Barkevious Mingo has company. While LSU may have Barkevious Mingo locked up for the time being, Virginia Tech has narrowed the mineshaft gap, Mr. President, in the all-consuming race to stock the roster with outstandingly improbable names. The Hokies have landed a verbal from Pulaski County running back…Nubian Peak. Next up on Frank Beamer’s recruit list: Aryan Pluperfect, Persian Superlative, and Etruscan Supreme.

LSU’s claim to have the fastest college football player ever in the form of Trindon Holliday may be accurate on the face of things, but he’s not the fastest guy to ever play football. That may be Bob Hayes, the Cowboys wideout who ran sub 10 times in the 100m in college and in the Olympics before switching to football post-college.

Still, Holliday is still disgustingly fast, a point that should not be lost in fine bickering over the details.

Outrunning all those men in singlets doesn’t happen because they’re not trying.

Cake Rocks the Party got into the Adderall and cranked out 119 teams and 119 reasons to root for them, with the notable exception of Notre Dame, who has this under their entry:

There is no reason whatsoever to cheer for Notre Dame.

Oh, Pepper the Notre Dame Comeback Dolphin could not disagree with you more, sir, but he forgives you simultaneously sir, and offers to share a pint and and a herring plate with you at the public house of nearest convenience.

Sam Maresh, a linebacker recruit described by Minnesota head coach Tim Brewster as “a standard-bearer” for the team, has to have his aortic valve repaired or replaced in heart surgery. This begs the question: did Glen Mason know something we didn’t? Like that the Metrodome is built over an Indian burial mound filled with the bones of guys who were only picked on by football players?

Personal reasons. They’ll do that. Kansas loses two players to “personal reasons” and “violating team rules.” Like, say, posting a picture Mark Mangino’s champagne bucket on the internet?