at 11:18 am
17
Kenny says:
Comments to follow in thread:
“Parole tide”
“Six in a row”
“Tubberville…young men with character”
June 24th, 2008 at 11:21 am
18
Kenny says:
Also, fuck Jimmy!
June 24th, 2008 at 11:22 am
19
John says:
Is Johns in the lead for the Ellis T. Jones Award?
June 24th, 2008 at 11:22 am
20
Lawrence Ross says:
Forget the drug charges, I’m more upset that he was driving without his seat belt being on.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:24 am
21
gerry dorsey says:
word is he sold to undercover 5 times in the last week…hence the 5 counts of distribution.
what the fuck did he do with all that sandwich money???
June 24th, 2008 at 11:24 am
22
King Harvest says:
I’m with you Lawrence Ross, CLICK IT or TICKET fucker!
June 24th, 2008 at 11:26 am
23
PW says:
I realize that selling cocaine is a serious charge, but does anyone doubt that Saban would’ve still kicked him off the team if this had been jaywalking or pulling the tag off of a mattress?
June 24th, 2008 at 11:28 am
24
pz says:
Anyone else find it ironic that the Alabama blog linked is called “The Rap Sheet” ?
June 24th, 2008 at 11:29 am
25
gerry dorsey says:
pw – jj doesn’t get kicked off the team for anything short of a felony…bama is huuuuurrrrrrrrting for lb’s
June 24th, 2008 at 11:31 am
26
Boardmaster Brian says:
This is not a case of ESS-EEE-SEE SPEEEEED.
Johns had SEC Cocaine, SEC Marijuana and SEC Ecstacy, but no SEC Speed.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:31 am
27
Der Schatten says:
#4, sigh, I guess when you’re huffing granny’s ben-gay in the Opelika trailer you share with your gouty dogs and sister-mother, some sweet rails and a pimp pad in Mountain Brook ARE terrible things, eh?
June 24th, 2008 at 11:32 am
28
EZ says:
$ from coke dealing plus the $100 handshakes. this guy was making bank!
June 24th, 2008 at 11:33 am
29
Doug says:
Clearly, this is all just part of an Auburn conspiracy.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:37 am
30
Dumpster Baby says:
So he’ll be suspended for BOTH halfs of the La-Monroe game this year?
June 24th, 2008 at 11:38 am
31
Dumpster Baby says:
Yes 28, everyone know all the cops in Tuscaloosa are Auburn fans…
Duh
June 24th, 2008 at 11:39 am
32
BamaCPA says:
This Fulmer Cup stuff suddenly isn’t that entertaining anymore.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:39 am
33
Downtown Plainsman says:
#26
Link?
June 24th, 2008 at 11:39 am
34
Kenny says:
23- I am not sure how it is ironic, but it is definitely apropos to the current situation.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:40 am
35
ryan says:
gerry at #20
the undercover was clearly an auburn grad who had fulmer cup standings in mind.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:41 am
36
PeteJayhawk says:
The best part? The Tuscaloosa police chief’s name is Ken Swindle.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:41 am
37
FW Barner says:
@ 26
Noooooooo
“Sweet rails” and “Mountain Brook pads” are so Keewwllll…
June 24th, 2008 at 11:43 am
38
Jack Mihoff says:
I can see the headline now:
Fulmer Cupdate Bama’s Back! edition
or
Fulmer Cupdate He’s rollin’ baby!
June 24th, 2008 at 11:50 am
39
The Juice says:
FYI It is Five counts of distribution and One count of possession therefore it should be 18 POINTS to the Fulmer Cup.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:51 am
40
ATL AU Tiger says:
#16 – actually, It’s “Tuberville”………………
and you know, after seeing a replay of the 2004 Auburn-LSU game on CSS last night, he doesn’t do so bad against Nick Saban when Saban HAS talent and “his own” players, obviously, so….no platitudes from me.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:52 am
41
JeffAU says:
First, a d-Lineman is arrested for holding up another student at gunpoint.
Then a can’t-miss uberhuman prospect at QB/RB/LB gets arrested for dealing.
It was all the news last month that Saban brought in a motivational speaker. I failed to notice that it was Barry Switzer.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:53 am
42
BamaTaxMan says:
To quote our host:
Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Stupid sumbitch.
Oh, and can we count the Fulmer Cup as national title #13.
(At this point, all I can do is laugh-and wonder just HOW stupid some of these kids today can be)
June 24th, 2008 at 11:55 am
43
Kenny says:
36. LOL! It would have to Bama’s back! Comment of the day.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:58 am
44
Junior04 says:
#7 –
Snake – you above all should know that when it comes to Crimson Turds, you get as many chances as possible. Maybe you and Broadway Joe can buy him a beer or two at Gallettes when he’s bailed out. But no driving, ok?
June 24th, 2008 at 11:58 am
45
Hayley Lafontaine is a Dumpster Muffin says:
So is it now going to be the Ellis T. Jones award sponsored by Jimmy Johns?
June 24th, 2008 at 11:59 am
46
Don Imus says:
This is bullshit, this is a good kid. He didn’t do anything wrong. The TPD is obviously picking on him because he is African American. Distributing coke or not, this is harsh!
June 24th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
47
CincySooner says:
#18
The top three in the ETJ3 race are now:
1) Jimmy Johns – Alabama – 15 points for drugs
2) Enrique Robertson – Illinois – 11 points for guns
3) John Stull – Mizzou – 10 points for drugs
June 24th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
48
gerry dorsey says:
“Then a can’t-miss uberhuman prospect at QB/RB/LB gets arrested for dealing”
IF he was ever “can’t miss” or “uberhuman” he lost those tags a loooong time ago.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
49
Flibbetigibbet says:
Some of the better one-liners going around in boardland:
“Jimmy sells crack, and we don’t care…”
Jimmy Johns: Better Ingredients, Better Crack.
… and from a Turd, who gets full credit for self-awareness: “That’s what happens when we quit paying them. You never saw this problem when Dubose was down there!”
More details here from the Tuscaloser News:
http://www.tidesports.com/article/20080624/NEWS/168614056/1011
June 24th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
50
Jack Mihoff says:
Don’t forget kids. It pays to buckle up.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
51
WarCardinals says:
“I told you the scholarship thing would work out just fine, aight?” – Nick Saban
June 24th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
52
weagle251 says:
#39
err… #14. Have you forgotten the National Recruiting Title already?
June 24th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
53
CincySooner says:
#39
Don’t kid yourself,
Bama claimed the 2008 National Title three years ago after completing a pass in the 2nd quarter against Ole Miss.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
54
dudis41 says:
gerry @ 20…
Five times??? Is this dude supplying the entire SEC??? They must have suspected him to be BIG time if they wanted five sales to bust his ass…
June 24th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
55
Kenny says:
Just to get this out of the way, AU’s Robert Baker got early release from his drug charges, had a run in the NFL, NFL-e and spent some time in the CFL before turning to a surely lucrative rap career:
http://www.myspace.com/sssport305com
So worry not, JJ fans, some good might come of this.
Will Saban squirm when someone asks if this is why Johns wasn’t on the field last year? That’s sure to be another uncomfortable moment in UA presser history.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
56
TAFKastOSUB says:
When are you all going to realize what I have been trying to say for years. Alabama is a shit hole of a program that care about nothing except winning a national championship so they can brag about it…as if it makes up for all the other fucked up things about the state of Alabama.
Let’s run down a quick list of events at Alabama over the last ten years…none of which involved championships, Heisman award winners, or really anything positive.
1. Placed on probation for the second largest number of infractions since SMU and nearly given the death penalty.
2. Rouge booster ends up dead in his own house shortly after.
3. Coach Fran leaves under the cover of darkness to avoid being stoned to death for leaving.
4. Coach Price is caught in a hotel with a $2 stripper while down at the redneck Riviera.
5. Mike Shula is hired and then treated like a red-headed step child for not winning enough, despite not having the full compliment of scholarships and ZERO head coaching experience.
6. Saban is hired under very strange and somewhat sickening circumstances.
7. Order is supposedly restored and Bama is back for the 100th time.
8. Saban over signs and starts bending rules in recruiting.
9. Arrests by the dozens follow…armed robbery, drug dealing, public drunkenness, etc.
Despite all of that….EVERY ALABAMA FAN WILL STILL TELL YOU THAT ALABAMA HAS MORE NC’s THAN ANYONE AND IS THE BEST PROGRAM IN THE COUNTRY…
Go. Fuck. Off.
Please leave the NCAA and leave college football all together…
June 24th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
57
JeffAU says:
And, at 12:10 Tuscaloosa time, the story goes national:
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=3458871
June 24th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
58
TAFKastOSUB says:
I left out Namath and Stabler…they sure have done well to represent the fine university of Alabama…
Oh, and by the way, your 2007 recruiting class is over-rated…nothing more than Rivals and Scout trying to pull memberships in…
June 24th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
59
Der Schatten says:
#32: Judicial notice. Every Boog’s presentence report has the exact same facts.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
60
Der Schatten says:
WOW. TAFKastOSUB:
Shouldn’t you change your name to TAFKastOSUB d/b/a tUOS?
June 24th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
61
gerry dorsey says:
@ dudis41
and that was only in the last week and a half…2 of which were on campus.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
62
TAFKastOSUB says:
I guess Saban was right…no one needs to worry about how he is going to make room for all of the extra kids he signed…he “has a process in place for that and it is already all been worked out.”
Thanks Nick. You’re a perfect fit for the perfect shit hole university.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
63
Downtown Plainsman says:
(:swiftly tapping synchronizing fingers together in a wave-like motion, feet on-top of desk:)
Now things are getting intersting. Yess, yesssss!
June 24th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
64
Jack Mihoff says:
Wow TAFKastOSUB, you must have been beaten by Alabama fans as a child. I haven’t seen an Auburn fan with that much hate for Alabama.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
65
really says:
Seriously, TAFKastOSUB? Why don’t you cry about it, pussy?
June 24th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
66
Knowshon says:
Wow, Jimmy is busy as hell and its summer vacation. Can you imagine how much blow he sold to SAEs and DKEs during fall semester.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
67
dudis41 says:
@ gerry…
Man, part of me thinks this is not the end of the story. Why not bust him at the first sale?…
June 24th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
68
gerry dorsey says:
dudis41,
i can only assume in an effort to track down jj’s distributor. given that jj was far to stupid to figure out what was going on, why not string him along???
June 24th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
69
yoyofutbawl says:
Remember that Mr Johns suspiciously withdrew his committment to Starksville, stating, if memory serves me correctly, that Bammer had a better “business skool”.
He no doubt became a proficient “businessman” but I don’t think he spent much time learning about it in Bidgood Hall.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
70
TIGERinATL says:
I have never understood why tOSU is so bitter toward UA, other than that he lives in that shithole of a state. (As an escapee myself, I can certainly relate) However, his summary of Alabama’s recent “tradition” is spot on.
As it has been for the last 25 years, the vast majority of bright spots are the SIGNING of players and coaches. The actual production of said personnel has been somewhat less than stellar.
+1 chopblock to you, my psychopathic friend.
Always remember, folks: Houndstooth is for homos.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
71
Out of Conference says:
#64 – I don’t think it is that he was beaten by Bama fans as a child so much as his team was whipped by SEC teams in general throughout its history.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
72
gerry dorsey says:
@ yoyofutbawl,
i think that’s called “identifying one’s market.” i have to imagine there is a much better market for coke in t’town than starkpatch.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
73
hobeg8r says:
I’ve always “enjoyed” the Fulmer Cup because – for the most part – the arrests were fairly minor in the scheme of things.
This one just makes me sick. If he doesn’t turn on his supplier, he is facing real jail time [see Troy Hambrick]. That is undoubtedly why they allowed him to make repeated sales. If he turns informant, he places his life at risk. His college football career is over.
The whole thing is stupid, stupid, stupid. However, I do not gloat when I see a young black athlete screw up his life so royally. If you have ever spent some time out in Muck City, you can almost understand how this culture exists. With US Sugar leaving, it will only get worse. There were 2 tickets out of town – drugs or football. Now there is only drugs.
I’m now climbing down off my soapbox.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
74
St. Daywalker says:
methinks the TAFKastOSUB is bitterly disappointed that Alabama is less of a shithole than Ohio.
Get help, dude.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
75
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
Dude, Jax State is gonna be freakin loaded next year with Perrilloux and Johns added to the roster
June 24th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
76
Tater Salad says:
This story no doubt somehow involves TennStud, Perriloux and Tray Blackmon.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
77
UFJim says:
coke so fast youll freak
June 24th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
78
pz says:
I think the 15/18 point estimates are underestimating this performance. Based on my read of the rap sheet:
3 pts x 5 counts of distribution = 15 pts
+3 pts for possession
+1 pt for driving with suspended license
+1 pt for driving w/o seatbelt
+1 pt for style
I’m counting 21 points here…
June 24th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
79
kt says:
What a waste of talent and opportunity…
June 24th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
80
blon57 says:
#73
UT had several players arrested for drug use last year. The saddest part was that these kids threw away a college education and possibly a chance at a good job because of the arrest that will stay on their record. I don’t know if any were NFL prospects but one was (I believe) a 4 or 5-star recruit. He obviously had a lot of talent.
What a waste.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:35 pm
81
Tater Salad says:
In all seriousness, this is an incredible waste. If he had kept his nose clean and worked hard, he probably could have made an NFL roster, at least for special teams or scout team. Even if he didn’t, he’d have had a degree, for free, instead of smiling for the cameras from Lockup.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
82
TAFKastOSUB says:
Case and point…not that an al.com message board is representative of the entire fan base…but it’s close enough.
All they care about is who’s next and who’s going to replace John’s…like I said, the general population in the state of Alabama only care about one thing…bragging rights. But I guess when you are just about dead last in every major statistical category (primary education, crime, average income, etc.), bragging rights over a mythical championship means something.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
83
John says:
Incredible! A thread relating to Alabama has gone 82 posts and it hasn’t dissolved into an Tide-Auburn pissing match!
June 24th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
84
TAFKastOSUB says:
A 21 point entry would set a couple of records for Alabama and the SEC.
1. It would push the SEC over the top in All-Time Fulmer Cup Points. Currently: Big 10: 162, SEC:159
2. It would put Alabama at the top of the list for All-Time points by single school. Currently: Illinois: 35, Alabama: 37.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
85
Tater Salad says:
I bet you’re a treat at parties.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
86
tempebamafan says:
to any all criminal lawya’s reading this.
does the 4th amendment come into play here? 5 charges for the same crime? how common is it for a local PD, not federal agency like DEA, to conduct something like this? dont they typically make a buy, followed by a bust? not wait a week and a half and make 4 additional buys? i understand the possibility of piling on the charges to make him turn states evidence, but they immediately publicized the arrest, he’s not going to get any of his dealers caught in the act now, can he? so with that said, does he have any constitutional challenge to the five charges for the same crime?
June 24th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
87
TAFKastOSUB says:
I think everyone should tune into the Finebaum show today…should be a blast!!!!
http://www.finebaum.com/
June 24th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
88
Erdinger says:
TAFKastOSUB = Jim Delany
June 24th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
89
Brian O'Blivion says:
Jimmy Johns: I’m not a businessman, I’m a business, man!
June 24th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
90
hobeg8r says:
#86 – I would imagine that the PD got a search warrant (4th Amendment) before they searched his house.
If you are asking about entrapment (14th Amendment) – multiple buys are made all of the time. The issue there is whether or not the PD coerced him into selling drugs when he wouldn’t have otherwise done it. If you are a drug dealer [by trade], it is nearly impossible to prove that you were coerced into selling drugs. That is especially true if he had a large amount of drugs in his home. Chances are – they caught someone with drugs – who turned him in as his/her dealer.
You are right, though. It is usually the feds that are involved in this. Usually local police only handle possessions – not drug dealing.
It doesn’t look good for him. Chances are he will plead out to 1 or 2 felony counts and name names. The only good thing is that he was selling powder and not crack. Sentencing is typically harsher for crack than cocaine. (There is a racial bias in drug-sentencing laws IMHO). The fact that the arrest was made public doesn’t change the fact that he can still name his supplier.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
91
NewAZTiger says:
Farktacular.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
92
Don Imas says:
What color is he?
June 24th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
93
Rick James says:
Shit, if i’d have known ‘bama rolled like that I’d have been there in a Mother fucking minute. I’d be rich bitch!!!!
June 24th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
94
Jimmy Johns says:
Look at what else I sell.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
95
blon57 says:
#41
As tragic as this is for this kid, it is always a good day when there is a Barry Switzer/illegal activity/immoral behavior reference.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
96
jwoolf1 says:
So here’s how ‘Bama’s linebacker core stands. Or rather, doesn’t.
Sr. Jimmy Johns — Quoth Nick Saban, taking a leisurely minute away from his annual 5-hour family vacation (per UA media relations): “Jimmy Johns has been dismissed from the team. This type of behavior obviously will not be tolerated and he is no longer a part of our program.” His eyes then glowed with the Omega Effect, and miles away, Jimmy Johns was incinerated where he stood.
Sr. Ezekial Knight — Likely to be declared medically ineligible because his heart could explode at any given second, without warning, during taxing activities such as reclining into cushions and breathing normally. May transfer to Jax State because team doctors there will allow players with severe medical conditions to play after signing a liability waiver. Both sentences are, tragically and shamelessly, true.
Jr. Prince Hall — in the midst of an “indefinite suspension” for breaking team rules, and has not been allowed to work out or practice with the team since February. Saban says the “door is open” and that Prince “knows what he needs to do” to come back (likely, be born again as a 5-star freshman recruit with a 4.2 GPA and forty time who is not named “Prince Hall”). Says he’s working to come back, but he won’t be on the team until at least August 5th (end of summer classes, which maybe he should be attending). From California; has “surfer’s attitude” (read: a bong made out of a tackle dummy, probably). Never adjusted to life in Tuscaloosa, except for the choice weed.
So. Rolando McClain — all-world freshman in ‘07, the next great Tide linebacker, and thrilling stuntbiker from the Ben Rothlisberger/Super Dave Osborne school of Vehicular Self-Immolation. Expected to recover fully from his recent motorcycle accident (as running headfirst into Darren McFadden teaches you, helmet make brains good more-er), though won’t be full speed until late summer, assuming he sticks the landing following a tentative July 4th rocket-sled leap over the Black Warrior River.
So. Charlie Higgenbotham — Hard at work in strength and conditioning program, fetching Ebenezer Scrooge the fattest goose in the market! Blimey, guv’nah!
June 24th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
97
Jack Mihoff says:
Hold on a minute TAFKastOSUB. Let’s examine the evidence.
1. He hates Alabama. (Not really narrowing it down yet)
2. He listens to Finebaum (closer..)
3. He apparently spends alot of time on the AL.com forums.
I smell an Auburn fan in sheep’s anus.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
98
JeffAU says:
@95
Happy to be of service.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
99
blon57 says:
#98
Please fell free to interject one at any given time. They are just so…lovely.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:34 pm
100
NewAZTiger says:
#96 – beautiful.
I hope Robbie Knievel is watching.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
101
haybeav says:
This has been a rough off-season, that’s for sure.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
102
knowsitall says:
Seriously, TaFAHQatwtf – you seriously need to get out of the southeast. If you are this pissed off at work to rant about the problems of one state thats eating at you this bad, just leave! No job should keep you in a place you hate this much, no matter how much you get paid. You have no sense of humor and understanding of just plain smack talking, you take hate to a new level. Nobody or nothing is perfect, so we banter on imperfections. Man, grow up, see things, get a sense of humor.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
103
Pirate Petey says:
yarrrr…that Jimmy Johns feller is just the kind of blackheart we need more of on my ship
…right, yeoman Vick?
June 24th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
104
Allahver Fist says:
#94
Actually, I own one of Jimmy Johns’ dogs. He’s actually quite docile.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
105
Chizad says:
For the love of God, when will they update the Fulmer Cup? I’m anxiously awaiting uat’s 18 point jump (6 counts of felony drug charges) for the lead.
There’s been four more blog postings since this thing broke. What’s the hold up???
June 24th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
106
kt says:
The http://www.jimmyjohnspitbulls.com/index2.html website deserves a blog entry of it’s own, Orson.
Give us something witty….
June 24th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
107
Last Dragon says:
@82 – Hey mother fucker. Don’t be hating on Louisiana. Don’t you know that we’re last in all those categories you speak of. Don’t let your blind hatred of Alabama result in lies.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
108
Tatum says:
Speaking of Alabama players being arrested, anybody ever heard of David Palmer stealing bicycles nearly every day to ride to class during Gene Stallings’ tenure? Just thought I’d ask, since I have it on good authority. According to my source at TPD , Stallings’ response was always, ” He’s a good kid, we’ll deaI with it.”
June 24th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
109
Todd says:
TAFKastOSUB accidentally watched Alabama football players double team his mom while looking for pr0n.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
110
MiseanAUFan says:
“Mug shot with fierce beard.”
You need to quit hanging out with your gay choreographer.
NTTAWWT
June 24th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
111
gerry dorsey says:
@ #82 and #105,
the state of mississippi thinks you both need to tap the brakes a little bit.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
112
MiseanAUFan says:
“@ #82 and #105,
the state of mississippi thinks you both need to tap the brakes a little bit.”
<a href=”http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2000/stateprofiles/ranking.asp”]AL’s not as bad as I thought (I think the low raking in per pupil is actually an improvement).
June 24th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
113
MiseanAUFan says:
Damn!
June 24th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
114
MiseanAUFan says:
I give up:
http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2000/stateprofiles/ranking.asp
June 24th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
115
MiseanAUFan says:
“YAY Alabama, drown ‘em Tide…”
June 24th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
116
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
This is all a big misunderstanding. Jimmy Johns was selling talcum powder for jock itch. And flea powder for his Pit Bulls. I thought Syzzurp was the new drug of choice……well at least he didnt fumble during the deal……
tAFKATOSUB…….I think your team thugs has ours beat…lets see….paying for prostitution…..then transferring….then their is always Mo’ “I owe the Israeli mafia money and gunz” Clarrett….rocks>glass houses…….oh yeh and getting waxed in the BCS game when everyone is watching……priceless….
Hey, tOSU is a great 1st quarter football team though
June 24th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
117
TAFKAtOSUB says:
As usual, another Alabama fan talking out of his ass and only remembers Clarett…lol.
The All-Time Fulmer Cup standings refute your claim of Ohio State’s thugs being worse than Alabama’s thugs.
Current All-Time Fulmer Cup Standings:
Ohio State: 2pts
Alabama: 16pts
With a shit pile still pending…on the verge of having the highest point total of any school in the entire country…that includes: Florida State, Miami, and all of the other schools you have turned your nose up at over the last 15 years.
You, Dixie’s Pride, the Criminal Tide, will have the highest Fulmer Cup Point Total in the entire country…all 118 teams.
How. Does. That. Feel?
The irony is that despite this…you will not go away, you will not keep quiet and drift off into the abyss, as everyone wishes you would.
Instead, you will continue to brag about 12 mythical national championships and how when dinosaurs roamed the earth you dominated college football..
It’s not the state of Alabama…it’s the people, particularly the Alabama fans…
Ohio State is also 4-2 in BCS games…Alabama is 0-1 with its only appearance being a loss to Michigan. Alabama was the SEC champion that year and Michigan was the Big Ten runner-up.
Losing to La-Monroe and then having them post a billboard of the score on the side of the freeway for all of your fans to pass on their way to a shitty 6-6 Independence bowl…now that is priceless…lol.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:16 am
118
jwoolf1 says:
Ooh, I’m-a have me a flamewar!
#117 — all-time records tend to grant more validity when the “all-time” in question is more than the scant years the Fulmer Cup has existed. Like, I dunno, a record that covers the history of a team’s abject failure against a conference.
I think we see where I’m going with this. You may want to salve your anus, on account of the sharp twitching: OSU, 0-fer-9 against the SEC whilst bowling. 7-10-2 all-time, with 3 wins over Kentucky and Vanderbilt, respectively (I am loathe to use a word there that includes “respect,” but there you have it), and one over LSU in ‘88. Losses to ‘Bama in 1995 and 1978, when DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH. (Peternosauri, mostly.)
Yes, ‘Bama’s recent history has been a series of vicious curbstompings, nigh-federal incompetence, and desperate, squealed recriminations. Yes, the fan base (hi, friends and family and also me!) can sound, at best, like present-day Michael Jackson fans and at worst like,well, never mind, because nothing is worse than a present day Michael Jackson fan. (Which is why Jesus sends tsunamis to… eh, too soon.)
But your mascot has nut on his face. GUFFAW! HIC! (Banjo outro)
June 25th, 2008 at 7:01 am
119
TIGERinATL says:
Gotta agree with tOSU yet again: It’s more than ridiculous for fans of the team that’s 1-1 in the last two Independence bowls to ridicule another team for losing the last two BCS championship games.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:07 am
120
Tommy says:
Oh please, please, please let Alabama win an award named after Phil Fulmer. Heads would explode in two states.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:21 am
121
kleph says:
it’s tough to tell who’s dipping deeper in the well of schadenfreude over this, TAFKAtOSUB or Brian Cook. which goes to show even the most ardent of foes can find some common ground if they stoop low enough.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:37 am
122
TAFKastOSUB says:
#118…that’s pretty good stuff right there.
However, you should note that I did not say “all-time” thugs since the beginning of college football, my “all-time” comment was in direct reference to the Fulmer Cup Standings.
What is Alabama’s record against some of the best programs in the country outside of the SEC?
Texas 0-7
Michigan 1-2
Notre Dame 1-5-1
Ohio State 3-0
That’s a collective 5-14-1 against 4 of the top programs in the country that you don’t play all the time or only play in bowl games.
That’s impressive.
My point…bowl games are DIFFERENT and UNPREDICTABLE…which explains why a team that Ohio State absolutely man-handled (Michigan) was able to run all over Florida and conversely, it explains how a 2 loss Florida team was able to run all over Ohio State…the combination of a long period of time off, playing teams you don’t normally play, and playing at neutral locations produces strange results.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:47 am
123
Tater Salad says:
TAFKAtOSUB-
Did you play football at tOSU? If not, then that means you’re using the accomplishments of 18 – 23 year old men, of which you had/have no part, to talk shit? How is that not as asinine as bringing up OSU’s records in BCS title games or OSU’s record against Alabama, even though the two haven’t played in a decade? All of those arguments have one thing in common. You, and likely the person you’re arguing with, had nothing to do with any of it.
In reality, we’re all a bunch of jerkwads. My team, the team I have absolutely no control over, just beat your team, which you have no control over.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:50 am
124
Florida Boy says:
Dear Ohio State fans:
Shut the fuck up. You’re really gay in your Katzenmoyer jerseys, sweater vests, and those stupid oversized Mardi Gras beads. Ohio is a shitty state full of lowbrow asswipes, especially the douches who cheer for Ohio State and talk about their high school football days for fifty years. Shut the fuck up, please.
You have no good looking girls in your entire state. None. All you have is a bunch of big-ass-corn-fed-bitches that breed oafs with factory workers. Your ultra-conservative, boring state sucks, as does your unflinching loyalty for it. Fuck Ohio. I would rather live in Michigan.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:13 am
125
jwoolf1 says:
#123 – cosigned, with a quickness. Any discussion of records or history is largely moot — yeah, Alabama has blown big hulking goats since my post-adolescence, but that doesn’t make our history irrelevant anymore than OSU’s impotence against our conference makes their fans poor, weepy lovers. Sports teams are irrelevant until they aren’t, but then sometimes they are again.
What’s-his-OU’s point was that Alabama fans are more delusional than other fanbases (maybe) despite the fact that the program is dead and we should all climb into a pillowcase and drown in a river (er… LESS maybe). I should clarify that my counterpoint, reasoned and full of wisdom, is that anyone who expresses such an opinion is made entirely of foreskins.
#all commenters calling out specific fanbases for bias/obsessiveness/bragging about their loveless marriage to a once-beautiful program, now an unf*@able she-mammoth who lost breast in a crack fire and developed gangrenous gingivitic Tahitian vagina-mouth after riding the entire local plumbers’ union sidesaddle – yes, we’re all the erudite models of restraint and life prioritization, what with all this time spent internet commenting on a blog called Every Day Should Be Saturday.
Which we believe.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:30 am
126
WTF Ben Dover says:
Response #123, Tater Salad, are you the same guy that posts on Retail worker?
June 25th, 2008 at 10:58 am
127
droll tide says:
I have to give TAFKAtOSUB credit. Yesterday I was bewildered and depressed that JJ could risk his own damn self and let down his teammates, coaches, and most importantly, me. After reading TAFKAtOSUB’s painfully awkward invective, I realized, “Hey, it could be worse. I could be *that* guy.” So thanks internet tough guy. Your desperate and lonely cocaine-fueled alcoholism has turned out to have a curious nurturing effect. Irony, thy name is TAFKAtOSUB.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:54 am
128
Florida Boy says:
Ohio State blows big fat elephant dicks.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
129
Tater Salad says:
@126-
Not sure what you’re talking about, so no, I don’t think so.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
130
the croominator says:
As someone who regularly drove from Alabama to Mississippi and back, can I just say JEEZ, finish the roads already! I’ve already told several people that when you suddenly jolt from 4 to 2 lane, you know you’re in Alabama (though for what it’s worth, you know you’ve left Mississippi for Tennessee when all of a sudden the roads are better-paved).
June 25th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
131
MiseanAUFan says:
“…7-10-2 all-time,with 3 wins over Kentucky and Vanderbilt, respectively (I am loathe to use a word there that includes “respect,” but there you have it”
Is that even correct usage of the word you were “loathe to use”? If KY and Vandy had different loss totals, then it’s use would be warranted (with 3 and 2 wins over KY and Vandy, respectively).
“3 wins each over KY and Vandy”
That would have been correct, but then you couldn’t go on the root-word tangent, that you seem to hold so dear.
June 26th, 2008 at 6:35 am