KNOWSHON MORENO, BRING THAT BEAT BACK.

by Holly Anderson on Jun 12, 2008 10:30 AM EDT

Via Dawg Sports, of course, comes the side-splittingest breaking tale of the entire offseason: UGA mutant star Knowshon Moreno being forced to write a two-page essay last year on noise pollution following a writeup for loud music in the dorms. I cannot encourage you strongly enough to click through to the documentation itself. Before we even get to what he wrote, there's the hyperreaction of the Boss Queen of the Conduct Review Board (naturally named "Brad"), who announced---go on, say this out loud without sneering: "...that Knowshon had not fulfilled the original conditions of the sanction regarding formatting of the research paper". It gets better (emphasis added for spite):

On October 31, 2006, Knowshon responded to Brad but resubmitted the same incorrect sanction. Brad once again informed Knowshon that he needed to format the paper correctly and resubmit the sanction. In addition, he warned Knowshon about the possibility of having his record flagged...

And then there's the essay itself. From the conclusion:

To show the responsibility that I have gained over this situation I was recently asked in my room one night after quiet hours if I could do a back flip. My answer to this was yes because I can, but I kindly stated that I would not be able to perform this act at the time because I did not want to disturb my fellow neighbors below and around me.

He goes on to state that he will resolve this issue by living off-campus next year. The document further informs us that Knowshon's record "remains flagged." Knowshon himself....does not.

Clearly, the wrath of Brad has had devastating and far-reaching consequences.

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Comments

I, for one, would love to see “the circumstances that took place in room 505 one past Saturday night.”

by Domer Guy on Jun 12, 2008 10:38 AM EDT reply actions

I’m betting Brad is very particular about his TPS reports. Don’t forget your cover sheet, Knowshon. And remember, your sanction must be submitted with at least 27 pieces of flair.

by Busted Draft Pick on Jun 12, 2008 10:41 AM EDT reply actions

Knowshon isn’t going to let the dorm man keep him down. He’s moving so he can do backflips and listen to music whenever he wants.

Honestly I got busted for this too. I served time by writing then placing notices indicating to all of my O House brethren that being loud during finals is bad. Man was I scared straight.

by crane on Jun 12, 2008 10:46 AM EDT reply actions

I’m fond of the “Hate Crime” election. What are all the options there?

Hate Crime?
Not a Hate Crime?
Crime of Passion?
Mild Annoyance Crime?

Noise violations should be categorized as a “hate crime.”

by lance harbor on Jun 12, 2008 10:57 AM EDT reply actions

You just can’t make this stuff up.
http://media.collegepublisher.com/media/paper871/documents/p943507i.pdf

This site is a great way to keep me from finishing work for a client. And for that, I thank you. I don’t need to eat or fill my car with gas.

by blon57 on Jun 12, 2008 11:02 AM EDT reply actions

If he could just work in some extra characters into his writing, like a midget, a lion, or wood- Knowshon would have it all.

by Out of Conference on Jun 12, 2008 11:05 AM EDT reply actions

Let me see, two pages double-spaced in 12-point font . Using creative margins you could complete this in about six words.

You know Brad is throwing a hissy fit right now.

by Sundawg on Jun 12, 2008 11:10 AM EDT reply actions

Work Sited, son. Noiseshon Moreno: Comedic genius

by WorstFan on Jun 12, 2008 11:10 AM EDT reply actions

Wow, considering in the mid 80’s, part of our dorm dues were openly used to fund a kegger, I suddenly feel old. Not as old as Brad, though.

by BamaCPA on Jun 12, 2008 11:12 AM EDT reply actions

You guys gotta lay off Brad. People like him are the thin red line between us and anarchy.

by CKGator on Jun 12, 2008 11:19 AM EDT reply actions

So, the “good ole boys” of Georgia have turned into … Brad.

by mastorgator on Jun 12, 2008 11:24 AM EDT reply actions

Now that thousands of UGA fans now have Brad’s email address, I wonder how many friendly emails he will be getting in 12-font type or otherwise. Friendly word of advice: Change your email, Brad!

by hobeg8r on Jun 12, 2008 11:27 AM EDT reply actions

and by anarchy you mean Knowshon running for 150+ again on your defense at the WLOCP this year

by allyourkegsarebelongtostafford on Jun 12, 2008 11:28 AM EDT reply actions

this brad guy is 33 years old according to his facebook profile. what a loser.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=4911343

by allyourkegsarebelongtostafford on Jun 12, 2008 11:32 AM EDT reply actions

It is a good thing Brad isn’t in charge of a sorority or fraternity house. It wouldn’t be pretty. Quiet time from 2 a.m. to 10 a.m.? My sorority got going at 2 a.m.

by blon57 on Jun 12, 2008 11:32 AM EDT reply actions

Just a wild guess here, but I have this image of Brad looking exactly like Jeremy Piven’s character in “Old School.”

by Doug on Jun 12, 2008 11:32 AM EDT reply actions

Well, that is what you get for running countertops in your cleats, Knowshon.

Click-clack.

by Allahver Fist on Jun 12, 2008 11:33 AM EDT reply actions

A new ‘tribute’ beer commercial needs to be made:

“Here’s to you, Mr. Nit-Picky Conduct Review Board Member With A Napolean Complex…”

One thing about Mr. Moreno’s paper that bugged me, and I do not intend it as a slam on him or the U. of Georgia or its student athletes: the way he demarked his citations (“(site 1)”). Now, the fact that Mr. Moreno had to even write a referenced paper in this circumstance is f—-ing ridiculous; however, seeing this in his paper brought back many a bad memory of having to make my way through college papers that had been written by folks who had clearly never been taught how to write a paper or how to use and demark citations. What the hell is going on in our high schools?

OK, rant over. I wish to commend Mr. Moreno for not wringing Brad’s neck, though I believe that it would have been a valuable public service.

by GeronimoRumplestiltskin on Jun 12, 2008 11:42 AM EDT reply actions

How many Fulmer Cup points does this qualify UGA for? .002?

by chefboyardee on Jun 12, 2008 11:46 AM EDT reply actions

Just another reason Georgia is pumped, prime, and poised for a MNC. that and the fact that God is on Mark Right’s side.

by ThreenOut on Jun 12, 2008 11:57 AM EDT reply actions

This report didn’t even anonymize Brad’s apparent email address….

by mb on Jun 12, 2008 12:09 PM EDT reply actions

When am I going to learn never to read this blog with anything in my mouth that might come out through my nose?

allyourkegsarebelongtostafford, I think I love you.

by Miss HornDawg on Jun 12, 2008 12:19 PM EDT reply actions

Brad was toilet-trained 3 days.

by austin dave on Jun 12, 2008 12:20 PM EDT reply actions

that would be “in three days.”

by austin dave on Jun 12, 2008 12:21 PM EDT reply actions

Brad = The Gay Nedermeyer. For some reason I portend a beating in his future.

by Rydercup on Jun 12, 2008 12:31 PM EDT reply actions

aaand, the “victim”

http://profile.ak.facebook.com/profile5/616/73/n4909402_912.jpg

by gosouthgohard on Jun 12, 2008 12:32 PM EDT reply actions

Cheeeeese!

by Tater Salad on Jun 12, 2008 12:33 PM EDT reply actions

(Site 3): From now on, all references must describe him as “Knowshon Rockwell Moreno.” This is far more important than always writing “COACH MARK RICHT.”

(Site 4): KRM will be an acceptable substitute for Knowshon Rockwell Moreno.

by ya lawya on Jun 12, 2008 12:38 PM EDT reply actions

See what happens when your coach encourages open defiance of the rule of law?

by zzgator on Jun 12, 2008 12:40 PM EDT reply actions

If you check out Brad’s facebook account, you will notice that is a fan of the nerd herd and a grad of USuCk. No wonder he had a hard on for Moreno.

by DawgPhan on Jun 12, 2008 12:43 PM EDT reply actions

True fact dept:

Knowshon is a combination of his parents names…Knowledge and Verashon.

by hunglikehussain on Jun 12, 2008 1:05 PM EDT reply actions

Doesn’t Moreno live in the athletic dorm? There were no rules in that dorm when I went to school. And I mean none……

by Last Dragon on Jun 12, 2008 1:08 PM EDT reply actions

I am sure Hershel Walker never had to deal with such things, since he was more famous….I picture Hershel in 1980 playing the music way too loud and inside the dorm would be Vince Dooley and the AD and staff, dancin on the bar, especially after that Tennesee game….you would have be a total Nazi…
VCA? WTF is that? Viet Cong Advisor?

by Mr Pelican Pants on Jun 12, 2008 1:08 PM EDT reply actions

When he started to break down noise pollution, I was hoping for a George Costanza-esque “manure” exercise.

THIS IS A SERIOUS ISSUE PEOPLE!

Noise pollution is the 1,343,875,376th most common cause of death on campus at UGA, right after Chupacabra attacks and just ahead of gloriously choreographed cavalry flanking maneuvers from the armies of Charlemagne.

by EmotionalFescue on Jun 12, 2008 1:37 PM EDT reply actions

Is that a Public Enemy reference in the title? If so, nicely done.

by Brian O'Blivion on Jun 12, 2008 1:40 PM EDT reply actions

Sorry, but That Dog is gonna have to side with Brad on this one.

by NativeSon on Jun 12, 2008 2:02 PM EDT reply actions

I like that he cited Wikipedia in his essay. You might as well just cite “the internet”.

by karlhungus12 on Jun 12, 2008 3:10 PM EDT reply actions

Brad can suck it FWIW!!!

by AWGUAM on Jun 12, 2008 5:40 PM EDT reply actions

is georgia’s fight song really “i’ll be workin on the railroad” ? at least they’re celebrating the fact that they’re employed (presumably, could just have high hopes after the initial interview)…

by tempebamafan on Jun 12, 2008 5:50 PM EDT reply actions

zzgayturd………..gfy*

by AWGUAM on Jun 12, 2008 5:56 PM EDT reply actions

tempebama-

Uh, no. But Texas does use that.

Thanks for playing.

by Hobnail_Boot on Jun 12, 2008 6:19 PM EDT reply actions

@18

What’s happening in our schools is that teachers are being forced to make things fun and entertaining while simulatneously having to be more concerned about standardized test scores than helping students learn something they might actually have to use in college (oh, I don’t know, like writing research papers).

[/soapbox]

by Will on Jun 12, 2008 11:38 PM EDT reply actions

Could someone with video editing skills please place this cut next to Rainey’s in the spring game, then fade to black and superimpose “Nov. 1, 2008. All you know is at an end.”, please?

by This Guy on Jun 12, 2008 11:46 PM EDT reply actions

#34… Chupacabra? A gallon of Hendricks Gin for you! Well done.

by Hunker Down Dawg on Jun 13, 2008 12:21 AM EDT reply actions

I know Brad. He’s the head of housing for East Campus Village at UGA. Needless to say, he has a huge stick up his ass.

by VivaLaStafford on Jun 13, 2008 1:26 AM EDT reply actions

#34…I commend you on your accuracy, as per the safety knowledge I gathered at UGA while participating in the war-themed Charlemagne musical “Pippin” and a Spanish class presentation on the Chupacabra, I’d say you are right on.

by ruteger on Jun 13, 2008 10:36 AM EDT reply actions

For those of you wondering, the athletes share ECV with non-athletes (lived in the ECV my senior year).

Also, why the hell was Moreno getting pumped about UGA/Ole Miss ’06? That game su-huh-huh-hucked. Watching that game made me think we were about to get our brains blown out by Tennessee. Which…we did.

by D.N. Nation on Jun 13, 2008 12:39 PM EDT reply actions