Li’l Red is the inflatable sideline mascot for Nebraska. He terrifies us like no other mascot, a jiggling amoebic giant with a toddler’s face who moves with a herky-jerky gait and will, at his most frightening moments, walk on his disturbingly short hands. He’s like something out of a David Lynch movie, and we don’t mean something good out of a David Lynch movie like an extremely long lesbian love scene with Naomi Watts. We mean something like the heartplugs from Dune, or the midget from Twin Peaks. He simply scares the hide off of us.

Anyway, we thought he would have the same effect on people throughout human history. Thus, a fictional premise was cooked up and sent to LSUFreek. We just stood behind a blast shield and waited for the returned project to explode into our inbox, and explode it did. Any and all credit goes to him and him alone, especially for the phrase “Baby Geezus in a Chicken Basket!”

EDSBS presents: Adventures in Time With Li’l Red. (Click for a larger image)

All praise to Freek, and stay tuned for more Adventures in Time with L’il Red, kids!