VISITING LECTURER: UCLA

by Holly Anderson on Jun 16, 2008 8:00 PM EDT

Teams: there are a lot of them. In our effort to bring you the finest "bullshit" coverage of college football, our Visiting Lecturer Series today welcomes the Gutty Little Bruins, who helm the appropriately titled UCLA blog Gutty Little Bruins. They provide us with your thumbnail sketch of UCLA football and, in addition, also nail the finest answer to our irony-puncturing Jimmy Buffett challenge yet.

One: what color is your season? In other words, please explain the metaphorical state of your program through the metaphor of color:

The UCLA season, and the program, is white. [*cough* --ed.] It's a blank slate, with a new head coach, new players, and a new-HOLY-SHIT-NORM-CHOW-IS-OUR-OFFENSIVE-COORDINATOR-THANK-YOU-JESUS

Two: What historical nation and period do you resemble most right now?

Germany, in the late 1800's after Bismarck united the country. During the entirety of the Karl Dorrell era, UCLA fans fought amongst/embarrassed themselves by either defending or attacking Dorrell. Um...I'm not going to name names, but I'm of the opinion that some people took it a little too far. It's college football. It's not a goddam nuclear war.

Anyways, UCLA fans are all in the same boat for the first time since...ever.

With Norm Chow, DeWayne Walker, and Rick Neuheisel in tow, our football program finally doesn't suck. And, of course, Ben Howland is a pimp in basketball. All is right in the UCLA athletic world.

The only question is...why did it take so friggin' long? We are in Los Angeles, aren't we? oy.

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Germany defeating France in 1870 on its way to unification will be far easier than a supposedly unifed UCLA beating USCw in 2008.

by yoyofutbawl on Jun 17, 2008 10:21 AM EDT reply actions

My Grandmother defeating modern-day France would be an easier feat.

by DoubleDawg05 on Jun 17, 2008 10:31 AM EDT reply actions

All of Los Angeles is not worth the blood of a single Pomeranian Grenadier.

by sullivan013 on Jun 17, 2008 10:33 AM EDT reply actions

The implication of racism is made every time a black coach is fired. Now the Mets are being charged with racism. To quote Hank Hil: “What kinda country is this if I can only hate a man if he’s white?”

by John on Jun 17, 2008 10:46 AM EDT reply actions

#3, with the exception of Manhattan Beach, I completely agree.

by socalbryan on Jun 17, 2008 10:46 AM EDT reply actions

These hyeah are fightin words

USC may have lost to Stanford but on the very same day the mighty Bruins lost to Notre Dame in a game that was literally so terrible it brought children to tears and caused local kittens to throw themselves into traffic.

by Captain Awesome on Jun 17, 2008 10:56 AM EDT reply actions

#6, i completely agree… but we did lose to stanford. the shame.

by socalbryan on Jun 17, 2008 11:00 AM EDT reply actions

He’s right. We always had some fat chicks at our parties.

by GamecockTony on Jun 17, 2008 11:28 AM EDT reply actions

annnnnnnd # 6 has it. You lose to ND in 2007, and, irrespective of the point spread (excepting, of course, the academies and the dukies), and you are DOOOOOOOMED to suckdom.

Of course, USCw, that brings up the entirely fair question of how the Chubbster beats Stanford and you can’t?

P.S. Pls no ULM Joks, thx bai

by Der Schatten on Jun 17, 2008 3:18 PM EDT reply actions

Sorry for the retard-dom. Of COURSE it was UCLA that lost to ND ;)

by Der Schatten on Jun 17, 2008 3:20 PM EDT reply actions

Paul Johnson’s talking the same kind of smack over on North Avenue.

Good luck with that by the way.

by UgasTexan on Jun 17, 2008 4:01 PM EDT reply actions

Holy schnikes!

MICHIGAN RINGTONES

by UgasTexan on Jun 17, 2008 4:02 PM EDT reply actions

YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO!!!

HIT UP DRILLBIT TAYLOR ON July 1ST!!!!

YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO!!!

by Drillbit Taylor on Jun 17, 2008 4:27 PM EDT reply actions

Statistically speaking, Las Vegas odds are not statistics.

by blazin on Jun 17, 2008 9:45 PM EDT reply actions

Manhattan Beach? That place on the weekends looks like a South African country club (no minorities anywhere).

by Shane Sheibani on Jun 18, 2008 12:05 AM EDT reply actions

Question 4 is spot-on. The first and the last will be the best, no doubt. And I may ask my wife to chain me to the toilet the night before the BYU game so that I will be unable to watch what will likely be the lowest moment of the season…

Gutty Little Bruin should start a counter of the number of times we hear the word “Mormon” during UCLA broadcasts.

Nice work, GLB.

by VA Blueblood on Jun 19, 2008 2:24 PM EDT reply actions