CURIOUS INDEX, 6/3/08
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App State ticket sales are up 62 percent from last season, and boy howdy, they should be. There’s not that much to do in Boone besides get baked, ski, and drink beer. Um, revise: in shocking news, App State football tickets are up 62 percent from last year, an astonishing development given the plethora of awesome things to do in the Boone, NC area. The biggest obstacle to the creation of an SEC network? It’s just too damn valuable as it is. In other news: having a big penis has its drawbacks, being rich will only make you mostly happy, being good-looking means people may never take your ideas seriously, and your naturally toned and large pectoral muscles mean shirts never quite have that casual fit you like. Dan McCarney, you sexy phoenix you. Former Iowa State head coach Dan McCarney is now the defensive line coach/assistant head coach at Florida, a rebirth of his coaching career beginning with the superlative work he did with USF’s defensive line last season. If you’re a Florida fan this is superb news, since last year the defensive line spent most passing downs playing patty-cake with laughing, bemused offensive linemen. He does, however, drop an awkward phrase here. The impact of Gator Nation is really high. Literally, dude.
Speaking of: Wisconsin beats Florida in the finals of the national Ultimate Frisbee competition. The Big Ten’s crucial possession receiver advantage surely came into play here. Ivan Maisel continues to earn batted eyelashes from us for his superb reportage during the Coaches Tour of the Middle East. The coaches took part in a round table, and Mark Richt wins the title of Mr. Humility for his blunt summary of his post-athletic career. Richt: As far as getting into coaching: I tried to play pro ball, got cut by the Denver Broncos within a week’s time. And then I tried to be a life insurance agent, and my boss got thrown in jail. So I quit that. I tried to sell memberships in a club, and the boss fired me for not being productive enough. I started valeting cars. Got in real good shape, thought I could play ball again. Tried out for the Dolphins. Got cut real fast again. And then I needed a job. I look in the newspaper and found a job as a bartender. Got fired about the second week of being a bartender. The guy who fired me, he told me to stick around at 2 a.m., he had a job for me. I started cleaning the bar after everybody left., from 2 a.m. to 10 a.m. After I got really desperate doing that, after a week or two, I thought, there’s gotta be something I can do with my skill set. I said, I know. I’ll be a coach. Remember: past failure is funny, especially when regarded from atop a pile of presently held money. |
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1
gerry dorsey says:
“having a big penis has its drawbacks”
preachin’ to the choir brother…preachin’ to the choir
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:16 am
2
Mitch Cumstein says:
I wonder when Mark found the time to find Jesus? Before or after donating plasma?
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:17 am
3
Allahver Fist says:
Nice little ditty by Richt, but the Herschel Walkers did all that shit in one day.
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:25 am
4
chuy says:
Will cable companies have boost their bandwidth in order to handle all that speed?
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:26 am
5
Will Collier says:
I heartily second Orson Spencer Mellencamp’s Maisel kudos, and add that everybody should check out Maisel’s most recent ESPN podcast, which is also related to the Coaches Of Arabia trip. It’s outstanding, it’s on iTunes, and it’s free (search for “college football insider podcast”).
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:34 am
6
yoyofutbawl says:
Two glaring omissions for Boone activities – golf & Jager shots at Canyons in Blowing Rock.
Click on the view cam. http://www.canyonsbr.com
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:36 am
7
Doug says:
Gerry Dorsey @ #1 seconded.
When people make fun of me for driving a little VW Jetta, I just tell them I’m undercompensating for being hung like a rhinoceros.
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:36 am
8
GamecockTony says:
@YoYo,
You forgot “banging hippie chicks.”
Now I believe that list is complete.
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:47 am
9
jwoolf1 says:
Who knew Richt could wax so Dylan-esque? From a 1966 Playboy interview with Dylan, re: getting into college coaching rock and roll:
“Carelessness. I lost my one true love. I started drinking. The first thing I know, I’m in a card game. Then I’m in a crap game. I wake up in a pool hall. Then this big Mexican lady drags me off the table, takes me to Philadelphia. She leaves me alone in her house, and it burns down. I wind up in Phoenix. I get a job as a Chinaman. I start working in a dime store, and move in with a 13-year-old girl. Then this big Mexican lady from Philadelphia comes in and burns the house
down.
I go down to Dallas. I get a job as a “before” in a Charles Atlas “before and after” ad. I move in with a delivery boy who can cook fantastic chili and hot dogs. Then this 13-year-old girl from Phoenix comes and burns the house down. The delivery boy—he ain’t so mild: He gives her the knife, and the next thing I know I’m in Omaha. It’s so cold there, by this time I’m robbing my own bicycles and frying my own
fish.
I stumble onto some luck and get a job as a carburetor out at the hot-rod races every Thursday night. I move in with a high school teacher who also does a little plumbing on the side, who ain’t much to
look at, but who’s built a special kind of refrigerator that can turn newspaper into lettuce. Everything’s going good until that delivery boy shows up and tries to knife me. Needless to say, he burned the house down, and I hit the road.
The first guy that picked me up asked me if I wanted to be a star. What could I say?”
Mark Richt: Tangled up in red and black.
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:48 am
10
DC Trojan says:
I would think that losing at ultimate frisbee would be a good thing, although not fielding a team would be even better. Talk about a race to the bottom.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:01 am
11
ChemE93 says:
Did Richt say whether that dive where he bartended/janitored also fried catfish? If so, that story could get even better.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:05 am
12
Dante says:
So is anyone else picturing Richt working at the bar in the Muppet Movie where Kermit meets Fozzie or is that just me?
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:18 am
13
chg says:
If you look at the full results on the Ultimate Frisbee website, you find they have a “Team Spirit” ranking. I’m guessing it’s just a 1 to 5 score for “Did not act like total jackasses to officials, opponents, and random passersby.” Florida finished last.
I want to make a joke, but realize my college self would have scored poorly in team spirit in almost any remotely competitive event I participated in.
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:25 am
14
sb says:
Allahver @ #3…yeah, I love reading about the Hershels…all of ‘em.
Game @ #8…you beat me to it!
jwoolf1@ #9…well done, although “tangled up in red and black” is gonna be difficult to put to music…
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:52 am
15
yoyofutbawl says:
8
Ah, for the good old pseudo-hippie days of Clyde’s, Holley’s Tavern, P.B. Scott’s & Coffey’s.
Blowing Rock 1, Marriage 0.
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:12 am
16
The Gentleman Masher says:
The rafting and hiking hippies in Boone would be infuriated by being omittied…if they weren’t baked…and Boone Take Out wasn’t at the door with their Mellow Mushroom.
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:27 am
17
plastic paddy says:
ham biscuits at the Dan’l Boone Inn, fuck me running.
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:40 am
18
NRBQ says:
An omission from the Richt list:
Selling patchouli oil on the street corner in Boone
June 3rd, 2008 at 11:56 am
19
spartanmike says:
In a moment of weakness, Richt admitted he killed a drifter just to get an erection.
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:06 pm
20
yoyofutbawl says:
17
Danl Boone Inn ham biscuits are Sonny’s Grill wannabes.
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:25 pm
21
Dante says:
There was also that time Richt quit his job, dressed like a cowboy and moved to New York City to be a “stud.” But I think that was right before he ended up going to school in Miami, not after. He still won’t talk about the bus ride from New York to Miami or how he got the money for the bus ticket.
June 3rd, 2008 at 12:54 pm
22
MaconDawg says:
All the above listed Boone area activities are just a prelude to the Jupiter Coyote/Widespread Panic/Colonel Bruce triple bill tonight.
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:22 pm
23
ovo lacto says:
har har, nothing to do in boone but x, y, and z, har har.
yeah, but give me a job, a tire swing, and a riverside campsite at merlefest, and i’d move back today.
@20, agreed. Danl Boone = trough, always one step ahead of the health inspectors.
June 3rd, 2008 at 2:19 pm
24
yoyofutbawl says:
22
Add that Chart-Toppin Man, Unknown Hinson, to that card and you’ve got something going.
June 3rd, 2008 at 2:25 pm