CURIOUS INDEX, 6/23/2008

by Orson on Jun 23, 2008 9:00 AM EDT

Drinks are on Croom! Sylvester Croom signed a new contract for four years at $1.7 million dollars on Friday. The salary makes him the second highest paid person in Mississippi, as he still trails catfish sexer and Tunica blackjack dealer Edwin "Stumpy" McKettridge in net income. When asked for comment, Croom spoke and cracked a levee with his thunderous voice, leaving the coach to conduct the rest of the press conference with hand gestures indicating he was rich, hanging loose, feeling "o.k.", and was number one in some fashion he could not clearly articulate.

The money seems like a lot of coin for a program so strapped for cash that Croom, in addition to teaching a few advanced agronomy classes, also serves as head cheerleader for the pep squad.

It's a sign, Phyllis! The picturesque live oaks at Toomer's Corner in Auburn are ailing thanks to a number of factors, including both the tradition of bombarding the oaks with toilet paper after victories and the love tap a local inflicted a few years ago with his truck:

Despite signs of decline over the past decade, the trees are surviving. The larger tree is bouncing back from a gaping wound sustained a few years ago when a truck crashed into it.

How someone hits one of the four major landmarks in Auburn is beyond us, unless there was some kind of blood atonement or revenge going on. "A live oak KILLED MY DADDY DAMMIT! (rrrrrrreeeeevvvvv....) The practice of rolling the trees is not helping, and may have to be stopped to preserve the health of the trees, showing that local authorities have not seen The Happening and obviously doesn't understand the threat our leafy silent enemies present to humanity.

On the positive side for Alabama fans: it's a sign! Bear's pissin' on 'em from heaven! The streak ends now!

Pat Hill and Fresno State turned down $1 million dollars offered to move their upcoming game against Wisconsin in Fresno to Lambeau Field. Pat Hill explained the refusal by saying the game means too much to the program and the community to move to a neutral site, and then tore ass on his kickass Harley westward into a vermillion-shaded sunset.

Drama hasn't used this little soap since the Hundred Years' War. More hippies, trees, and hippies in trees from the still-lingering Cal tree standoff.

Danario Alexander, the Joint Whisperer. Mizzou wideout Alexander, who will miss the opening of the season with a leg injury, speaks from his very bones:

I wont listen to my head, Alexander said. I wont listen to my heart. Ill listen to my leg.

Alexander's legs are the most eloquent joints you'll ever hear. Sublimity lives in their slightest creaks and croaks.

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Comments

Hmmm… I was looking forward to EDSBS’s take on the court ruling that Duke’s football program is legally terrible.

by CincySooner on Jun 23, 2008 9:07 AM EDT reply actions

Fresno State just has big heads thinking they are a legit program now that their baseball team knocked off UNC in the CWS semifinals.

by Out of Conference on Jun 23, 2008 9:10 AM EDT reply actions

just out of curiosity, are you ever going to update the cfb awards on the sidebar?

by kleph on Jun 23, 2008 9:14 AM EDT reply actions

Pat Hill says that he’d be perfectly fine playing at Lambeau if the opponent were the Packers. If it’s just the Badgers, though, they can stick that pussy “neutral-site” bullshit where the sun don’t shine.

by Doug on Jun 23, 2008 9:20 AM EDT reply actions

If Pat Hill had tore ass on his kickass Harley eastward into a vermillion-shaded sunset, that would have been an accomplishment.

by Unhappy Monkey on Jun 23, 2008 9:41 AM EDT reply actions

Knowing Pat Hill and Fresno State, they’ll beat Wisconsin and then lose to Toledo the next week.

by John on Jun 23, 2008 9:59 AM EDT reply actions

I’m rich, BITCH!!

Seriously, 1.7 million is still tied for 10th or 11th (depending on what Bobby Johnson makes) in the SEC coaching salaries.

by hailstate on Jun 23, 2008 10:01 AM EDT reply actions

You don’t know how hard it was to resist a Ryan Perriloux joke when I first read the phrase “joint whisperer”. I guess perhaps he’s more of a joint screamer though.

by MaconDawg on Jun 23, 2008 10:02 AM EDT reply actions

This……is MSU

by Darkknight on Jun 23, 2008 10:02 AM EDT reply actions

I can just imagine the court’s reaction. They were probably trying to stifle the laughter.

This is far more pertinent than that pesky second amendment issue before the Supreme Court.

by blon57 on Jun 23, 2008 10:08 AM EDT reply actions

So . . . Sylvester Croom is Black Bolt?

by That 5.0 Guy on Jun 23, 2008 10:11 AM EDT reply actions

Maybe Dumpster Muffin could move her troops east to save the Toomer Corner live oaks. You know – camp in the trees to prevent toilet papering. Or maybe they could just recycle it. A win-win for everyone.

by hobeg8r on Jun 23, 2008 10:19 AM EDT reply actions

#8,

That’s funny, I thought the Perriloux joke was coming when I read “catfish sexer and Tunica blackjack dealer.”

by Big Jon on Jun 23, 2008 10:21 AM EDT reply actions

R.I.P MZone – good work Yost. Enjoy retirement. Bastard.

by Out of Conference on Jun 23, 2008 10:27 AM EDT reply actions

No Orson….you wanna see how strapped for cash Miss St is. I present this to you sir

http://youtube.com/watch?v=g9g4axEXZdI

And that’s the (former) president of the university….who was a major dick in every way imaginable except the good ways(i can only speculate…..but no one that jogs like they have a pringles can in their ass can possibly be that good at sex)

by SpookyJuice on Jun 23, 2008 10:57 AM EDT reply actions