CAL TREESITTERS ILLUSTRATE WHY EWOKS WERE LOUSY NEIGHBORS

“Three for one is a good deal if you’re a treehugger.” – Brent Musberger

I actually found myself at a garden party (that’s how them ‘Dores roll, y’all, don’t hate) with Cal AD Sandy Barbour last weekend. I was about to offer my services to call some of my Alabama and Tennessee relatives who honed their skills picking off encroaching revenoo- revinu— reven—- alcohol tax agents back in the day, and go clean house.

My wife, being the actual Cal alum, refused to entertain the thought that violence was the answer. I countered with a picture of Worrell Williams in non-consensual contact with Erik Ainge last September. Now I’m fixing my own dinner. I don’t want to keep eating Trader Joe’s-brand knockoff Cheerios. This sucks.

Nice try, Orson, but fault-y. The fault you’re speaking of is the San Andreas, which runs from southern California up the SF peninsula. That’s the one which cut loose in 1906 and 1989.

Memorial Stadium sits on the Hayward fault, which runs along the hills of the East Bay. That one’s a timebomb ticking, since it hasn’t had a good rip in over 100 years.

@ PJ from NU in SF – Of course the fault will wait until after the new stadium is completed to break loose, instead of doing it before hand and saving Cal the demolition costs on the old one.

Yub-yub!

PJ— We meant that line entirely seriously, as we do every line of this blog.

One other minor correction: Not last fall, but last *last* fall. They’ve been up there since December 2006.

Orson, I know you take the Internet as seriously as I do.

I have to admit that I hope DC Trojan’s right, because if so, I’ll be somewhere else that day.

Can I just point out that some of the treetards’ previous defense of the grove was that it was a Native American burial ground, and a WWI memorial (it is neither). Nothing says “we respect our ancestors” like heaving feces and urine on their headstones.

Max Zorin approves.

“… throwing urine remains a universally ineffective rhetorical device.”

Says the man who never wore Cornhusker gear at Folsom Field. Colorado fans consider South American soccer fans well-behaved.

If there was ever any doubt that the PAC 10 is a pussy conference, this excerpt removed all doubt:

“…Cal can forge ahead with construction as soon as they remove the protesters from the trees, which they received permission to do back in October anyway.”

AYFKM? They’ve let a bunch of smelly fucktards live in trees eight months after getting the go-ahead to remove them? What the fuck are the douchebags that run Berkley waiting on? Jeezum.

At any SEC school — well, maybe not Florida, because it’s a liberal pussy school — those morons would have been tasered out of the trees post haste.

Well done, Holly. Even this UGA fan gets it.

I remember laughing my ass off at the footage of orange-clad East Tennesseeans looking up at the tree hippies with completely perplexed expressions on their faces. That was until kickoff, of course, at which time my laughter turned into uncontrollable sobbing.

1. -

Youre so right…. and its not just limited to the SEC, but schools that field competitive teams… I promise Mack Brown isnt having to deal with hippy protests everytime he wants to whipe out 4 species of dung bettles for a ew practice field where a bunch of cows used to graze… Jim Tressel could personaly chainsaw the trees down in Columbus that housed ideological retards and no court would find him guilty of any harm… and when was the last time there was a protest, let alone a liberal-hippy-douche one in Morgantown??

“Now, urinating on someone? Totally different, and somewhat effective in limited cases, if a man who looks like R. Kelly BUT IS NOT IN FACT R. KELLY is to be believed.”

They should start piecing the tree down limb by limb leaving the ones the hippies are on. A modern day dual. How sad.

They can’t find a way to bring the people down safely so they have resorted to cutting down all their shelters, supply lines, rope swings, poo buckets etc. The last thing they want to do is give these nut jobs a martyr by accidently killing a treetard while attempting to remove them (also because it’s not nice to kill people -even these people i suppose).

Watching the Vol fans watch the treetards was really fun . Additionally the unique orange color of Vol fans allowed me to see Alcatraz through the fog for the first time ever. That was cool too.

Can you imagine a conversation with their parents?

Q: What does your son/daughter do for a living?
A: He/She is a tree sitter.

Q. You mean like a dog sitter?
A. No, he/she sits in a tree all day long. (Chest puffing with pride) Has been doing that now for 18 months.

Q: Do they – like – get paid?
A: No.

Q: What do they do for entertainment?
A: They throw urine and feces at people trying to get them down.

I don’t know about you – but my dad would have had me down in – what’s shorter than a nanno-second?

#15

You don’t know much about Austin. We are the only Texas county to go Kerry/Edwards in the last election and we can compete with California in a contest for tree huggers per square mile any day.

The only reason no one protested about that hideous dome thing they built so that the players wouldn’t have to practice in 100+ degree heat in August, September and sometimes October, is that UT owned the land and it was already pretty much paved concrete.

Vandy J @ 2

This Cal alumn would have been prefectly happy to engage your Alabama and Tennessee relatives to…err…umm…assist the ladies and gentelmen resident in the fauna to the ground. As a lawya I would want the paperwork in order though.

The best new we’re likely to get this year from Cal football in what promises to be the most unsatisfying season of the Tetford era (sigh).

Would it be ironic justic if the fault suddenly caused an earthquake which then opened up the ground beneath the trees thereby removing the cause of the tree-sitters (unless they want to save dead trees as well) AND having the added benefit of clearing the land for the construction job?

I take a little offense at the people in the Southeastern USA calling the Pac-10 pussies. The city of Bezerkly is a remote microcosm of our culture in California. I remember down Telegraph ave in 1970, my senior year in high school, looking at the assorted collection of freaks, wierdos, acid-heads, and the like, and immediately deciding to attend Stanford. I admit that it took me a little more time, [one year suspension] for being Akademically Illegible, but I still managed to get my Masters degree in Nuclear propulsion/Chromosome duplication technology in a little over 3 years. And for those of you who maybe thinking “He’s Full of Shit”, well YOU try living your life sitting on an Earthquake Fault..“Oh Honey, that large crack in the ceiling ?? Don’t worry, it’s just the house settling”…

Treetards have been up since October because the university doesn’t want to get bad press from ripping out protestors before the judge gives the say-so on tearing down the trees. Berkeley alums may be football crazy, but the city is still a bastion of hippies that smell of dirty asshole.

#12, one slight problem: the injunction against UC says they can’t chop down the trees until the judge rules on the overall case (which has more or less nothing to do with the trees).

You take out the treesitters in October, they just come back…take them out again…they just come back. Waste of manpower and money to try and remove them again and again. There’s nothing UC can do to remove the trees until the judge rules, which is supposed to be today.

Those tree-huggers may be able to defy the “law of the land”, but I seriously doubt they could defy the “law of the gravity.”

Without water you may be able to last 4-5 days. Just like a scared kitten, they’ll come down.

@22

Memphis/St. Louis scoff at your piddly fault.

Hussain @26

Kleph down in Peru laughs at YOUR piddly fault.

Hold on, Jimmy Ray Roy Bob, one Pac 10 team, USC, routinely kicks SEC teams’s butts up and down the field. So exempt the Trojans from your bitchfest. Still, having seen the oakhuggers live and in person last year at SC’s annual beat down of the Stalinsts, I can say there is no better pre-game activity than heckling those fools on the way into the stadium.

@27

Touche’

Yungay…66,000 dead.

New Madrid….????

Good job, Rich. I don’t know if Tanya Roberts is believeable as a geologist. Actually, I don’t care.

“He’ll kill millions!”

During my college search I looked at Cal for its landscape architecture program. After walking around campus for five minutes I came to the conclusion that you have to be Asian or pissed at the world to go there. The People’s Republic of Berkeley indeed.

If a tree full of hippies falls, and no one cares, does it make a sound?

The ROTC cadets should be allowed to pratice gun drill with live ammo in the grove of trees until the hippies come down. Oh wait – I bet Cal doesn;t have ROTC since they kicked military recruiters out of the city.

I frankly feel badly for fans of Tedford’s Teddies. Truly I do.

And then I recover and begin to laugh my silly arse off at the absolute lack of sack displayed by Kal administration.

Quite frankly, no one in the Bay Area (outside of Kal football fans) want the treehuggers to go away, primarily because they’re so damn entertaining. I mean, “Dumpster Muffin” has gotten more play on the local AM talk stations and the newspapers in the last week than DeSean Jackson got in his entire run at Kal.

Back In The Day, you would see riot police with shielded eyes, firing tear gas and clearing a path through Sproul Plaza. And now? The cops are probably saying the following: “Please do not throw urine or feces on me, as I do not wish to be exposed to any kind of disease transmission.”

Dear Bad News Bear fans: You are a large, fairly well-off group of people. And while it may be somewhat polluting, and would certainly put out a largish carbon footprint, surely someone in your group knows someone who is in possession of a chain saw?

The solution to this problem is so blindingly obvious that it is probably lost on the average Kal fan, so let me give you the SJSU approach to the problem. It goes a little bit like this: It is far better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

No one in their right mind is going to walk up to someone holding a running chain saw. So just walk up, do the cuts, and Presto! The tree sitters are out of their trees, and are instead laying supine on a nice pile of firewood.

Problem solved.