CURIOUS INDEX, 6/9/2008

by Orson on Jun 9, 2008 8:55 AM EDT

Self-confidence is the confidence of the self which is the opposite of impossible. Weird-ass headlines continue to linger about regarding the departure of the Big East's longtime head Mike Tranghese, like the following from ESPN: Big East schools' self-confidence puts Tranghese at ease. The schools of the Big East obviously lacked strong father figures and did not respond to our self-esteem curriculum a few years back. Confidence is important, you know. Guys like Ted Bundy and Robert Vesco had it in spades, and look where they are today.

If you need instruction in confidence, look no further than Michael Cera, an expert in the principles of personal development.

He'll have you feeling as cocksure as Cincinnati athletics in no time.

Sweden's the greatest if you get someone to pay the rent. Sometimes small school college football has unforeseeable and excellent results: G.C. McCoy, an Oklahoma native and former player at Ottawa (Kan.) University, ended up playing for a Swedish league football team. His life sounds like an unending hell of uninterrupted workout sessions, free rent, and kinky sex.

"I have a great life here," he said. "I just work out, coach and play football games on Saturday, then go out and meet women on the weekend in Stockholm."

Courage, man. You'll survive it yet.

Marilyn Vos Savant, we are your college football writer. Evidently, our article on West Virginia's impending mere "goodness" brought the best out of 'Eer commenters:

This is the weirdest article I may have ever read. The words this ignorant person tried to use are repulsive. Who in the world does he think is going to read this a nobel prize winner, what a joke. I believe that this guy has probaly never steped foot on a playing field and i bet that he had his lunch stole from him at school everyday. What a loser, he needs to go write for some magazine that id directed toward people with IQ's in the 1000's. This was not up to Sporting News standards.

Maxim can be mindbending if you read it before a few cups of meth. We mean, coffee. By the way, we have Cal fans who read this blog, meaning we do expect Nobel prize winners to read our writing. George Smoot likes a cleanly run iso play as much as anyone else.

John Walters lists his top ten games for 2008, and if you read it and actually start thinking about the games, you'll kick a hole in the wall out of excitement.

Doug of the eminently funny Hey Jenny Slater turned 30, and likely just discovered something about turning 30: the "maelstrom of booze" approach toward a night of drinking that once merely made your inner Hrothgar laugh at the storm now leaves you a very, very unhappy Viking.

The very last memory I have of that night is of two drinks sitting in front of me: a tequila shot and a partially-consumed glass of Scotch.

I, uh, don't recommend it.

Neither do we, Doug. If you have to touch brown liquor after 30, be sure to stick to the two-stage Goddard Rocket school of drinking: one liquor for ignition, then switch to a solid booster to finish out the evening. Vodka and champagne is a good combo, since you want to work from high proof to low proof as the evening goes on, unless you're the sort of person who believes in kicking in the afterburners fifty feet prior to massive, fatal impact with the ground. (The "Launchpad McQuack School of Drinking.")

It's a plane crash either way, but we like to land belly down on the tarmac.

Tweet Comment 28 comments | 0 recs |

Do you like this story?

Comments

Doesn’t Sweden have the world’s highest suicide rate, per capita or something?

I have never understood that statistic, judging by the women you see on TV.*

- Never visited Sweden.

by Coop on Jun 9, 2008 9:05 AM EDT reply actions

Speaking of drinking, Snake Stabler managed to get a DUI this weekend.

by doubtingthomas on Jun 9, 2008 9:06 AM EDT reply actions

i bet that he had his lunch stole from him at school everyday

nope. according to his mom it was his sister that would steal his sandwich.

by kleph on Jun 9, 2008 9:07 AM EDT reply actions

BYU vs. Washington? Seriously? That’s on his top ten?

by John on Jun 9, 2008 9:15 AM EDT reply actions

VT – Nebraska? In what parallel universe is that a game with national title implications?

by In My Seat 90 Minutes Before Kickoff on Jun 9, 2008 9:27 AM EDT reply actions

Orson, you’ve accurately described every birthday I’ve had since I turned 23. I try to weather the evening with a certain amount of restraint and awareness of my current condition. It’s a lot like piloting a scientific research vessel throught the carribean: Have a lot of fun, but remember I have a job to do in the morning. The high-to-low approach serves me well for the majority of the night, but I have learned that no amount of strategy can overcome birthday fever. It’s only a matter of time before some asshat claiming to be my friend says “hey man, you haven’t had any tequila yet”. This effectively opens all the monkey cages on the ship and I sail bow-first into Havana Harbor.

by CincySooner on Jun 9, 2008 9:35 AM EDT reply actions

Ducktales? +1

by Klak on Jun 9, 2008 9:48 AM EDT reply actions

From what I’ve heard, the high Sweedish suicide rate has something to do with the six months of darkness that they call winter.

by John on Jun 9, 2008 10:03 AM EDT reply actions

From TSN comments: “Matt Hayes and Spencer Hall and all the rest of the national media (i.e. Lee Corso, Lou Holtz and any of the rest of the ESPN crew whose names start with a letter) are going to dump on WVU and Coach Stewart.”

Holy shit. Spencer’s been commodified. “National media.”

I predict the fall of EDSBS, rising gas prices, the return of the Hale Bopp crew, and armageddon.

Damn national media.

by E. Normus Johnson on Jun 9, 2008 10:03 AM EDT reply actions

The worst part is, I think someone offered to buy me a shot and I chose tequila.

I had dreams later that night of Jack Donaghy standing over me in a detox ward murmuring, “I hope you’re happy with the choices you’ve made.”

by Doug on Jun 9, 2008 10:04 AM EDT reply actions

Doug—

PILOT ERROR.

by Orson Swindle on Jun 9, 2008 10:05 AM EDT reply actions

Ohio State v. Wisconsin? I know it’s at Wisconsin, but they’re still going to be breaking in a QB at that time. Talk about trial by fire.

Also, I’ve finally decided to become a blogger. Interesting side-note: After your first post, there’s a knock on the door, followed by someone running into the bedroom, taking all your condoms, while saying, “You won’t be needing these anymore.” I don’t know if he intends me to stay sexless or start having unprotected sex, but well played.

by Ground0EastLansing on Jun 9, 2008 10:18 AM EDT reply actions

Fantastic start this morning, fellas. The “Hale Bopp crew” and the "You wont be needing these anymore comments nearly caused a diet coke eruption out of my piehole.

What is this top ten list you speak of? It can’t be a legitimate top ten list, as ND is nowhere on the map (or even on the “10 other key games” link!). For shame.*

- Not really.

by Domer Guy on Jun 9, 2008 10:31 AM EDT reply actions

BYU vs. Washington?? That’s a fucking joke. I wouldn’t even watch that match-up if it was the only game on.

by MeatSummers on Jun 9, 2008 10:37 AM EDT reply actions

When did Nebraska become relevant? For that matter look who else ain’t on the top 10 list:

USChikin
Ole Pi$$
Memphis State
Phat Phil
FAMU
TAMU
JoPa
Slippery Rock
Wooford
Millsaps
Capn Arrrrrr

All of these are far more relevant than the Lil’ Red Machine.

by yoyofutbawl on Jun 9, 2008 11:05 AM EDT reply actions

For some reason (perhaps the ranting ’Eer preceding it) I read the preview as “John Waters top ten.” Now, the voice in my head just sounds ridiculous.

by jakldawg on Jun 9, 2008 11:17 AM EDT reply actions

It’s YouTube clips like that that keep me from being jealous that The Girl harbors a disturbing crush for Michael Cera.

by Todd on Jun 9, 2008 11:27 AM EDT reply actions

“…and tailback Knowshon Moreno may be the most exciting player in the SEC never to have performed a briss.”
nicely done.
Good list, mostly, but I wouldn’t mind another season like last year with some good upset victories and some dark horses galloping into the top-10. Just as long as everyone gets a chance to treat Ohio State like a prison prom date, then it’s a fair world.
I mean- we would have never known about singlet guy if it weren’t for USF beating some good teams, and where would that have left civilization?

by Excuse me Stewardess, but I speak jive on Jun 9, 2008 11:53 AM EDT reply actions

I just about spit out my honey sweetened red tea as I was relaxing from some advanced price theory studies by deciphering some quipus and listening to a recording of a George Akerlof lecture before I crocheted a hyperbolic shape.

Thank you for the Cal love.
Nobel Prize is Cal’s battle cry!
Go Bears!

by Anonymous IV on Jun 9, 2008 11:54 AM EDT reply actions

Is the legal age of consent in Sweden 15 the cause of the suicide rate being so high (unwanted women over 28) OR is it because of the lacking number of adults left to Noel Devine it up with?…. talk about a chicken/egg scenario…

by beckett on Jun 9, 2008 11:55 AM EDT reply actions

- I was thinking it had to do with socialized medicine.

by Coop on Jun 9, 2008 11:59 AM EDT reply actions

I thought the WVU piece was spot on, just sayin’.

by stockman on Jun 9, 2008 12:38 PM EDT reply actions

Orson, nice LCD Soundsystem reference

by NDTom on Jun 9, 2008 12:50 PM EDT reply actions

You mentioned Cal! Remember there is no such thing as Stanfurdium.

by OaklandBear on Jun 9, 2008 12:50 PM EDT reply actions

You need to keep that WVU shit to a minimum. All of a sudden you will have 500 comments per article on how awesum WVU is gonna be this year. Those bastards are like AIDS, you ain’t never gettin rid of them. We beg of you, do not tempt the methmouths…

by Dumpster Baby on Jun 9, 2008 12:51 PM EDT reply actions