This isn’t a three dollar operation lady, no under-the-bridge homeless fiesta with eight cans of sterno and a shopping cart full of Wild Irish Rose. This is a proper graduation party. And that’s not body paint slapped on your tits by some geeked-up high school senior: it’s professional airbrushing. Have some respect for art when you see it, no matter the medium, ok?

My “son’s” grad party is gonna rock. What? Those weren’t finger quotes I used. Why do you ask?

I need 4 ladies who don’t mind wearing body paint for my sons going off to College Party. There will be a University of Florida theme so you will have UF football uniforms professionally airbrushed on your upper body but you will be wearing blue boy shorts. You will be compensated $100 per hour for serving drinks and finger foods plus any tips you receive.

That’s right. We’ll have finger foods too, baby. There’s stages to this Atlas Rocket of good times. Look at the place! It’s like a Joe’s Crab Shack commercial BUT WITH AIRBRUSHED TITTIES!!! Seriously, if you feel like doing anything else with my “son,” I mean, we can negotiate it on a service-by-service basis, okay? I’m gonna film it, too. Not creepy at all. Nope. Just be over here with the camera, okay?

GO CRAZY WITH IT! And move your hair when you do that. It blocks the shot.

(Editor’s note: The ad has been flagged for removal, because even Craigslist found it too sketchy for their standards. Metrofilmz, whatever that is, also requested models on Craigslist London, which we’re sure was just coincidence.)