I CAN HOLD IT…A QUICK PARABLE
Red Lisp 3: I’m going in! Cover me Porkins.
Red Porkins 2: I’m with you, Red Lisp 3
(The two dive and level out just below the surface of the object. It is glossy, covered with bags of silcone, shiny brass armor plating, stunning nude women covered by glass bubbles, and laser cannons.)
Red Lisp 3: Jezuth, look at that! It’s the size of a Pollack washerwoman’s behind, I tell you!
Red Porkins 2: Right with you…um…got a problem here.
Red Lisp 3: Eject!
Red Porkins 2: I can hold it…I’ve got Clausen…and recruits…
Red Lisp 3: Come to television! It’s eathy!
Red Porkins 2: No…I just need more….time.
Imperial Cannoneer Carroll: I’m so jacked to be shooting down this fighter.
[Fires Rey Maualuga from cannon.]
Red Lisp 3: What’s the thtate theal of Baltimore doing on my helmet?
Red Porkins 2: AAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Cannoneer Carroll: WIN FOREVER!!!!!
Red Lisp 3: Aw, come on! You named him Porkinth! He didn’t thtand a chance to begin with!
(A floating, half-eaten chicken sandwich bounces off the cockpit of the X-wing into the cold void of space.)
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1
Oops Pow Surprise says:
It… it’s beautiful.
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:39 pm
2
PeterPumpkinhead says:
You really think he’s going to make it to USC? They could be 0-5, or easily 1-4 going into that game. Maybe you should have shown him as the bounty hunter getting punk’d by Han “RichRod” Solo much earlier in the movie.
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:50 pm
3
The Subway Domer says:
Wow. I just can’t deny how fucking funny this is. Bravo
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:51 pm
4
PeterPumpkinhead says:
Which is not to take away from the quality of the work, this was f’in hilarious.
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:51 pm
5
socalbryan says:
loife!
#1, I concur completely.
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:53 pm
6
sandman227 says:
Amazing…..raises an interesting chicken-or egg type question: which comes first, the parody or the fark?
June 23rd, 2008 at 1:53 pm
7
DC Trojan says:
So does this mean that HIS COACHNESS SIR RICK NEUHEISEL <3 is Luke Skywalker? I don’t like where this metaphor is going at all.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:03 pm
8
Austin says:
A masterpiece. We’ll be talking about this one when (if) Notre Dame actually wins another NC.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:09 pm
9
poguemahone says:
“WIN FOREVER!!!!” got me
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:09 pm
10
beauford @ theonlygamethatmatters says:
“come to Television. It’s Eathy!”
Jesus, I laughed hard at that.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:23 pm
11
DevilGrad says:
Red Lisp 3: What’s the thtate theal of Baltimore doing on my helmet?
This is brilliant in about eight different ways — and it explains a lot, too.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:23 pm
12
PW says:
I didn’t realize Yoda and Jabba the Hut were on the same team.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:34 pm
13
yoyofutbawl says:
7
Do not take the name of the Rick Neuheisel, the lord god of the bruins, in vain. He is a jealous bruin, meting out justice and deciding point spreads with the perfection that is inherent in The Almighty Neuheisel.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:34 pm
14
Sherlock Hemlock says:
Chicken? The only way Porkins is eating chicken is if the bird was eaten by a sow that crawled into the rectum of a Kobe cow.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:37 pm
15
Out of Conference says:
Holy crap was that funny.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:43 pm
16
NewAZTiger says:
Chicken? That looks like deep-fried Mangino bunda to me.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:53 pm
17
RRTX Coug says:
GIMMEH GIMMEH
Wazzu deserves more points for these January shenanigans:
http://washingtonstate.scout.com/2/764219.html
Actually some awesome funny shit.
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:56 pm
18
Erdinger says:
IT’S A TRAP!!
June 23rd, 2008 at 2:57 pm
19
Hook'em Tide says:
stay….on…..target…..
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:00 pm
20
AllWhoYonder says:
In the next scene though, doesn’t “Red Lisp 3″ use the power of Our Lady on top of the Dome (aka the Force) to blow up Carroll and the Death Coliseum (which hasn’t been powerful for more than, say, 20 years)?
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:02 pm
21
hunglikehussain says:
I wonder if Porkin’s X-wing fighter, when it crashed, made an echo?
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:14 pm
22
yoyofutbawl says:
14
Great concept – Chiporcow, but too late.
Unfortunately, Weis already has it trademarked.
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:26 pm
23
oc phil says:
Allwhoyonder @20: I dunno where you get the 20 years from. The Colliseum was doing pretty well back in the 60’s and 70’s under Emperor McKay and the dawn of the Empire back in the 20’s and 30’s was not to shabby either.
The plucky band of rebels attacking the Death Coliseum should be Stanford though.
Not only was there there last year’s debacle, the previous USC home loss was also to Stanford (under Willingham). AND John Elway’s Stanford team back in 1979 tied what I consider the best USC team of all-time and prevented them from winning back-to-back MNC’s.
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:28 pm
24
them oklahoma says:
That…was…awesome. I don’t even like Star Wars and that was splendiferous. In my mind, Bob Stoops zooms in on his flying visor and blows up the booster funded SUC Star. And, I quote, “Hey, no question. It’s not the post season…so I can kick your ass, in a great way!”
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:40 pm
25
AllWhoYonder says:
oc phil, I was using the Stars Wars timeline not the USC timeline.
June 23rd, 2008 at 3:44 pm
26
Hannibal Montegna says:
Peter — the game is in L.A. this year, so Notre Dame and SC don’t play until the end of the season. At which point ND should have a winning record, at least, considering the schedule is not even remotely in the class of last year’s gauntlet. They only play three winning teams (based on 07 records) before that: rebuilding Michigan, Michigan State, Purdue and Navy. Otherwise, it’s Washington, North Carolina, Pittsburgh, Syracuse, San Diego State, etc. If that’s not six or seven wins right there, Weis should be fired.
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:10 pm
27
David says:
@ #13
At which university did Coach Rick Neuheisel get his law degree?
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:12 pm
28
Vol says:
…thtate theal of [Maryland]…
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:19 pm
29
Irish_Wertzy says:
Damn it all. You know it’s damn funny when you can’t stop laughing even when it’s making fun of your own alma mater.
Damn you LSUFreak.
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:22 pm
30
DHC says:
Man, everytime I think that LSUfreek has hit the penultimate, he comes out with this sort of genius.
Their heads bobbing and weaving is a nice touch.
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:25 pm
31
PW says:
24
Why is it that someone can get the “can’t get it done in the postseason when it matters” monkey off their back by winning a championship near the end of their career after repeated failures (Kevin Garnett, John Elway), yet someone who “gets it done in the postseason” early in their career– as a huge underdog against an excellent FSU team, no less– is not exonerated by virtue of this?
Although I guess his postseason losses are more noteworthy because he was expected to win most if not all of them (LSU, Boise St. WFVU, K-State).
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:31 pm
32
Xaryn says:
Cut the chatter, Red Lisp 3.
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:36 pm
33
oc phil says:
Yonder @25. OK, I still don’t see where you get the 20 years from, since wasn’t the Death Star newly operational in the original movie, no matter though.
I guess it does not matter who plays Luke Skywalker though, since in spite of the the one setback at the end of the original movie, the empire gets to strike back and the reign of terror continues.
But who is it that eventually takes down the Empire? The damn Ewoks! Perhaps it will be the Dumpster Muffins who end USC’s domination of the Pac 10 galaxy.
June 23rd, 2008 at 4:55 pm
34
DC Trojan says:
David @ 27 – It’s my understanding that HIS COACHNESS SIR RICK NEUHEISEL <3 won his legal sheepskin (or should that be lambskin?) from the Dean of USC’s law school in a poker tourney. Why, what had you heard?
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:20 pm
35
dawgaddict says:
points for Clemson forthcoming?
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:49 pm
36
BarryDamnSwitzer aka Them Oklahoma says:
31-
Honestly, I think the guy has had a mix of getting the worst luck with the worst timing in addition to flat out blowing it a couple of times. Hell, I went to grad school at OU. I’ve got nothing against the guy, he’s leagues better than Gary Gibbs (the least “real” head coach at OU). The last two Fiesta Bowls can be attributed, partially, to injuries and idiots ( the crispy sofa incident of ‘07 featuring something like 5 injuries and two idiots-Granger and Holmes,- leaving the D rather pathetic. The offense? Well, let’s just say Phil Loadholt needs to practice blocking the outside blitz). The Boise State thing, well…”we” had a wideout playing QB and had a hell of a comeback that nobody remembers. That and Boise was much better than anyone knew while OU was overhyped due to nothing more than the school name and colors. Either way, I enjoy the idea of The Stoops piloting a visor-looking thing and blowing up SUC.
June 23rd, 2008 at 5:56 pm
37
NDEddieMac says:
You’ve made Pepper the Notre Dame Comeback dolphin very sad OS and LSUFreek. He probably had to laugh as well…but you still cut him to his sad dolphiny soul
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:04 pm
38
J in SD says:
We need LSUFreak to fark Urban Meyer telling a verbally committed high school senior to lie to the school he committed to so they stop recruiting that position and to stay silent about being flipped to the Gators. That would be sweet.
June 23rd, 2008 at 10:15 pm
39
Mr Pelican Pants says:
I dont know, if LSU freek and this guy teamed up,
let the hilarity ensue:
http://www.gump4heisman.com/my_weblog/2008/06/11-alternate-ncaa-09-covers.html#more
June 23rd, 2008 at 11:02 pm
40
AllWhoYonder says:
oc phil, let’s chalk it up to bad use of the metaphor by me. I was trying to use the overall timeline of the empire (roughly the number of years it took for Luke to grow up since Darth became Darth) but didn’t exactly make that work too well…
So, yeah, it probably will be Dumpster Muffin or someone like that who eventually topples the empire.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:11 am
41
yoyofutbawl says:
27
Law Skool? University of Mars, he graduated along with Otis Sistrunk. HIS COACHNESS is too cool to have received one from the measley Earth.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:56 am
42
T. Kyle King says:
This is all well and good, but I can’t figure out for the life of me what it has to do with the size of the behind on a washerwoman who works for a Georgia three-time all-American defensive end.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
43
Pirate Petey says:
arrrr….ye has gone and made me spill my ale ya little picaroon
June 24th, 2008 at 3:50 pm