EDSBS » 2008 » June

June 20, 2008

CORRECTIONS, 6/20/2008

Monday’s “The SEC East, Astronomy, & You” feature misidentified a celestial phenomenon seen blazing through the skies over Orlando last week.� The object reported as “[Florida safety] Kyle Jackson still encircling our planet in a torrent of flame following the Capital One Bowl” was, in fact, an early Perseid meteor, although one that seems to share Jackson’s poor choice of tackling angles.� We regret the error.

Artist’s rendering not to scale.

This week’s sidebar poll, on the comparative beauty of COACH Rick Neuheisel <3, contains no mention of Pete Carroll.� After much debate amongst our staff, we came to the conclusion that invoking Pete Carroll in the college football blogosphere carries consequences very similar to those of Godwin’s Law.� He is removed from this discussion because he is removed from us, existing on a higher plane of unicorns and everlasting muscle tone.� This should have been made clearer, and we regret the error.

Yesterday’s “Where Are They Now?” segment on former Auburn coach Terry Bowden stated that the Yahoo(!) columnist has found offseason employment selling turkey legs at a traveling Renaissance Faire concession stand.� Mr. Bowden’s booth sells snow cones.� We regret the error.

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Filed under: we regret the error by Holly

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FULMER CUP: WASHINGTON STATE’S HICKS TICKETED ON WAY HOME FROM JAIL

We’ve had delicious combos in life: vodka and champagne cocktails (the infamous “Stoli/Bolli” combo), Wuerffel to Anthony, being knee-deep in student loan and credit card debt, and that most exquisite of combos, the intestinal virus/stomach flu combo turning a normally continent human being into a double barreled cannonade of bodyfoul. Thanks, Nepal!

Never though have we pulled off the bifecta quite like Xavier Hicks, Jr. did this week. Hicks, whom you may remember most recently as the teammate who kindly assisted another Washington State Cougar with his contact lenses by pouring rubbing alcohol into them, was pulled over for driving on a suspended license on the way home from serving a 45 day sentence in jail.

Who did this? Me, that’s who!

A misdemeanor ticket was issued, and Hicks did not have to return to jail, where he had just served a combined term for the rubbing alcohol incident and a separate fun credit card incident. He does, however, pick up two points for Washington State in the Fulmer Cup, with the additional point coming for the undeniably stylish feat of getting pulled over on the way home from jail, a combo comparable to being caught paying for a prostitute with your wife’s credit card.

Filed under: Blog Buddies, Coaches, the BCS, scandals, arrests, and other eccentri, College football, Fulmer Cup, Pacific 10 Conference, damn that's smooth by Orson Swindle

[ 30 Replies ]

CURIOUS INDEX, 6/20/2008

The mode of thinking this morning after talking with the trainers I’m “working” with (read: being maimed by) is that the only possible reason any discrepancy might exist between the SEC and the Big Ten is talent development. That’s it: not schemes, not odious theories involving weather, nothing but the training they receive and the varying emphases different programs build into their training programs. We’re brewing up a piece on this at SN, but in short think of player development in college football as one exaggerated episode of Top Chef: when everyone’s working with the same produce, how you cut it up and prep it makes all the difference at the margins.

The floating ghostly head of Tom Hammond is all yours. Only on NBC! Notre Dame football! Until 2015, or approximately one-tenth of the way into Charlie Weis’ contract! DID YOU HEAR US IT IS NOTRE DAME FOOTBALL, WHICH YOU MAY WATCH BEFORE AN EXCITING LAW AND ORDER: CRIMINAL INTENT! We didn’t mean to yell, but at NBC we’re extremely proud of anything we do for any reason, up to and including bringing you the next installment of the three-year cyclical virus known as Notre Dame Comeback Fever! Symptoms include inflammation of expectations, heavy hemorrhaging of hope, and death.

Terrelle Pryor shall not run thy scout team, notes SMQ. The Tebow/Leak hydra will rear its head again in Columbus, indicating that if their is a hot fashion from three years ago or more, you may still find it pumped as haute couture in Central Ohio. Have you seen these cargo shorts, man? The pockets! They’re unbelievable. And, you know, it’s embarrassing, but we can’t stop listening to this when we do shrugs.

It’s catchy, right? And totally doesn’t make us gay for liking it, man. Now I gotta go do shrugs.

Leach. Pirates. Again. From Chip Brown’s column--where’s there’s more pirate-fetish details–reasons you may, for all his functional dementia, believe Mike Leach craves the marrow-deep violence at the core of the barbarically beautiful game:

“Very violent. Very intense. Helmets flying. Some fights. All the reasons you have football,” Leach said.

Word.

Just to clarify: if you have a white Bronco and don’t want people reheating OJ jokes from Jay Leno’s peak performance days, then make sure you make it clear by making your own OJ joke. By the way, we’d pull an Allen Bailey alligator act on Jay Leno with glee, something the words “OJ joke” reminded us of instantly. We have few powers, people, but give us one shovel, one Jay Leno, and we will give you one irreparably damaged shitty comic. It’s one of life’s great divides: the necessity for explanation excludes any possibility of comprehension on the listener’s part.