JIMMY JOHNS OF ALABAMA: CALL HIM THE SNOWMAN
Jimmy Johns of Alabama, arrested for powder cocaine distribution for Alabama. Remember, it’s gotta be powdered, because them rock boys just roll while you slang the snow. Also, because crack is for poor people. You must never forget this.
Asked for the specific charges, Kosloff said he believed the Brookhaven, Miss., native was arrested and charged with seven “drug-related” charges, including selling.
Police allege cocaine and marijuana are involved, Kosloff said.
Johns had moved from running back to “linebacker,” a term with numerous double entendres in light of the alleged charges. More to come, but we won’t use this as an excuse to post Dr. Rockso videos no we won’t we I DO COCAAAAAAAAAINE!!!! GONNA MAKE YOU A BALLOOOOOOON ANIMAAAAAAL!!!!
Seriously, he does a lot of cocaine.
Update: Mug shot with fierce beard. Worse news still: we’re going to have to have Brian rework the board again, because Alabama may have just taken a huge leap forward in the Fulmer Cup standings. (Five felony possession charges alone= FIFTEEN points. Digits, baby!)
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101
haybeav says:
This has been a rough off-season, that’s for sure.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
102
knowsitall says:
Seriously, TaFAHQatwtf – you seriously need to get out of the southeast. If you are this pissed off at work to rant about the problems of one state thats eating at you this bad, just leave! No job should keep you in a place you hate this much, no matter how much you get paid. You have no sense of humor and understanding of just plain smack talking, you take hate to a new level. Nobody or nothing is perfect, so we banter on imperfections. Man, grow up, see things, get a sense of humor.
June 24th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
103
Pirate Petey says:
yarrrr…that Jimmy Johns feller is just the kind of blackheart we need more of on my ship
…right, yeoman Vick?
June 24th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
104
Allahver Fist says:
#94
Actually, I own one of Jimmy Johns’ dogs. He’s actually quite docile.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
105
Chizad says:
For the love of God, when will they update the Fulmer Cup? I’m anxiously awaiting uat’s 18 point jump (6 counts of felony drug charges) for the lead.
There’s been four more blog postings since this thing broke. What’s the hold up???
June 24th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
106
kt says:
The http://www.jimmyjohnspitbulls.com/index2.html website deserves a blog entry of it’s own, Orson.
Give us something witty….
June 24th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
107
Last Dragon says:
@82 – Hey mother fucker. Don’t be hating on Louisiana. Don’t you know that we’re last in all those categories you speak of. Don’t let your blind hatred of Alabama result in lies.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
108
Tatum says:
Speaking of Alabama players being arrested, anybody ever heard of David Palmer stealing bicycles nearly every day to ride to class during Gene Stallings’ tenure? Just thought I’d ask, since I have it on good authority. According to my source at TPD , Stallings’ response was always, ” He’s a good kid, we’ll deaI with it.”
June 24th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
109
Todd says:
TAFKastOSUB accidentally watched Alabama football players double team his mom while looking for pr0n.
June 24th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
110
MiseanAUFan says:
“Mug shot with fierce beard.”
You need to quit hanging out with your gay choreographer.
NTTAWWT
June 24th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
111
gerry dorsey says:
@ #82 and #105,
the state of mississippi thinks you both need to tap the brakes a little bit.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
112
MiseanAUFan says:
“@ #82 and #105,
the state of mississippi thinks you both need to tap the brakes a little bit.”
<a href=”http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2000/stateprofiles/ranking.asp”]AL’s not as bad as I thought (I think the low raking in per pupil is actually an improvement).
June 24th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
113
MiseanAUFan says:
Damn!
June 24th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
114
MiseanAUFan says:
I give up:
http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2000/stateprofiles/ranking.asp
June 24th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
115
MiseanAUFan says:
“YAY Alabama, drown ‘em Tide…”
June 24th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
116
Mr. Pelican Pants says:
This is all a big misunderstanding. Jimmy Johns was selling talcum powder for jock itch. And flea powder for his Pit Bulls. I thought Syzzurp was the new drug of choice……well at least he didnt fumble during the deal……
tAFKATOSUB…….I think your team thugs has ours beat…lets see….paying for prostitution…..then transferring….then their is always Mo’ “I owe the Israeli mafia money and gunz” Clarrett….rocks>glass houses…….oh yeh and getting waxed in the BCS game when everyone is watching……priceless….
Hey, tOSU is a great 1st quarter football team though
June 24th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
117
TAFKAtOSUB says:
As usual, another Alabama fan talking out of his ass and only remembers Clarett…lol.
The All-Time Fulmer Cup standings refute your claim of Ohio State’s thugs being worse than Alabama’s thugs.
Current All-Time Fulmer Cup Standings:
Ohio State: 2pts
Alabama: 16pts
With a shit pile still pending…on the verge of having the highest point total of any school in the entire country…that includes: Florida State, Miami, and all of the other schools you have turned your nose up at over the last 15 years.
You, Dixie’s Pride, the Criminal Tide, will have the highest Fulmer Cup Point Total in the entire country…all 118 teams.
How. Does. That. Feel?
The irony is that despite this…you will not go away, you will not keep quiet and drift off into the abyss, as everyone wishes you would.
Instead, you will continue to brag about 12 mythical national championships and how when dinosaurs roamed the earth you dominated college football..
It’s not the state of Alabama…it’s the people, particularly the Alabama fans…
Ohio State is also 4-2 in BCS games…Alabama is 0-1 with its only appearance being a loss to Michigan. Alabama was the SEC champion that year and Michigan was the Big Ten runner-up.
Losing to La-Monroe and then having them post a billboard of the score on the side of the freeway for all of your fans to pass on their way to a shitty 6-6 Independence bowl…now that is priceless…lol.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:16 am
118
jwoolf1 says:
Ooh, I’m-a have me a flamewar!
#117 — all-time records tend to grant more validity when the “all-time” in question is more than the scant years the Fulmer Cup has existed. Like, I dunno, a record that covers the history of a team’s abject failure against a conference.
I think we see where I’m going with this. You may want to salve your anus, on account of the sharp twitching: OSU, 0-fer-9 against the SEC whilst bowling. 7-10-2 all-time, with 3 wins over Kentucky and Vanderbilt, respectively (I am loathe to use a word there that includes “respect,” but there you have it), and one over LSU in ‘88. Losses to ‘Bama in 1995 and 1978, when DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH. (Peternosauri, mostly.)
Yes, ‘Bama’s recent history has been a series of vicious curbstompings, nigh-federal incompetence, and desperate, squealed recriminations. Yes, the fan base (hi, friends and family and also me!) can sound, at best, like present-day Michael Jackson fans and at worst like,well, never mind, because nothing is worse than a present day Michael Jackson fan. (Which is why Jesus sends tsunamis to… eh, too soon.)
But your mascot has nut on his face. GUFFAW! HIC! (Banjo outro)
June 25th, 2008 at 7:01 am
119
TIGERinATL says:
Gotta agree with tOSU yet again: It’s more than ridiculous for fans of the team that’s 1-1 in the last two Independence bowls to ridicule another team for losing the last two BCS championship games.
June 25th, 2008 at 7:07 am
120
Tommy says:
Oh please, please, please let Alabama win an award named after Phil Fulmer. Heads would explode in two states.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:21 am
121
kleph says:
it’s tough to tell who’s dipping deeper in the well of schadenfreude over this, TAFKAtOSUB or Brian Cook. which goes to show even the most ardent of foes can find some common ground if they stoop low enough.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:37 am
122
TAFKastOSUB says:
#118…that’s pretty good stuff right there.
However, you should note that I did not say “all-time” thugs since the beginning of college football, my “all-time” comment was in direct reference to the Fulmer Cup Standings.
What is Alabama’s record against some of the best programs in the country outside of the SEC?
Texas 0-7
Michigan 1-2
Notre Dame 1-5-1
Ohio State 3-0
That’s a collective 5-14-1 against 4 of the top programs in the country that you don’t play all the time or only play in bowl games.
That’s impressive.
My point…bowl games are DIFFERENT and UNPREDICTABLE…which explains why a team that Ohio State absolutely man-handled (Michigan) was able to run all over Florida and conversely, it explains how a 2 loss Florida team was able to run all over Ohio State…the combination of a long period of time off, playing teams you don’t normally play, and playing at neutral locations produces strange results.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:47 am
123
Tater Salad says:
TAFKAtOSUB-
Did you play football at tOSU? If not, then that means you’re using the accomplishments of 18 – 23 year old men, of which you had/have no part, to talk shit? How is that not as asinine as bringing up OSU’s records in BCS title games or OSU’s record against Alabama, even though the two haven’t played in a decade? All of those arguments have one thing in common. You, and likely the person you’re arguing with, had nothing to do with any of it.
In reality, we’re all a bunch of jerkwads. My team, the team I have absolutely no control over, just beat your team, which you have no control over.
June 25th, 2008 at 8:50 am
124
Florida Boy says:
Dear Ohio State fans:
Shut the fuck up. You’re really gay in your Katzenmoyer jerseys, sweater vests, and those stupid oversized Mardi Gras beads. Ohio is a shitty state full of lowbrow asswipes, especially the douches who cheer for Ohio State and talk about their high school football days for fifty years. Shut the fuck up, please.
You have no good looking girls in your entire state. None. All you have is a bunch of big-ass-corn-fed-bitches that breed oafs with factory workers. Your ultra-conservative, boring state sucks, as does your unflinching loyalty for it. Fuck Ohio. I would rather live in Michigan.
June 25th, 2008 at 9:13 am
125
jwoolf1 says:
#123 – cosigned, with a quickness. Any discussion of records or history is largely moot — yeah, Alabama has blown big hulking goats since my post-adolescence, but that doesn’t make our history irrelevant anymore than OSU’s impotence against our conference makes their fans poor, weepy lovers. Sports teams are irrelevant until they aren’t, but then sometimes they are again.
What’s-his-OU’s point was that Alabama fans are more delusional than other fanbases (maybe) despite the fact that the program is dead and we should all climb into a pillowcase and drown in a river (er… LESS maybe). I should clarify that my counterpoint, reasoned and full of wisdom, is that anyone who expresses such an opinion is made entirely of foreskins.
#all commenters calling out specific fanbases for bias/obsessiveness/bragging about their loveless marriage to a once-beautiful program, now an unf*@able she-mammoth who lost breast in a crack fire and developed gangrenous gingivitic Tahitian vagina-mouth after riding the entire local plumbers’ union sidesaddle – yes, we’re all the erudite models of restraint and life prioritization, what with all this time spent internet commenting on a blog called Every Day Should Be Saturday.
Which we believe.
June 25th, 2008 at 10:30 am
126
WTF Ben Dover says:
Response #123, Tater Salad, are you the same guy that posts on Retail worker?
June 25th, 2008 at 10:58 am
127
droll tide says:
I have to give TAFKAtOSUB credit. Yesterday I was bewildered and depressed that JJ could risk his own damn self and let down his teammates, coaches, and most importantly, me. After reading TAFKAtOSUB’s painfully awkward invective, I realized, “Hey, it could be worse. I could be *that* guy.” So thanks internet tough guy. Your desperate and lonely cocaine-fueled alcoholism has turned out to have a curious nurturing effect. Irony, thy name is TAFKAtOSUB.
June 25th, 2008 at 11:54 am
128
Florida Boy says:
Ohio State blows big fat elephant dicks.
June 25th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
129
Tater Salad says:
@126-
Not sure what you’re talking about, so no, I don’t think so.
June 25th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
130
the croominator says:
As someone who regularly drove from Alabama to Mississippi and back, can I just say JEEZ, finish the roads already! I’ve already told several people that when you suddenly jolt from 4 to 2 lane, you know you’re in Alabama (though for what it’s worth, you know you’ve left Mississippi for Tennessee when all of a sudden the roads are better-paved).
June 25th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
131
MiseanAUFan says:
“…7-10-2 all-time,with 3 wins over Kentucky and Vanderbilt, respectively (I am loathe to use a word there that includes “respect,” but there you have it”
Is that even correct usage of the word you were “loathe to use”? If KY and Vandy had different loss totals, then it’s use would be warranted (with 3 and 2 wins over KY and Vandy, respectively).
“3 wins each over KY and Vandy”
That would have been correct, but then you couldn’t go on the root-word tangent, that you seem to hold so dear.
June 26th, 2008 at 6:35 am