MIND YOU: THAT'S PROFESSIONAL AIRBRUSHING THERE

by Orson on Jun 11, 2008 10:24 AM EDT

This isn't a three dollar operation lady, no under-the-bridge homeless fiesta with eight cans of sterno and a shopping cart full of Wild Irish Rose. This is a proper graduation party. And that's not body paint slapped on your tits by some geeked-up high school senior: it's professional airbrushing. Have some respect for art when you see it, no matter the medium, ok?

My "son's" grad party is gonna rock. What? Those weren't finger quotes I used. Why do you ask?

I need 4 ladies who don't mind wearing body paint for my sons going off to College Party. There will be a University of Florida theme so you will have UF football uniforms professionally airbrushed on your upper body but you will be wearing blue boy shorts. You will be compensated $100 per hour for serving drinks and finger foods plus any tips you receive.

That's right. We'll have finger foods too, baby. There's stages to this Atlas Rocket of good times. Look at the place! It's like a Joe's Crab Shack commercial BUT WITH AIRBRUSHED TITTIES!!! Seriously, if you feel like doing anything else with my "son," I mean, we can negotiate it on a service-by-service basis, okay? I'm gonna film it, too. Not creepy at all. Nope. Just be over here with the camera, okay?

GO CRAZY WITH IT! And move your hair when you do that. It blocks the shot.

(Editor's note: The ad has been flagged for removal, because even Craigslist found it too sketchy for their standards. Metrofilmz, whatever that is, also requested models on Craigslist London, which we're sure was just coincidence.)

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Some people should not be allowed to reproduce.

by blon57 on Jun 11, 2008 10:43 AM EDT reply actions

And, hopefully, the father was planning this party and not the mother???

by blon57 on Jun 11, 2008 10:44 AM EDT reply actions

I’d like to write a letter of recommendation for the son to my old fraternity. I will expect airbrushed titties and Yuengling for FSU Weekend in return.

by Allahver Fist on Jun 11, 2008 10:45 AM EDT reply actions

I bet Orson’s favorite Jenn has already answered that ad.

O, how conflicted would you be viewing the cowgirl in blue and orange ?

by BamaCPA on Jun 11, 2008 10:51 AM EDT reply actions

What a kick ass dad!

Following the link he says;

“email pics to determine if your have the right figure for the theme”

Well thought sir!

by AULIVESNFTWORTH on Jun 11, 2008 11:06 AM EDT reply actions

Wow. Can I relive my college years with that kid as my roommate? Wait, on second thought, I probably wouldn’t have graduated.

by Brian O'Blivion on Jun 11, 2008 11:08 AM EDT reply actions

If a kid lives a life where this is possible, then that kid probably doesn’t deserve it.

by bk on Jun 11, 2008 11:22 AM EDT reply actions

Read:
Wanted: 4 strung out meth chicks who haven’t quite yet reached that “WTF is up with your face and missing teeth” stage. Because to deal with the dehumanizing stuff we will be throwing at you during this “graduation party” you will defeniately need to be on something to take the edge off. Applicants preferabley have not seen Requeim For A Dream.

I could go on…but it pretty much writes itself from here.

by Teddy Dupay on Jun 11, 2008 11:36 AM EDT reply actions

He fixes the cable?

by BeaverJohn on Jun 11, 2008 11:46 AM EDT reply actions

9 replies and no one has mentioned Holly.

She does have experience.

by hunglikehussain on Jun 11, 2008 11:55 AM EDT reply actions

hunglikehussain @ 10 – Go ahead and ask her then.

(It’s been nice knowing you.)

by DC Trojan on Jun 11, 2008 12:45 PM EDT reply actions

@7
maybe I’m jealous (even at my age), but what 17 18 year kid could possibly DESERVE that?

by NativeSon on Jun 11, 2008 12:54 PM EDT reply actions

NativeSon @ 12…none…not one. Dammit.

by sb on Jun 11, 2008 1:14 PM EDT reply actions

WTF? What does this kid have to live for with that as his high school graduation party?

Even without getting into the larger sociological issues of why this is wrong, on a micro level, that family is fucked up.

by Clem on Jun 11, 2008 1:17 PM EDT reply actions

@ 9

BeaverJohn – well played Lebowski reference. I underestimated you.

by Teddy Dupay on Jun 11, 2008 2:39 PM EDT reply actions

shouldn’t that ad have included jorts – not blue boy shorts?

by Last Dragon on Jun 11, 2008 3:10 PM EDT reply actions

Last Dragon,
Funny enough, jorts are blue and shorts…

by Jonathan on Jun 11, 2008 3:24 PM EDT reply actions

If you really want to get an incoming Florida student excited, you don’t even need to go to this length. I’m sure Tim Tebow will do a personal appearance if it’s creatively labeled as community work.

by Signal to Noise on Jun 11, 2008 3:51 PM EDT reply actions