CLEMSON PLAYER: "HIGH AND AGGRAVATED" ASSAULT
by Orson on Jun 23, 2008 12:15 PM EDT
26 comments
Clemson: already flying high, so to speak. High and aggravated best describes a hippo on PCP, the lead singer of Mastodon anytime after 6 p.m., or us any time between the dates of June 2, 1995 to January 13, 2000. It also, conveniently enough, describes a form of assault in the South Carolina criminal code. Perhaps you weren't aware that South Carolina even had a criminal code, figuring they relied instead on a pastiche of Hammurabian code and a unique "color and cash test." You'd be right, for the most part. (The "color test" is not unique--it's widely used across the South! HA-ha. Racism.)
Bringing us to the case of Clemson defensive back Deandre McDaniel, arrested and charged with "assault and battery of a high and aggravated nature" for doing something high and aggravated on Saturday night in Central, South Carolina. It's nice of them to specify exactly what kind of assault it is, meaning you, too, could rack up colorful charges like "tipsy and poorly committed assault," or "fogged on ketamine and discombobulated" assault, or even the rare "quaalude-addled and giggly slapfighty battery."
Clemson comes into this season as hyped as any Clemson team ever: Cullen Harper is on the Unitas Watch List, Spiller and Davis may be the most vaunted backfield combo since White/Bush (an inapt comparison, since Davis does not carry whole racks of ribs under his flak vest for in-game snacking,) and most everyone daring the absurd venture of a preseason top 25 has them in the top 25. (Us included, though we pull that lever with the robust confidence of a bomb squad cop clipping the blue wire instead of the red.)
By pattern, this means Clemson will botch the preseason ranking, lose three games they shouldn't, and alternate 300 yard rushing games and crushing victories with baffling losses to the Georgia Techs of the world. If we had sense, we'd handle any Clemson hype with sterile tongs, and wouldn't expect much variance in the existing pattern in the Tommy Bowden regime: nine wins has been the ceiling thus far, and in the ACC the week-to-week crab/bucket dynamic should continue.
We will, in retrospect, exert some degree of discretion OMG DAVIS SPILLER BOWERS JESUS BUDDHA ON A FLAMING MOPED!!!!!
Pardon that outburst. Back to reason, if only for a second. One nice thing, though, about Clemson's upcoming campaign that might allay some of your nausea at taking the dive on expecting the great and not merely the good from them: Virginia Tech, a team that has broken out irons and torches on Clemson the past two years, is conveniently off the schedule, meaning the Curse of Jenkins is off the Tigers for the moment. Ten wins, here we come! (Not an insignificant total! Might still leave Clemson fans grumbling depending on the two losses!)
Oh, and three points to Clemson in the Fulmer Cup, updated later today.
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Burger King Cheesy-tots are the unofficial symbol of Clemson U: cheap, orange, greasy discs of obesity made from cows and potatoes.
by woooooohooooooooo on Jun 23, 2008 12:39 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Love that picture of Tommy Bowden. Once Clemson finally fires him (like they’ve been planning on for like thirty years) I think he’s got a legitimate future in politics. He doesn’t even have to have any positions on issues or anything, just look into the camera and give the thumbs up.
Bowden ’12!
by WarCardinals on Jun 23, 2008 12:49 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Paging Coop to the front register…paging Coop…
by chuy on Jun 23, 2008 12:50 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Clemson is overrated this year. The untested o-line and ever-thinning linebacker depth will be their undoing.
by matthought on Jun 23, 2008 12:52 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
chuy at #3,
Good luck with that. He won’t be around until a South Carolina player commits another crime. Which should be in 5, 4, 3…
by Never Leave College on Jun 23, 2008 12:57 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
What a suprise…every time a Clemson player is arrested, it is always, and I mean ALWAYS, by a city or county cop other than the Clemson PD. TB needs to get that memo circulated to other police departments in the area.
by cockengr on Jun 23, 2008 1:48 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Clemson will whip Alabama in the opener…?
by Ltrain on Jun 23, 2008 1:55 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Yeah sure, Clemson will probably find some way to fuck it up, but there seems to be no other logical choice for the ACC Champion. Maybe this will be another year where a Wake Forest comes out of nowhere.
by John on Jun 23, 2008 2:16 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
@6:
That’s because the Clemson PD patrol an area of about 100 yards by 100 yards,and almost all of that space is bars. Now, one would think that would be fertile territory for the CPD, but honest to God I’ve only seen 1 CU football player at a bar in 2 years. And he wasn’t even drinking.
On the other hand, most of the players live in Central… hence the seeming affinity of the Central cops for CU players.
by Tommy Bowden's Mancrush on Jun 23, 2008 2:22 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
The Cleminal hype machine has only just begun to get cranking. Look at this horseshit: http://travisbell.blogspot.com/2008/06/usa-today-assignment.html
But despite Bowden’s habit of tearing apart the Gamecocks, I have to love the way he plays with the Cleminals’ emotions year in and year out.
by Snead on Jun 23, 2008 2:29 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
- - If you mean “habit of tearing apart the Gamecocks” to mean the last 2 games losing to SC by a FG in one of them and the following year winning against SC by a FG, then by all means you are correct, sir. 100 orange overalls to you.
by Out of Conference on Jun 23, 2008 3:10 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
@12
Is that sarcasm? I’m a die hard Gamecock dude. I’m well-versed on Bowden’s success against us. It took three security guards to keep me from hanging myself from the Willy B lights after 63-17.
Maybe you were confused about the use of the word “despite”?
by Snead on Jun 23, 2008 3:23 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
OOC at #12,
Great comment about the orange overalls. For those of you who are fortunate enough to not be around the clemson fans, it is a “tradition” for the students/fans to buy orange overalls and wear them to the game. You have to believe this is true because, well, it’s just too stupid to make up.
by Never Leave College on Jun 23, 2008 3:33 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Sorry Snead – I didn’t detect the sarcasm in your post, and that’s my fault.
by Out of Conference on Jun 23, 2008 3:46 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
“By pattern, this means Clemson will botch the preseason ranking, lose three games they shouldnt, and alternate 300 yard rushing games and crushing victories with baffling losses to the Georgia Techs of the world.”
When did Clemson turn into Arkansas?
And speaking of orange overalls, there used to be a Charleston production of a play named “Romeo was a Gamecock, Juliet was a Tiger” which was a God-awful adaptation of Shakespeare that typically ran in November. Anyone know if that’s still running? Worst. Grade school field trip. Ever.
by Big Jon on Jun 23, 2008 4:18 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I would argue that moving up the Fulmer Cup scoreboard is a promising sign for the future of Clemson football.
All joking aside, this one is bad.
Yeah, you don’t see the football players, except for the OL guys, out drinking in Clemson. I will leave you to draw your own conclusions…
by Coop on Jun 23, 2008 4:59 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Did anyone notice that Deandre McDaniel’s high and aggravated assault resulted in his girlfriend suffering a cervical sprain? Now I’m no doctor (contrary to what my name would have you believe) but what the heck was he beating her with to sprain her cervix? How does that even work? What does the female vagina look like?
by A Doctor on Jun 23, 2008 5:37 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
#6
There is no Clemson PD. In fact, it is an adjunct of the University Post Office. Think petticoat junction.
by IM A MAN IM FORTY on Jun 23, 2008 7:09 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Wait, Snead… one arrest and already we’re the Cleminals??? This coming from a South Carolina fan. Wait, just…. does anyone else see how hard it is to have USC as a rival? Its no use.
by Willy Mac on Jun 23, 2008 8:57 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
#20
Yes, of course! Keying cars and underage drinking are so much worse than beating up your GF…
Heaven knows, teeth in a clemson GF’s head is so gauche.
by nunyabizwax on Jun 23, 2008 11:00 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I’m no doctor either, but they are referring to the lady’s neck I think.
by MBD on Jun 24, 2008 2:49 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Might as well ring up UCF since you’re updating the Cup standings. Punchin’ stop signs and bustin’ pipes:
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/sports/orl-fbcucf2408jun24,0,252874.story
by Pillow Pants on Jun 24, 2008 7:40 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Willy, you’ve been the Cleminals since your Lord and Savior roamed the Upstate. Don’t act like it’s a recent development.
by Snead on Jun 24, 2008 7:45 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Hey now, Tech’s shattering Clemson’s ACC hope every year is a Southern tradition.
by Techie on Jun 24, 2008 10:43 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Coop,
Since I hassled you in the other thread, here’s something good about Clempson & guess where AU got their baseball coach?
http://clemsontigers.cstv.com/view.gal?id=28563
Now, about this…“Yeah, you dont see the football players, except for the OL guys, out drinking in Clemson. I will leave you to draw your own conclusions”
Dearth of gay bars? Plethora?
by Clempson - Not All Douchebaggery on Jun 24, 2008 11:07 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
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