Tressel:cut, ready. Courtesy of the late, great Tressel’s World.

Jim’s been pumping iron. Doing hang cleans. Working the rings. Getting deep into some CrossFit shit. Jim’s been getting Ripped Fuel and whey protein shakes. Taking Sport Beans during his six mile runs. Jim’s got those sex muscle dents from all the tough love he’s been giving himself in the weight room and on the stairs lately.

JT’s gonna be ready, just like we’re ready for EDSBS Live, where we ask you if you’ve been getting cut and ripped like old acid-washed jeans for the next season, and what the four Golden Ticket games you’re looking forward to–that is, the games you want instant tickets to in order to maximize your college football pleasure in 2008

In case you can’t tell, JT’s looking toward the horizon with those bedroom eyes and seeing one thing: USC, brah. If Pete Carroll’s like a beautiful woman, he’s gonna make him him some Tresselation. One thing he’s not: safe, no matter how many Trojans you throw at him. The eyes alone tell you that.

Listen here and join the festivities at 9 EDT.

GRRRRRRRRR! Kettlebells! Tires! Puke! Chapter two of the Humiliation Diet is up at the Sporting Blog, and it is tire-fliptastic.

Teams: there are a lot of them. In our effort to bring you the finest “bullshit” coverage of college football, our Visiting Lecturer Series today welcomes Seth, the author of the fine Huskies-compatible blog Enjoy the Enjoyment and Executive Editor of the wonderful new publication Sports Northwest Magazine. A Napoleon Kaufman-esque performance follows. (Hey! He has mixed feelings on Rick Neuheisel! Imagine!)

One: what color is your season? In other words, please explain the metaphorical state of your program through the metaphor of color:

Fire Engine Red. Anyone who’s bothered to compile a pre-season “Coaches on the Hot Seat” list has Ty Willingham at the top of it. Mix that into a dish that includes Phil Steele ranking the Huskies’ schedule as the toughest in the nation (for the second consecutive year–thanks athletic department!) and pre-season injuries to key players, and you’ll understand why Willingham often has a sour look on his face–he tastes a set up. Many Husky fans would welcome Willingham’s firing, but some (i.e., me) see it as another step back for a program that’s rapidly devolving toward irrelevance.

Two: What historical nation and period do you resemble most right now?

Imperial Rome, Crisis of the Third Century.

After the relative peace and prosperity of the Owens/James/Lambright era (1957-1998), Willingham leads a shaky regime, populated by citizens who remember better times and haven’t come to terms with the outside forces (parity, the rise of the Oregon schools) that have beset their beloved empire. As a result, the Huskies have had four head men in just ten years, and another coup is imminent.

Three: You have important players. Discuss a few of them hastily.

HUGS FOR JAKEY! HIM LOVE THE HUGS!

QB Jake Locker: The Tim Tebow of the West. Locker shares Tebow’s speed, strength, and earnest whiteness. One major difference–Locker’s spending his summer playing amateur baseball, not circumcising Filipino boys. Locker set the official Pac-10 record for rushing yards by a QB last year, but also the unofficial record for most receivers left standing confused as a pass sailed 20 feet over their heads. The man’s acceleration and slipperyness in the open field are a joy to watch, but his accuracy must improve.

C Juan Garcia: He’s the guy fans look at and ask “is he STILL on the team?” (more…)

Public policy rarely affects demon football, but occasionally an event happens that is so large if blunders its way into everything in your life whether you like it or not: a natural disaster, disease, the release of Grand Theft Auto: 4…it happens from time to time, and it just happened to Florida high school and college football thanks to the biggest environmental buyout in the state’s history.

POOF! 1.7B later, and gone.

The state of Florida will give U.S. Sugar $1.75 billion dollars for its holdings in the Everglades, a swath of land totalling 187,000 acres in size. The purchase constitutes an immense step forward in the state’s plan to reestablish the Everglades to at least a zombified version of its former self, offsetting one hundred years of haphazard development and Keystone Kops engineering by the Army Corps of Engineers.

(Who really can’t be blamed: everything they were told to do turned out to be impossible, counterintuitively destructive, or just plain harebrained, like accidentally salinating the freshwater table in South Florida with drilling. Florida’s like Harry Potter’s hair; no matter how it’s cut, it just tends to take the same wooly, unmanageable shape no matter what you do.)

Football enters the equation in this fashion: U.S. Sugar is headquartered in Clewiston, and with the buyout the company may cease to exist at all–taking with it the main source of income for not only Clewiston, but for Belle Glade and Pahokee, the legendary “rabbit-chasing” football talent wells producing Fred Taylor, Reidel Anthony, Anquan Boldin, and many, many others, the buyout means their towns have been given a terminal diagnosis. The fields will be converted to reservoirs, and the main source of these towns wealth will go back to being what it was before: namely, the drainpipe for the entire southern half of the state.

What will remain after the cane leaves? (more…)

Jimmy Johns of Alabama, arrested for powder cocaine distribution for Alabama. Remember, it’s gotta be powdered, because them rock boys just roll while you slang the snow. Also, because crack is for poor people. You must never forget this.

From Al.com:

Asked for the specific charges, Kosloff said he believed the Brookhaven, Miss., native was arrested and charged with seven “drug-related” charges, including selling.

Police allege cocaine and marijuana are involved, Kosloff said.

Johns had moved from running back to “linebacker,” a term with numerous double entendres in light of the alleged charges. More to come, but we won’t use this as an excuse to post Dr. Rockso videos no we won’t we I DO COCAAAAAAAAAINE!!!! GONNA MAKE YOU A BALLOOOOOOON ANIMAAAAAAL!!!!

Seriously, he does a lot of cocaine.

Update: Mug shot with fierce beard. Worse news still: we’re going to have to have Brian rework the board again, because Alabama may have just taken a huge leap forward in the Fulmer Cup standings. (Five felony possession charges alone= FIFTEEN points. Digits, baby!)

Dennis Dodd’s piece on Pat Ruel, the USC offensive line coach he dubs the best o-line coach in the country, includes a quote that validates J.R. Moehringer’s claim that “It is impossible to write about Pete Carroll without sounding at least a little gay.”

“Pete’s like a beautiful woman,” Ruel said after taking the job. “The closer you get, you better look out. He is very charismatic. He can smile and make you feel like a million dollars.”

Ruel just sits there sometimes, waiting for the flowers, or the touch of the hand, or maybe even just a hint of his peppery, jasmine-tinged musk to float by…and the white knight always delivers, doesn’t he? Yes, yes he does. A girl can be so lucky sometimes, you know. [/cue Gray's Anatomy music]

Just like a beautiful woman: Pete Carroll

HT: RCR.